cc: file, Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, Claude and Katherine Warner, Lloyd and Luana Warner, Diane Cluff, Maxine Shirts via mail.
"I am going to invert this week's message. First a description of our week, and then a few words on Tough Love.
Thursday and Friday, August 3rd and 4th, Andrea went to Dallas to visit Ben, Sarah, and Ethan. I'm jealous! She got back about 8:00 on Friday night. Matt and I were watching `A Bug's Life' (Our cable TV has not been fixed yet from when I cut it 11 weeks ago [0022.html]), which means the kids have been watching videos and this is one of the reasons Rob got so bored when he stayed here. It is very easy to do too much of anything, to the point of addiction, including watching TV, and particularly when addictive behaviors are tied to the genes of at least the Nelson, Hafen, Sharp, and Nielson families. So even though we were both tired, Andrea and I went to see Space Cowboys after the video finished. Some addictions are better than others. It is a funny movie. The Utah scenes with the air crop dusting plane were particularly funny. I felt homesick, and I am feeling fewer and fewer ties to Houston.
We got up early, packed, and picked up Richard and Jill Uden at 7:00 Saturday morning to go to Intercontinental Airport and then to Calgary for SEG 2000. It was so nice to have Andrea with me to hold my hand, talk to me, help me keep a reasonable perspective, and share the experience. We stayed at the Palliser Hotel, one of the nicest hotels in Calgary-where the Queen stays when she comes to Calgary. We walked over to The Calgary Stampede, which is where the convention was held. The booth was pretty much put together when we got there. We did do a few things, and then I took Louise Durham, Richard and Jill Uden,John and Kathy Pixton, and Andrea to dinner in the rotating resturant at the top of the Calgary Tower. The table next to us included two missionaries who were being taken out to dinner. I had the digital camera (http://www.walden3d.com/photos/Work/SEG_2000/04_CalgaryTowerSunset2.jpg), and the sunset was beautiful, the food was very nice, and the conversation a lot of fun. Sunday morning Andrea and I walked over to the Calgary 6th Ward (0023.html). I stayed for Sacrament meeting then went to the booth to finalize some of the demos. Once again I forgot to pack ties, and so Andrea broke the sabbath for me and bought me 3 new ties. We met at 12:30 at the Westin, so she could give me a tie before I went in to represent the GSH at the annual SEG Council Meeting, the second time (../9944.html). The SEG has established a new membership catagory, called Global Members, which is for those who can not afford the dues and only receive material via the Internet. I did not mention it to anyone that this was one of my suggestions when I was visiting China a lot 10-15 years ago. And here I was able to vote on passing these modifications to the SEG Bi-Laws.
Sunday evening was the `Ice Breaker' at the convention center. We had a Karaoke Machine and two performers. In the longer term picture, this was to set the stage for next year's SEG when we come out with results from the Sound Patent (0013.html). This year it was just fun. Peter and I had talked about singing from my song Merging Mind and Matter (http://www.walden3d.com/songs/merging_mind_and_matter.html), and we did not. I was talked into singing a song Alan Peterson and I sang in a Ward Talent Show several years ago, when we were both in the Bishopric: `All My X'es Live In Texas.' For what it's worth, I do not hang my hat in Tennesee. The neatest part of the Karaoke was the singing of the daughters of the current and the past SEG Presidents. Several of the Continuum guys did BackStreet Boy's Dancing in sink with their singing. There are several pictures at http://www.walden3d.com/photos/Work/SEG_2000.
The convention was pretty slow. The venue was not good. It was too spread out. Talks were too far from the booths, there was a 4 day Canadian holiday which ended Monday, there were only 7,200 attendees, and we had very few people in our booth. We did not have the buzz we have had the previous two years. We did have good contacts. We did demonstrate CoReExplorer(TM). We did do 4 way Collaboration with Houston and three systems at the booth twice a day for three days. I also gave a talk on Affordable Immersive Reality twice a day all three days. And I gave a talk on Wednesday Afternoon at 1:00 titled: `Practical Applications of Immersive Environments.' I had three or four folks tell me it was the best paper they had heard at the convention, which always does good to feed the ego. Andrea left on Tuesday morning to be home for Rachel and Matt's first day of school, which was on Wednesday August 9th. One of the staff for the SEG interviewed me for a series they are doing on Mentoring in The Leading Edge. That was fun. Don Paul, the Executive Vice President at Chevron who turned down being a Co-Founder of Landmark spent quite a bit of time with me. I came back to Houston on Thursday morning, feeling good about what we were able to accomplish. The next step is what Mr. Finstad decides to do with the company, which we should find out next week when he is here. Based on the groundwork to date I am optimistic it is going to turn out good for all of us who have made the effort and helped get Continuum to the stage it is at.
Andrea picked me up on Thursday and after dropping her off I worked until about 6:00 PM. Then I went over to pick up Rob for LifeWay. He wasn't home, I talked to Sara briefly, and then to Marti briefly. Marti arrived while Sara and I were talking, was tired, had not checked with the LifeWay Peole as said she would last week, and did not want to talk. I made a comment about I having certain parental rights and responsibilities, and she responded, `Why should you start to exercise them now?' She went on to point out which of our children have drank more than Rob has, and how it is just a phase. I came home and wrote some thoughts about unconditional love, and wrote some more on Friday morning. Then I went to Galveston for meetings with Roger Anderson, Steve Joseph, Albert Boulanger, Mike Forrest, and Toshi Mochizuki. On the way I stopped and gave Nancy White an invitation to the Houston Temple Open House on the way. It turns out her daughter has joined the church since I went through PAIRS, and she had forgot to tell me when we have seen each other over the last few years.
The CES meetings went pretty slow. In fact, Roger's 11 year old son Forrest and I played two games of chess while the meeting was going on. One of the more reasonable conclusions, which also relates to Continuum's doldrums, is that we are speaking a new language which does not resonate with the oil and gas industry's day to day work processes. There are several exciting initiatives at CES, and it will be interesting to see where everything ends up. I'm sure there will be more words about them later on.
Mike Forest was at the SEG in Calgary, and when we were talking about the meeting he invited my family to come and stay at his beach house. So Andrea, Rachel, and Matt came down and met us at the beach house after school. Matt and Andrea and I went out and swam in the surf for a while. Then several of us went out to dinner at Willie G's. Good conversation with friends.
However, my week has been dampend by not knowing what the right thing to do is relative to where Rob is at (note: he has asked to be removed from the Thoughtlet Mailing List, and I have obliged). I do not want to come down too hard on Rob, and drive him away for years. Yet I do not want to bury him because of an overdose or car accident. Being a parent is tough stuff. Especially when the dangers are as serious as they are today with pornography, AIDS, drug addiction, and other stuff taken as normal activities these days. I have done my best to build fences at the top of the cliff, by being an example and teaching basic principles like the word of wisdom and the law of chastity, in the hopes of never needing to take an ambulance to the bottom of the cliff. The professionals are advising tough love, and that I exercise my rights as a parent to the point of getting Rob's attention and getting him to look at where this stuff can end up. It is hard to concentrate on conventions, travel, relaxation in the surf, or conversations with friends when there is a damper hanging over you which could be opened at anytime and dump tons of terrible stuff on you at any time.
It was really good for me to have an evening and a morning alone with Andrea, Rachel, and Matt, at the beach house and to be able to think and pray and meditate. Mike Forest's beach house is right on the beach at Pirate's Cove. It is the largest beach house there. There is a neat turret off to the east. He gave it to his five kids and their kids, and is transferring it to them over the next 8 years. At one point I asked Andrea the rhetorical question: `Is it better to give your kids a beach house where they can play together, or a painting, which teaches synergy and eternal principles?' The beach house appears to be the better answer. So is tough love or unconditional love the best answer for Rob?
Matt watched Flubber. After a walk on the beach with Andrea and a full moon I watched the rest of the movie with him. Since we stayed up until 1:00 we ended up sleeping in until 8:00. Mike Forrest showed us around and what needed to be done to lock up the place. Andrea and I spent some time reworking the Walden 3-D Knowledge Backbone. This will become the new index for the library, audio tapes, and of course the walden3d.com web site. Then Matt, Andrea, and I went and played in the surf and with sand while Rachel watched George of the Jungle (../9730.html). It was fun, and I realized once again how much I have failed many of you by not playing enough. Dad always worked, and wasn't that involved in my school and other activities. I find myself doing the same thing. I sat on the beach and played in the sand and found myself obsessing on Marti's comment about `Why should you start exercising your parental rights and responsibilities now?" I thought about how mad she was at her Father for all of the mean things he said about Robbye after the divorce. And I hear how she calls Roice when she doesn't like the way I am handling Rob, or hear from Andrea how Rob says she has laid out all of the mistakes I have made, justifying the divorce. Then Rob tells Andrea, `Why won't Dad tell me his view of what happened?' There has probably been a need for more tough love, and less retreating for years.
After Andrea and Rachel washed the sheets and made the beds, Matt and I pulled the chairs and tables inside, put the storm shutters across all of the windows, and checked the beach house for anything we might have left. We went to Fisherman's Warf and ate, then Matt and I went and played chess with some 2 foot high chess pieces in downtown Galveston on The Strand while Andrea and Rachel went shopping. Matt didn't want to play anymore, after I made my first move which challenged him. Oh well! We drove back home, I dropped him off so he could mow the lawn, and I went to GTE Wireless to replace my phone charger, filled up the car with gas, and got a haircut. Then I took Matt over to rent a movie, and I went to see if I could talk to Marti. Rob answered the phone, and started the conversation repeating my `tough love' comment and getting me to confirm I do not negotiate with a juvenile making the choices he has been making. He closed the door and yelled to Marti several times that there was an asshole at the door to talk to her. She was getting ready to talk him to a play, and once again did not have time to talk. I made a sarcastic comment about rewarding Rob for his language, and got the door slammed and locked for the second time in three days.
I picked up Matt at Blockbuster with his movie, Wing Commander, took him home, had a shower, and Andrea and I went downtown to the Hyatt Regency to `Hollywood Nights, a Halliburton Signature Event.' I wasn't sure why I was invited, and went just to see if someone came and told me. There was a really good magician named Steven Shaw Banachek who performed. There were inpersonations of Elton John, Marilyn Monroe, Roy Orbison, Reba McEntire, Elvis Presley, and Shania Twain. The food was good, and the music loud. We talked to Bill Resley and his wife (the lady who speaks Russian, Italian, and Spanish and was at Andrea's and my reception talking to Paul, Alma Law, and Matt Reynolds). They introduced us to Lynn Chou, who is now the Chief Information Officer for Texaco. She was a graduate student at the University of Houston when I was running the Seismic Accoustics Laboratory. And John Gibson, the new president of Landmark Graphics came and talked to us for a while. Andrea was glad to get out of the alcohol filled environment and the loud music, and I wondered how effective tough love will be when this type of activity has become such a widespread part of modern society. We got home about 11:30, just after Rachel got home from a Stake Dance.
Robert Sneidman reported on his mission to Ohio in Sacrament Meeting. He was 25 when he went on his mission, and it was refreshing to hear a strong testimony of a youth who went the way of the world, and then made the effort to come back. He also spoke to the youth during Young Men's and Young Women's time. His words provided hope, and yet I still feel pretty discouraged.
One of the slides I used at the SEG says: `Everyone is smarter than anyone.' I do hope that my honesty and straight forwardness in these Thoughtlets is not offensive. I do hope you each know how much I love each of you. I do hope you will share with me and with each other your thoughts and concerns about what I write. I especially hope you will be part of everyone, and help this anyone make wiser choices relative to the best parts of unconditional love and tough love. And I specifically hope you will support me, and not allow our family to divide into camps, especially when it is necessary for tough love."
