11 Aug 2002 #0232.html

Concerns of a Loving Parent

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Dear Paul and Kate, Melanie and Jared, Bridget and Justin, Sara, Ben and Sarah, Heather, Audrey, Rachel, and Matt via hardcopy,

cc: file, Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, and Maxine Shirts

Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea, belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail box at any time.

"Last Sunday, the first time I called my Mom at her new residence in LaVerikin, I mentioned Andrea and I might go to Australia. She immediately came back with a statement about the number of caves there are in Australia. I responded that Australia is a continent, is very big, and there are probably no more caves there per unit area than there are here in the United States. Then I said, `Don't you remember the times you took us over to see Lehman's Caves and the good times we had?' She responded, `Well, I tried to make sure we had good times and good memories.' And Mom, so you did. Thank you for those times. I apologize I too often get caught up in anger about other stuff and forget or let get buried all of the good times.

And what is this other stuff? I recall on one of our walks over to the Hunan Restaurant Mom telling me how angry and upset she was with her Mom and Dad. And I recall Grandma Hafen telling Grandpa Hafen how much it upset her for his Father to come and visit and to pee all over the floor. So where did this family tradition start? A long, long time ago, in a place far, far away. And it continues with you kids. Matt told Andrea today how upset he was at being left at church 6 years ago, even though he admitted having left and walked home many times on his own. And as I reflect on all of this, I come to the conclusion, kids too often react to the concerns of a loving parent out of a family script. It is true the family scripts include conversations like the following as we drove to Galveston Island for Ethan's second birthday yesterday:

Andrea: `I would really like to go on a cruise.' Roice: `We can go on a cruise sometime, if you really want to.' Matt: `I want to go on a cruise!' Andrea: `Well maybe we can take you on a cruise for your graduation present, if you graduate with all B's.' Roice: `Why does everything need to have a twist?'


Simply the words and concerns of a loving parent, packaged in a way certain to get a negative response from the listener. And the thing is, we each do it. It comes with caring. And as I have considered what kind of words to write this week, I can see that my words will be received the same way as Andrea's were by Matt. Oh well! Maybe someday you will all see how I have attempted to do the best I can within the emotional scripts I have been blessed to carry around. Emotional scripts that make it easier to tell Daniel Yergin, a famous man I have only met a couple of times, how proud I am of Ben, than it is to tell Ben how proud I am of Ben. Emotional scripts that make it very hard for me to carry on a conversation on the telephone, especially if there is any chance of rejection or an emotional reaction from the conversation. Emotional scripts that result in me overcompensating the rudder, when I see the ship of my life or of those I care about and love the most, going in some direction which scares me. It would be so much smoother if we trusted and were not so scared by the choices those we love make. Free agency is a scary thing.

In terms of my week, it was busy. Monday, Thursday, and Friday were spent interpreting Jude's Nigerian Marginal Fields. Tuesday and Wednesday Andrea and I went to New York. It took all day Tuesday to travel to New York. Wei He met us at the airport in his Lexus. Hard to believe it has only been 13 years since he came to the US as one of my three Chinese students, each of whom are still here. We got to see where the World Trade Center was from the New Jersey side. There was a teleconference, which caught me up on a lot of the work Albert and Roger have been doing. We had a wonderful Chinese dinner, and were able to catch up more with what everyone is doing (and I ate too much). Steve Joseph was in town, and so it was the first time in quite a while we have had the whole vPatch group together.

Andrea and I stayed with Wei He and his wife Xue Fen (which means snow fragrance). They have a beautiful house in a town close to Lamont Doherty Earth Observatory. They have fixed it up so nice. Beautiful hardwood floors, so clean you could eat off of them. And William He, my chinese grandson (../0026.html) has grown up. He is two, and it was fun to play trains with him. He is spoiled, and seems to handle it well. We took several digital photos, and hopefully they will get posted on the web in the next few weeks. Both Wei and Xue Fen kept calling me his Grandpa, and it felt good to know I have made a positive difference in their lives. They only speak Chinese to William, and he is picking up English from neighbors and TV. Definitely they are showing the concerns of loving parents. Xue Fen was so worried about having us stay with them because their guest bed did not have a headboard. Hopefully she now knows this, like most, is an unfounded fear. We were the first guests they have had stay with them. It was very special.

Andrea spent Thursday with Steve Joseph and his son touring New York, including going to the top of the Empire State Building. She could see 25 miles. It was a beautiful day. I gave a talk in the morning on the Infinite GridSM (see http://www.walden3d.com/ig/details) to a group called CIESIN which does GIS (Geographical Information Services) work for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). They said I have identified a nitche, and it is not something that justifies changing from the way they are doing things. I find it is often that way with IP (Intellectual Property), i.e. that you can tell your business plans to anyone you want to, and unless they are already working in the specific area you are, they will say, `That's nice!', and at best give advice for improving your product or service. In the afternoon I gave my talk `The Impending Obsolesence of Maps' to 40 Columbia students. There were a few questions. However, they were pretty laid back, at least compared to giving the same type of talk to students at BYU (0211.html).

Roger and I had a nice lunch discussion, and we outlined an approach for creating cash flow and contacts to fund our various activities. It is based on Bob Sneider's model of teaching schools to keep in contact with the industry, identifying clients, making contacts for studies, and then entering into exploration partnerships. We defined six new courses which can be the basis of feeding our efforts:

  1. Best Practice Documentation - Roice Nelson
  2. Data Mining for Exploration - Sam LeRoy
  3. 4-D monitoring of Oil & Gas Production - Roger Anderson
  4. Best Practices Utalizing SCADA - Albert Boulanger
  5. Process Alignment Through Wired Processes - Steve Joseph
  6. Immersive Environments - Roice Nelson

We placed a call to IHRDC, and it will be interesting to see if anything comes from this think session. Andrea certainly agreed when I summarized the conversation for everyone and pointed out how Roger and I are always moving on to the next new thing and not finishing the latest things we are doing. Roger is doing some really neat things in Homeland Security. It was fun to spend a couple of days with this group of friends. Wei took us to the airport, and we got home just after midnight. It was Matt's first experience of being left home alone. He did fine. He took one of his friends with him to see the Astro's game we missed on Tuesday night. I was pleased with how well he did, and must admit there were concerns of a loving parent as we left him to go to New York. Friday night we went to see `Spy Kids 2.' What a fine movie! This is my idea of a just about perfect movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Yesterday we spent the day in Galveston at Sarah's parents beach house / retirement house. It is the last house on the northwest corner of the street Mike Forrest's beach house is on (../0033.html). We got there about 11:00. Ethan is a bundle of energy. We went to the beach for a couple of hours. Most of the time was spent trying to keep up with Ethan as he threw a rubber bone to Jack (Sarah's parent's dog), and took turns holding it in his mouth with Jack. He was a lot of fun in the waves and then burying him in the sand. We also buried Matt in the sand, and have some `interesting' photos of him buried. Lunch was hamburgers, pasta salad, potato salad, and all the fixings. Andrea had brought some chocolate chip cookies. It was fun to watch Ethan open his presents. He is almost as spoiled as William. Maybe this will be a tradition with each of my grandchildren? We watched `Fellowship of the Ring,' which just came out on video, and also Marti's sky diving experience. It was fun to sit out on the swing and enjoy the breeze as the sun went down. Andrea and I went for a nice walk along the beach, just after dark. It was the best look at the stars I've had since Big Bend (0222.html). We got home about 11:00 PM, and I was tired.

Today in sacrament meeting Shannon Conners, who along with Melanie was one of the girls in my first short lived term as a Primary Teacher, was a speaker. She followed young Brother Harrison, who had given an eloquent lecture on the power of having the priesthood in the home and in his life. Shannon could not talk to start with, and finally she was able to wipe away the tears and say how much she misses having the priesthood in her home, in otherwords how hard it is having divorced parents and not having Jim at home. Her message was about the power the temples can have in our individual lives. Her words resulted in a new stanza for Prime Words:

`Treat our bodies like the temple, Keeping them pure and clean Eternal teachings very simple Eternal blessings to glean'


The sacrament meeting speaker was David Peterson, one of Alan and Brent Peterson's brothers who moved back from the middle-east a couple of years ago. He talked about the Family Proclamation (my only previous reference was in Thoughtlet ../9902.html), the fifth proclamation made by the Prophet and the 12 Apostles since the restoration. Last week in Priesthood Meeting we also had a lesson on the Family Proclamation, with a challenge to teach it to our children. So I am going to start my teaching of this message by quoting it:

`THE FAMILY - A PROCOLAMATION TO THEWORLD The First Presidency and Councilof the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints We, the First Presidency and the council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children. All human beings - male and female - are created in the image of God. Each is a loving spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally. The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that god has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan. Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives - mothers and fathers - will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor their marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death,or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed. We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill their responsiblities will one day stand accontable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the familiy will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretoldby ancient and modern prophets. We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society. 23 September 1995'


Maybe I'm just overly experiencing the concerns of a loving parent, or maybe it is a family script, but I have kind of been down today. It is sad such positive things can sometimes get me feeling like such a failure. Oh well! Matt just came in and asked me: `How did the armadillo cross the road? I told him, `I don't know.' And he responded, `It didn't.' At least he got me laughing again. Hope you each have a good week."

I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of daily life. To download any of these thoughtlets go to http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets or e-mail me at rnelson@walden3d.com.

With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)

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Copyright © 2002 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.