14January2001 #0103.html

Pressure

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Dear Paul and Kate, Melanie and Jared, Bridget and Justin, Sara, Ben and Sarah, Heather, Audrey, Rachel, and Matt via hardcopy,

cc: file, Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, Claude and Katherine Warner, Lloyd and Luana Warner, Diane Cluff, Maxine Shirts via mail.

Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea, belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail box at any time.

"I received the following in an e-mail from Ben on Wednesday morning:

`I am going to make a short comment here, and it's only my perception. I think pressure and force is a good thing when used correctly. If you don't use it, then kids don't get the direction that they need - even if they don't necessarily like it at the time. But, there always has to be room for compromise. I feel that you have put the pressure on all of us to walk the path that you attempt to. I think this is a good thing - because I feel that it probably kept me from doing some things that I may have otherwise done. But, at the same time there never seemed to be room for margin of error or difference of opinion. I assume that if your work colleagues have a difference of opinion on religion or lifestyle that you still respect them for who they are and accept that. It doesn't seem that you do that with your family. And I know that's a bad example, because you can't compare co-workers to family (2 very different games) but I hope it made sense. Anyway, please just take that at face value and not as a criticism or me trying to pass judgement on you, because I'm not.'

Pressure is a constant factor in our lives. If we didn't have air pressure, we wouldn't get the oxygen we need to live. If we don't have the right blood pressure, we end up having a stroke or dying. If there is not enough gas pressure we can not start our stove. And if there is a stoppage in our toilet, the pressure backs up and we have a flooded floor. In families, pressure is a method, allbeit not a very good method, of encouraging choice. Pressure is not the end goal. Often those who use pressure are using the only tools they were taught as children, and yet no matter how pure intentions, the use of poor methods creates unnecessary pain and suffering. Again, I admit I misused pressure in our family. I hope someday you will all recognize these misguided efforts were out of fear for end results of a dangerous direction. I agree that there are times when pressure can be let up, and there can be compromise, and I look forward to when you each acknowledge there are times when there should be no compromise and pressure is appropriate.

Ben, there is a big difference between professional colleagues and family members. Especially if you believe in the depth of your heart family members are sealed to you for time and eternity and the only way they will not be with you beyond the grave is their giving into worldly pressure and making serious unrecoverable mistakes. When one sees their baby drowning in the cesspool of modern sin (which is simply a repeat of the Romans and every other great civilization which Satan has got control of), there is a fear which can cause an irrational response. It can come across like pressure, and especially if someone else the youth loves and respects is caught up in the same whirlpool to personal destruction and is presented with sophisticated excuses for indulgence. As The Moody Blues of my generation said:

`Red is black, and yellow white, and we decide which is right, and which is an illusion.'

As much as I enjoy my professional colleagues, the only ones I anticipate spending eternity with are those who share the power of the Priesthood with me. Guess this is one of the reasons I have always been accused of being a fanatic, and of always trying to convert everyone around me. I have learned you can not pressure anyone to accept the truth. Especially if they are not willing to read their Bible and pray. The characteristics of God, the mission of Christ, the nature of the Godhead, the authority to baptize, the method of baptism, payment for preaching, the place of grace and of works in life, the importance of Apostles and Prophets, etc., etc. There are numerous examples of topics, which if rationally studied, have a single logical conclusion. Most of my friends at work, will never know these truths, as they are not interested. It appears that many of my family, like many of Heavenly Father's family will be in the same boat. And yet as an optimist, I will never give up hope. Especially when I hear words like:

`I'm unimpressed with videos too. I guess I'm no longer their demographic, because I used to watch MTV all the time. Getting old! (but the good new is that my insurance rates are going down).'

Ben, I was also impressed by your comment about money:

`Why is the need to return the money to them a moral obligation? I assume they knew the risks when investing. I can understand the guilt if you feel it was your fault, but I don't see how it is a moral issue.'

I feel it is appropriate to share my response to you with everyone:

`I just read your note about the last Thoughtlet. It is nice to have some feedback. In a real sense, it seems like a lot of my effort with regards to family drops into a vacuum or a black hole, and it is nice to see something coming back. There is life out there. You asked about my use of the phrase "moral issue." Values, ethics, and morals are synonyms in my mind. I have had a lot of people invest in me, and the only ones who have lost their investment so far are the investors in HyperMedia. There have probably been 50 folks who have become millionaires based on my efforts. So maybe my desire, is selfish and is what I feel they should do for me. I don't think so. Anyway, the failure of HyperMedia was largely due to Bill Rollwitz, whom I selected to run the company. I was so busy with the other things I was doing (Advanced Structures, China Cattle, Landmark, Walden 3-D, designing a city for Maudeen Mark's property, family, scouts, church, Prime Words, etc.), I did not monitor Bill Rollwitz like I should have. Therefore I feel I lost the investors' money. It is important to realize all but one of the investors was a cousin, a colleague from Landmark or Mobil, or someone else with whom I have a long (10 year+) relationship with. They knew the risk, and they know me, and what my values are, what I consider ethical, and what I consider a moral course of action. I will continue to attempt to get them at least a return on their initial investment. Think how much better the world would be if everyone was this serious about protecting investors.'

It appears to me that much of the pressure we face in our daily lives is due to people not taking their commitments seriously. Be it the selfish entrepreneur, who is willing to loose different people's investment on project after project, or those who take advantage of others through position or power. There is very little selfless giving, and even less if there is no pressure to donate to the Boy Scouts or the United Way. The one exception I find is through the church, as was demonstrated to me last Sunday. As I mentioned last week (0102.html), we had the afternoon session of Stake Conference. As I was writing the Thoughtlet I was thinking about whether I had put too much or too little pressure on Matt and Rachel to go to the Alamo with us on Saturday, when the phone rang. It was Mike Smith (../9703.html, ../9706.html, ../9724.html, ../9750.html, ../9802.html, ../9831.html, ../9834.html, ../9840.html, ../9844.html, ../9847.html, ../9907.html, ../9933.html, and ../0016.html). He has been called as the Secretary to his High Priest Quorum. He was to be sustained in Stake Conference to be a High Priest, and wanted me to ordain him right after Stake Conference. It was a special meeting, and one in which I was simply the voice and the hands for a power greater than myself. There was no feeling of pressure, and it was a truely wonderful experience.

With the new schedule, we have started having Family Home Evening on Sunday evenings. Matt used a video called `You are not alone' to give a great lesson about how when we feel overwhelmed, there are angels there to help us meet our challenges. There was a wonderful spirit in the room as the video segment ended, and the next segment came up. This segment was titled `Chastity.' As this came up on the TV, the thought came to mind: `Is it OK for a young man or a young woman to lose his or her virginity before getting married? The world says it is, and time and experience shows that those who ignore the pressure of their parent's teachings and give into the pressures of popular culture too often repeat their indiscretions outside of their marriage vows, and thus create havock for themselves and other family members. The beauty in Melanie and Kate's faces on their wedding days this last summer was a reflection of how they felt about themselves, and specifically a reflection of their preparation for their most special day. I expect I will write more about this topic another time, when I'm not feeling internal pressure to preach. As we finished Family Home Evening, there was a call from Paul to tell me he has been called to become a High Priest, and his leader's wanted me to know. As I have performed each of the other ordinations in his life, it will be a pleasure to fly to Utah the weekend of the 28th and to ordain him a High Priest. When I told Andrea, she said to me `The Lord is sending you another blessing.' And so it is. And it is appreciated pressure.

Sara brought her boyfriend, G.J., over to introduce to us and eat dinner after having spent the afternoon at the Menil Museum. He seems very nice, bright, and very attentive to Sara. When he told me his first name was George, I couldn't help but think about the words in Thoughtlet #97.30. However, I didn't mention it, because I have become paranoid about being accused of applying pressure, real or preceived. I was watching a movie version of Les Miserables, and Andrea did a better job than I did of conversation with Sara and G.J. Sara, I'm not sure what response you wanted from me. I'm sorry I was quiet. For those who do not know, Sara leaves this next Saturday for a semester study abroad in France. Sara, I have been praying every night since I learned you were going (../0047), that this trip will be a time of reflection, and a time where you can contemplate the foundation of your eternal life. It is very hard to not put pressure on you in order to encourage you to make what experience and faith show me are optimal decisions. So if you feel I am doing this, just ask me to back off.

Monday Scott Bowman came by about 2:00 and he helped me get the PowerPC so it would run the large Infinite Grid (SM) Excel files. Easy solution, once you know what is wrong. Command `I' on the Excel icon, and change the memory up. Oh well! I lost a couple of days work because I didn't know how to do that. Seems like there is always pressure to learn more. I spent most of the day getting material ready to visit with Jim Allen at Sovereign Oil & Gas (http://www.walden3d.com/dynamic/investment.html, etc.).

Melanie and Jared had been calling all day saying they were coming over. They finally did about 7:00 in the evening, for Family Home Evening. We, as mentioned, had already had family home evening the night before. I was busy getting ready for the meeting on Tuesday, and so I'm sorry I didn't spend much time talking. It was nice to see you playing Clue and other games with Rachel, Matt, and Andrea. I have always felt a lot of pressure to meet work commitments, and thus have always probably had too high a priority for work. Oh well!

The meeting Tuesday morning with Jim started off 10 minutes late. There was a car accident on the Katy Freeway, I parked in the wrong parking lot, and I was trying to print out some other pages just before I left the house. Oh well! I thought the meeting went well. Although he is not interested in the Rio Grande County AMI007, which is what I spent so much time on the previous few days, he invited me back with Heloise Lynn's prospects, as soon as possible, creating a new source of pressure.

By 8:33 on Wednesday morning I had the three revised documents ready to send to Heloise Lynn, Blaine Taylor, and Mike McCardle: (1) AMI & Confidentiality Agreement, (2) Dynamic Professional NetWork Agreement, and (3) Prospect Fee, Production Bonus, and Overriding Royalty Interest Agreement; an AMI and Confidentiality Agreement for Sovereign Oil & Gas; a report to Richard Nehring including a final revision of his contract; and a description of why Susan Helgeson should help Christian Singfield with his upcoming road show on the core and cutting imaging system. I still made it to Chroma Energy for a mornings worth of meetings with Peter Duncan's advisory board. Good meetings, and I really like `Swede' Nelson, who was the President of Chevron overseas for 15 years. Ben's note came in while I was at Chroma Energy, which implies he stole time from work to write the response. Oh well! Time is one of the great creators of pressure. I've done worse, and it is so nice to have feedback. I took a half hour lunch break at Chroma to participate in the RC-SIG teleconference call. I got back to the house about 3:00, and was down at Ken Burton's house at 3:30 for a meeting on the Rio Grande County AMI007. I sure like how he has redone his house. I like Scott Lackey and Jim Jinright more each time I meet them. It was fun to watch them move a Grandfather clock, and negotiate on the phone. They loved the stuff I have put on the web for them. I got back to the house about 5:00, and was immediately on the phone to Richard Nehring and others.

Wednesday evening we had a Venturing planning meeting. We are going to do our High Adventure on the week of the 11th of June 2001. The guys want to do it jointly with Katy 2nd Ward, mostly because Adam Peterson's cousin Austin is in that group. This would be an additional excuse for Rob to join us, which would sure be nice. I thought the planning meeting went pretty good. There were 8 priests there, which is better than impressive. Usually, no matter what kind of pressure I apply, there are only 3 or 4 at Young Men's.

Thursday was busy. I was building Infinite Grid images for Heloise Lynn's three prospects in Colorado, Wyoming, and Utah. We worked on it all day. Blaine and Mike came by and all four of us signed modified versions of the documents mentioned above. I built 10 web pages, helped Heloise organize her presentation, and she drove the two of us down to the meeting at Sovereign Oil & Gas, while I dictated an e-mail message to Christian Singfield via Andrea. Jim was very responsive to Heloise, and yet there are several things needed before he will say yes. To start with, there needs to be existing production information on all of the wells in each of the three adjacent fields. I hope to get Riley helping me collect the needed information. On the way home Heloise told me about her hobby: endurance riding. There is an 18 mile horse ride, with a lunch on at the far end, which goes on this time of year, and it costs $100. per person for saddle, horse, and lunch. Sees like this would be a real fun thing to do some Saturday. What do you think Rachel and Matt, Melanie and Jared, maybe even Roice and Rob? Andrea met Heloise and me at the Best Buy at Westheimer and Highway 6, so Heloise could get home to her family. Cell phones are indespensible to meet the pressure of keeping up with everything.

Friday morning Joe Robert's picked me up before I knew it was time. He had arranged for us to have lunch with Radivoj Drecun of Advanced Data Solutions. Radivoj is interested in investing in Dynamic. Good discussions. I really like his Chief Technology Officer, Bee. Maybe Joe is finally going to get in on one of my `deals.' He asked me to bring in Richard Nehring and Bob Ehrlich to meet, and promised a fast response on committing if he really becomes interested. Seems like there is so much to do, I was just overwhelmed when I got home. However, I worked hard at fixing the Heloise Lynn web pages, started reworking the Residuum Energy Master Agreement, made arrangements for Richard Nehring and Bob Ehrlich to be here the 23-25th of January to meet with Radivoj and to have our first Dynamic Technical meeting. I was glad to take a break from the pressure at 8:00 and go to a movie with Andrea. We went to see `Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.' It reminded me of the black and white Chinese movies they showed every Friday night at the theater in Zhuo Zhou, Hebei Province, China, where Gary Jones and I worked for a long time. Lots of martial arts, fantasy flights across the rooftops, and retaining being true to yourself by committing suicide. Interesting distraction, beautiful cinimatography, and a lousy message.

Saturday morning was Choir Practice and Young Women's basketball at 8:00. Andrea's team won by forfeit, and she came into Choir Practice, even though she hates having Choir Practice on Saturday morning. When we were talking about it, she explained that basketball only lasts a few weeks, but choir lasts forever, and Saturday morning is her time. I had responded that it is nice to be alive and to do things we enjoy, like singing. I hope this is typical of the disagreements we get into in our marriage. Not that I `win' the argument, just that the differences of opinion are non-critical, and there is no pressure to be right.

I worked in the office. Got beat 10 to 6 in a game of one-on-one basketball with Matt, and went to Matt's basketball game. Matt made a fabulous 3-point shot, and they were playing against a team twice their height. Nottingham Country lost 22 to 29. I thought they did great. We put up some curtain rods in the evening, and I worked on the agreements and web pages until I was really tired and could not hold up the pressure of my eyelids, about 11:00 last night.

Today was our first Sunday on the 9:00 church meeting schedule. Matt was excited to be going in the morning, even though he didn't join us during Sacrament meeting. The talks and the classes were exceptionally good. It geared me up to coming home to write the Thoughtlet on one of my least favorite subjects. Brent Peterson shared:

`The son of a very wealthy man was called to serve a full-time mission. He entered the mission field and began his work. At first things went well; however, as he met rejections and as other challenges of finding and teaching surfaced, the young man's faith wavered. Mission associates gave encouragement, but it did not seem to help. One day the young man announed to the mission president that he was abandoning his call; he was returning home. The mission president did all within his power to dissuade the missionary. It was to no avail. When word of the missionary's decision reached the father, he obtained permission to visit his son in the mission field. In one of many tense conversations, the father said, `My son, I have lived for the day when you would serve a full-tiome mission. I did so because I love you and I love God. And I know that there is no work more essential than that of teaching truth to the people of the world.' Somewhat sobered by his father's words, the son meekly replied, Dad, I didn't realize that a mission meant so much to you.' `It means everything to me,' the father declared. The he added with some emotion, `all my life I have worked and saved with one person in mind: you. And my one goal has been to provide you a decent inheritance.' `But Dad,' the son interjected, `the work is difficult and I don't enjoy ...' The father didn't allow him to finish his sentence. Instead he asked, `How can I trust my businesses to your care if you cannot prove yourself by serving the Lord for two short years?' There was an awkward pause as the son pondered the father's question and studied his anxious countenance. Then with measured words, the father promised, `My son, my only heir, if you will be faithful in this calling and prove yourself worthy in every respect, all that I possess will be yours.' Noticeably touched by these earnest pleadings, the son rose to his feet, embraced his father, and sobbed, `I will stay.' `The son did stay in the mission field; he did serve faithfully from that day forward. And yes, in due time, he received from his father the promised inheritance, even all that his father had to share.' Elder Carlos E. Asay, of the Presidency of the First Quorum of Seventy speaking on `The Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood,' Ensign, Nov. 1985, 43.

This afternoon Matt and I went Home Teaching. It was my turn to give the lesson. I'm sure my mind was directed by the thoughts about pressure. I quoted from a recent talk to youth by President Hinkley:

`Be prayerful. You cannot do it alone. I look at this vast congregation, and I know that you are young people who pray, who get on your knees and speak with the Lord. you know that He is the source of all wisdom. You need His help, and you know that you need His help. You cannot do it alone. you will come to realize that and recognize that more and more as the years pass. So live that in good conscience you can speak with the Lord. Get on your knees and thank Him for His goodness to you and express to Him the righteous desires of your hearts. The miracle of it all is that He hears. He responds. He answers - not always as we might wish He would answer, but there is no question in my mind that He answers.' President Gordon B. Hinkley, The Ensign, January 2001

When we got home I read an Ensign article by Dallin H. Oaks, and it reinforced my thoughts this week about pressure:

`Choice is a method, not the ultimate goal. We are accountable for our choices, and only righteous choices will move us toward our eternal goals. ... In today's world we are not true to our teachings if we are merely pro-choice. We must stand up for the right choice. Those who persist in refusing to think beyond slogans and sound bites like pro-choice wander from the goals they pretend to espouse and wind up giving their support to results they might not support if those results were presented without disguise. ... Similarly, some reach the pro-choice position by saying we should not legislate morality. Those who take this position should realize that the law of crimes legislates nothing but morality. Should we repeal all laws with a moral baisis so that our government will not punish any choices some person consider immoral? Such an action would wipe out virtually all of the laws against crimes.' Elder Dallin H. Oaks, The Ensign, January 2001

There is a lot more I could write about pressure. Especially since oil fields are typically produced by subterranian pressures, and it is one of the key parameters reservoir engineers work with. However, I've written enough. So for the few of you who read all of these words, I'm sorry I applied too much pressure at times in the past. I hope you will forgive me someday. And it is very rewarding to receive an e-mail from Ben saying `I think pressure and force are a good thing when used correctly.' I hope there were times I did use them correctly, and that as you look at the fruits of various options, you will recognize that methodology which is best for you and your family to reach whatever goal you set for yourselves."

I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of daily life. To download any of these thoughtlets go to http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets or e-mail me at rnelson@walden3d.com.

With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)

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Copyright © 2001 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.