cc: file, Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, and Maxine Shirts
"When I was about 12, Mom decided I needed to learn to play the guitar. Doesn't it chap you when your parents decide you need to do something? I doubt if I knew who Elvis Presley was, and I certainly did not understand the impact Elvis was having all across America in the early 1960's. Mom was a very good piano player, we had a record player, we sang all the words to all of the Roger and Hammerstein musicals, and, of course, to records like Elvis Presley's Jailhouse Rock. I expect this is part of the reason why I liked to sing when I would spend hours and days on the tractor plowing fields. I expect the other part of the reason is music resonates with me.
Eddy Carlocker was my guitar teacher (../9731.html). In the 1997 Thoughtlet I mentioned Eddy would fall asleep as he would point to the trebel cleff notes. I did learn how to read the treble cleff. Never did learn how to read the base cleff. I remember starting to play the guitar when I was in 5th grade in Mr. Holeman's class with Randy Shirts. Randy and family had just moved to Cedar. I didn't know it was from Iran, and do not ever remember us talking about him living in Iran, what it was like, and how nice things were in Cedar City, Utah. I had stopped taking piano lessons, because my preception was the piano teacher was so mean to me. And being spoiled, I usually got what I wanted. And guitar from Eddy Carlocker was better than piano from Mrs. Leigh, at least in my mind in those days. Today I wish I could play the piano, as well as the guitar. I had no concept of that the future of guitars was back then.
In the 1960's Sunday night was time together as a family. We would always watch the Kenecott Copper Mine sponsored movie on Sunday evenings. It came on right after the Ed Sullivan show. Because I played the guitar, and because I had a big ego, even back then, it was fun to watch Ed Sullivan and to imagine being `discovered.' Then in February of 1964, on Ed Sullivan, there was a rock band from Liverpool England that sang a song with about one line of lyrics: `I wanna hold your hand;' repeated over and over and over and over. The guys at Nelson Packing Plant and on the farm just made fun of the song because The Beetles simply repeated themselves so much.
However, as kids, we knew better. We knew what was `hot.' The following Saturday there were about 20 of us in Randy Shirts' garage trying out for the new band, The Beetles of Cedar City. I think we must have had most of the High School band, with clairnets, trombones, saxaphones, drums, and the like. I don't remember how, but somehow by the next week the number had dwindled to 5, and Randy Shirts (accordian), Charlie Garfield (trombone and later base guitar and vocals), Ray Gardner (drums, although he had never played the drums before), Dale Hatch (piano and clairnet), and myself (six string guitar) were what was left. We became `The KeyNotes' (../9715.html, ../9718.html, ../9811.html, ../9816.html, ../9826.html, ../9837.html, ../9842.html, ../9843.html, ../9846.html, ../9933.html, ../9935.html, ../9940.html, ../9945.html, ../0002.html, ../0019.html, ../0107.html, ../0126.html, and 0215.html), and then four years later when Dale left the band (not of his own volition) and we were `The Mydknight Hour' (Randy's recommendation for the new band name) (../9715.html, ../9811.html, ../9816.html, ../9826.html, ../9846.html, ../9933.html, ../9940.html, ../0126.html, and 0215.html). Obviously, based simply on the number of references in six years of writing Thoughtlets, this Ed Sullivan Show and the song `I Wanna Hold Your Hand' have had a significant impact on my life.
In PAIRS, one of the exercises Nancy White has participants do is a free-form drawing. In other words, we were assigned to go home, relax as completely as we could, think about the word relationship, and draw what came into our mind. I drew two people holding hands with a bag in the other hand. The interpretation was myself and my soul mate and temple clothes or suitcases off to visit the universe or the world. The bottom line to me was that I wanted to have someone to be a companion and a helpmeet, a female who would let me hold her hand. It is really amazing to me how the drawing made several years ago came to life this year, with Andrea going with me to China, to Nigeria, to New York, to Utah, and monthly to the Houston Temple. One of my most basic fears is the fear of rejection. It is interesting in life how that which we fear most is what often is our lot in life. One of the ways out of rejection is to have someone always there, always supporting, and in my mind this acceptance can be summarized by the words `I Wanna Hold Your Hand.'
Of course, the word `wanna' sounds like a spoiled child who screams to their mother and everyone else doing their christmas shopping, `I wanna get this,' or `I wanna get that.' Too often we each slip into the selfish child mode. We hide things, we sneak, we lie, and most damaging we are truly selfish. And we think others around us don't know. Maybe they don't. Yet God knows. And it does matter when we let ourselves degrade into these negative behaviors. We can not change another person, we can only change ourselves. Blackmail never works, and, for what it is worth, especially not with me. Hopefully I have taught each of you enough that when you find yourselves having fallen down in one of those valleys which come into each and every life (../9709.html), you will look in the mirror, figure out what needs to be changed in your own life, then get up, make the necessary changes in yourself, and get on with the rest of your life. I struggle with this, I am pretty open about my struggles, and hopefully you each see beyond my whining to the results. The results are my intended example. If, along your path, you need someone to lean on, to carry you for a while, or to be there to provide support and help, I hope you will call me and say `I wanna hold your hand.'
Tuesday night was the annual Relief Society Christmas Dinner. They asked the High Priests to serve them and to entertain them. Leslie Hagen was in charge, and she told Bill to get me to sing and play my guitar for the entertainment. So I did. I had thought about it for a couple of weeks, and felt I needed to do something new. So Wednesday morning when Andrea left for her run, and Matt and David were at Seminary, I got out my guitar and wrote plagerized the following song:
I did not intend to embarass Andrea. And judging by
the redness in her face, I certainly did. I'm sorry.
I also sang `I Once Saw a Family' (../9652.html,
../9825.html, ../9836.html, ../9901.html, ../0003.html,
../0037.html, 0218.html). I picked this song because
it is about families and I hoped the Relief Society
Sisters would like it. However, I had serious
reservations, dating back to PAIRS. One evening I
took my guitar to PAIRS and sang this song. Nancy
stopped everyone from clapping and explained to me
the words in the song are not real. The words are a
fantasy. She pointed out I have a tendency to escape
into a fantasy world when things get emotionally hard
for me. I wrote about this of fantasies last week
(0249.html). I find it interesting that your Uncle
Des grabbed hold of one of my fantasies (namely the
nanoribbon space elevator), and spent what looks to
me like quite a bit of time proving mathematically
that it is possible. I posted his notes at
http://www.walden3d.com/space_elevator. There is
even a follow-up letter posted.
I recall when Dad died that I felt like part of the song was no longer true. After all Great Granddad couldn't be there to tell stories told before. Then I thought, maybe I'm the Great Granddad, or maybe Paul is, or mabye, it will take a 1000 years for this fantasy to become reality. Who knows what is going to happen, and when it is going to happen. This is why it is important to have someone you can turn to and say, `I wanna hold your hand.'
The last song I sang was my Christmas Song: `The Birth' (../9748.html). The only comment from one of the sisters concerning the songs was from Sister Schultz saying how much she liked this song. So do I. It is the season to stop and realize:
And we start on the new road each day the rest of our
lives. Wednesday Andrea and I had lunch with Merril
Littlewood at the Nara Japanese Resturant. We were
discussing what if's associated with Nigeria, China,
the Cook Inlet, and some of the other projects I'm
working on. One of the concerns is how to minimize
tax payments. Another has to do with employees and
social security taxes. It is useful to have good
advisors. Most of the rest of my week was spent
working on the PetroChina project. I have really
enjoyed doing this project, and demonstrating how
to use the Knowledge BackboneSM and the Infinite
GridSM to index and optimize R&D (Research and
Development) activities for a world class organization.
I got a call about 11:00 on Saturday night concerning
some of the material I had sent. I expect there is a
pretty good chance my work will not be recognized and
valued by the customer the same way I do. Oh well!
Another fantasy world that someday others will realize
is feasible.
Speaking of fantasy worlds, our Activity Committee sponsored the Nottingham Country Ward Christmas Party a week ago Friday night. I was so caught up in my feelings last week, I forgot to mention it. We had a great turnout (about 150 people). Good food, great entertainment (thanks to the Brannings), lots of other activities (crafts, nativity dress-up and photos, etc.), and I took a bunch of digital photos of the evening (see http://www.walden3d.com/ncw_christmas). This week Andrea, Matt, and I went to see a play at the Wortham Center for Matt's Theater Class. The play is titled `A Greater Tuna Christmas,' and I had been so focused on the PetroChina project, I kept falling asleep during the performance. It is amazing how many different folks the two actors dressed up as and how the kept the audience laughing for about 2 1/2 hours.
We had the ninth annual joint Christmas Concert with The Epiphany of the Lord Catholic Community last night. The music and the program were a little too `technical' for my taste. Lots of orchastra, hand bells, harps, children's choir, in addition to the singing. The program was (* = my favorites):
My `hot' things have changed from when I was a child.
And yet note how they haven't changed. Instead of kids
trying out to be the next Beatles band in Randy Shirts'
garage, my 1928 Wyllis Whippet is there. Carl and Paul
Nelson helped Russell Shirts put it there the Saturday
after Thanksgiving. We called Russ this week to find
out if the car was moved out of Aunt Mary Mae's garage,
since she called a few weeks ago saying it was in her
way. I had thought Leon was going to refurbish it, as
we discussed when he took it from Dad's garage when I
moved a lot of my stuff back to Houston (../9725.html).
Oh well! I thought Leon had been paying storage costs
for it (0220.html), and I guess not. Oh well! Leon
did call after I talked to Aunt Mary Mae, and offered
to buy the car. I told him `No thank you.' Maybe if
Russell gets it working, and if Rachel stays at SUU,
it can be transportation for her when she needs a nice
car for something or another. Of course, the garage
could burn down and the car remains end up in the
junk yard. How often do we predict this kind of what
if, and by thus predicting, start on the road towards
fulling this prophecy. I hope none of you kids get
into this kind of a habit. I hope you dream of the
day you can ride in the old car in a parade, and that
until that time comes you can always turn to someone
you love and, like I can and do honestly say to Andrea:
`I wanna hold your hand.'"