cc: file, Andrea, Tony Hafen, Sara and Des Penny, & Maxine Shirts
"There is no Thoughtlet labeled Christmas, although the word Christmas is mentioned 304 times. More times than it makes sense to reference, as I have done on similar words in past Thoughtlets. In fact, this is enough times it makes sense to create a search engine for the Thoughtlets. It was interesting to read that the word Christmas was the number one search word in December 2004 on Google. Maybe we will get that far in 2004.
As I continue in my attempt to let go of Todd and Michelle, there are three more things I want to write.
First, Sister Pickerd says that her Mom reports that the police have found a surveillance video from the neighbors' with two men next to the Staheli's house the evening of the murder. Also they have found blood in the trunk of Todd's car. The Chauffer claims it was from the market, and the police are running tests on it. It will be good to see this chapter closed.
Second, after the dedication of the grave at the cemetery, I went up to Zera Staheli, Todd's Dad, to again express my grief. I told him after meeting his family, I realize they are doing extremely well, and do not need any help. I told him I will be checking in, and if there is anything I can do, particularly for the children, I want to. He confirmed that everything is under control. I then said, `Except that you can't find Todd's will.' He looked up at me somewhat surprised, and said, `Yeah. That rascal. But it will all work out.' What a fine man. Talking to him before the service, listening to his comments, and the few words we had at the cemetery helped me understand why I like/love Todd Staheli so much. I found it interesting that Riley Skeen called and said Linda, his wife, who is in Vernal looking after her mother who has cancer, saw and recognized Andrea and me on a television report on the funeral.
Third, when Todd first transferred from Legal into Commercial, he was assigned to a gas marketing group. They had a series of meetings with different regions to come up with new ways for Shell to market gasoline. Todd hired me as a consultant and flew me to New Jersey to meet with the `Garden State District,' to Los Angeles to meet with the `California LA Basin Markets,' and to Florida to meet with the `South-east Florida District.' Each group was unique, and in each case Todd used me to stimulate out-of-the-box thinking. I still have notes behind a password protected directory which I created for these various groups to use as an on-going dialog in their efforts to create a new value proposition. (Sara, this was where I developed some of the first dialog boards, like the one I set up for you at http://www.walden3d.com/dialog/saraellyn and which had five new posts on it between the 23rd and 25th of December). The Shell files and directories have dates of 18 Dec 1995 and 09 April 1996, so I expect this was when this work happened. In addition to the day long planning and value proposition meetings, Todd and I had time for the two of us to talk. I think these three meetings were when the two of us really got on the same wavelength with each other. I would go jogging each morning, and Todd decided to join me. Then I used things seen while jogging as a script for discussing the history of forming Landmark Graphics and HyperMedia Corporation, and of the ups and downs involved in being an entrepreneur. This was particularly effective with the meeting in New Jersey. And both Todd and I knew we would be doing this type of work again in the future, specifically to build up the Kingdom of God. Maybe this tragedy has been so hard for me because in many ways I feel left alone to do things which can not be done alone.
I'm sorry to keep going back to Todd & Michelle. However, I hope each of you will find close friends, like I found in my friendship with Todd. Given such friends, you will each face significant changes in your friendship relationships, like I now face with Todd and Michelle's passing to the other side of the veil. Hopefully, by referring back to the pain your Dad/Step-Dad/Uncle has been willing to share with you, you will find some strength or some insight in facing the inevitable changes in friendship and in relationships which you will face in your life ahead. Remember, Todd was 15 years younger than me, and that means that for most of you, there might be close friends out there who are still babies, or at least very young or maybe much older.
Other than these trailing feelings, Christmas 2003 was a good week. On Monday, the 22nd of December, I met with Al Lasaine, a retired Shell explorationist, who presented an interesting, and small prospect, in Louisiana. Based on this meeting, we will present this to Charlie Chambers and his technical guy when we meet with them in January. We thought Melanie was coming over in the morning, and Colby finally made it with Rob about 8:00 PM. It was good to see Rob and to spend some time with him. Andrea had other stuff she was doing, and so Colby and I went for a couple of walks to look at the different Christmas Tree Light displays in the neighborhood. Colby particularly liked the big lights that act as a yard border. In fact, it was hard to get him to not touch them and play with them and to leave them and to move on. He got pretty good at saying `light.' Not a bad word for any of you to add to your vocabulary, along with `truth' to make `light and truth'. Melanie arrived a little after 10:00.
Tuesday Colby and I went for a long walk in the morning, after I had already gone for a run. We also `discovered' the playground on Crescent Green. Audrey flew in about 10:00, and Andrea and she got to the house just as I was ready to leave for a lunch discussion with Floyd Lunt. Floyd is out of work and attempting to determine what the next logical step to take is. We had a very nice discussion, and I learned several things about new software development tools he has been using I didn't know were possible to do. Hopefully it was useful to him also. Colby had gone back to the park with Audrey and Matt while I was gone. When I returned, he and I headed back over to the park again. We were there for about three hours this time. He learned to climb up and slide down five different slides. He did this dozens of times. He learned to walk across a chain hung swinging fence, at least as long as he had hold of Grandpa's hand. And mostly he liked to play with dump trucks and graders in the sand, which some other kids had brought over to the park. It was fun. It made me realize what a hole there is being so far away from Ethan and Grant. There is no way that Grandkidlets make up for spending time at the park. Oh well! I kept my kids from being with their Grandparents by moving to Texas, so I guess it is appropriate I only get to see my Grandkids on occasion. Colby slept really good starting about 4:30.
Tuesday evening we had Audrey, Rachel, Matt, Roice, Rob, and Melanie with us for a ham dinner, where the ham was provided as a Christmas gift by Gary Jones and family. Sara Nemec and her brother John joined us later in the evening and also ate. Ben and Sarah and Ethan called and we did the web cam thing. It was a very nice evening, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Roice, Sara, John, and Rob took Matt with them to see `The Return of the King' again. I think everyone seemed pretty happy. Melanie and Colby left for Vidor about 8:00, and I was wiped out from all of the fun at the park.
Wednesday I spent working on a Christmas present for Andrea. I knew she didn't want me to spend any money, and so I took her genealogy and started to put it on-line. Once I had built her four generation pedigree chart (http://www.walden3d.com/Shirts/genealogy/001.html) it was easy to make a similar chart for Russell (../001A.html), Randy (../001B.html), Robert (../001C.html), and Steve (../001D.html). I also built a family group sheet for Grandpa and Grandma Shirts (../001.3.html). I had built my four generation pedigree chart a few weeks earlier (../Nelson/genealogy/001.html). I enjoy doing this type of thing, and am interested in creating similar pages for Sarah Johnson Nelson's family, for Kate Jones Nelson's family, for Jared Wright's family, for Des Penny's family, for Eric Neilson's family, etc. Eventually this will be database driven, and translatable into PAF and other genealogy program formats. The key advantages of the approach I am taking over church freeware and commercial programs is:
Wednesday evening we had the missionaries over for dinner. We went caroling in the neighborhood in the evening. Art and Alice Henderson were home, and all of us except Matt went in and met their two daughters and Catrina's fiancee. They had all kinds of questions about how Sara is doing. We hadn't called Sara yet, and so our news was old. We also walked down to Rita and Sam Hathorn's. It was cool, and Audrey and Rachel didn't have socks on. When we got back I beat Elder Rasmussen 2 out of 3 games of chess. I sang `The Birth' and the Elder's each gave a brief lesson about Christmas. Andrea and I took the Elder's home by way of Gary and Roetta Jones' house. It was a very nice Christmas Eve.
Christmas 2003 didn't start very early. I got up about 8:00, showered, read the paper, and at 9:00 we called Sara. Audrey and Rachel each came down and talked to her for a while. We conferenced to Roice and then to Melanie. We were on the phone for about 50 minutes. Sara sounds good, and seems happy. It is hot, and she sent a couple of nice e-mail's, which we received on Wednesday. I have posted these at http://www.walden3d.com/benin/letters. Aunt Sara, if you, or anyone else, does not have access to the Internet, and want me to forward correspondence from Sara, let me know. After the phone call, Matt came downstairs, and we got everyone lined up on the stairs for a couple of digital photos. Then it was the mad rush to the living room, and opening of presents. It is sad to not have each of you here, and it was still a very nice Christmas 2003 for those of us that were here. We gave everyone 72 hour emergency kits. Melanie was the most vocal about how nice a gift it was (I had to take the phone off of the speaker so she could tell Sara and Audrey, Rachel, and Matt wouldn't hear). There were many nice presents, and I think everyone felt good about the morning. Matt got Risk, and we have played a couple of games of Risk since Wednesday.
Roice came over in the afternoon. We got to watch him open his 72 hour kit. He liked the backpack best of all. We all went to see `Cheaper by the Dozen' at 5:50. I typically don't care much for Steve Martin's slapstick. However, this is a good movie, and I encourage all of you to see it when you have a chance. We went to the 3:50 showing, which was sold out, and sat in the theater for over an hour while kids were playing games and stuff. Then we brought Roice and Matt back to the house, Roice left, and the four of us went back to see `Mona Lisa Smile' at 7:00. Interesting story, and unnecessary and I thought irrelevant sections of the movie on lesbians. Very typical of today's movies, it was full of justification for not controlling appetites, particularly sexual appetites. I don't recommend this movie for anyone who is striving to build lasting family relationships. I do like Julie Roberts, and find it sad to see her choosing roles seeking to justify fornication, adultery, and choices which are guaranteed to lead to unhappiness. This reaction was the only negative feelings I had about Christmas 2003.
Friday morning I went for a run. Andrea and the girls were off shopping. I spent most of the day writing an e-mail requesting an investment/loan for Dynamic Resources. It will be interesting to see if this goes anyplace. In the evening, Steve Jones stopped by to talk about what he calls `geocities,' or what I call `miniarchologies.' I found the conversation very exciting. Exciting because Steve remembers it from 10 years ago when he was one of my scouts. Exciting because Steve has spent the last three years as an engineer building subdivisions for Costello, Inc., and he recognizes the ideas Ray Gardner and I have been talking about since 1970 as important. And mostly exciting because Steve is excited about the ideas. Paul told me he talked to Dan, Linda, and Steve, and that Steve continued the conversation when he got home, that Linda Jones, his Mom, told him the ideas would never sell, and that he got `quite upset with her.' My legacy continues. Oh well! Just after Steve left, Audrey, Rachel, Andrea, and I went to see the movie `Paycheck.' I liked this movie a lot. Good action movie, full of twists and turns through time and space, a lot of action and blowing things up, and still it seemed like a pretty good action movie. When we got back, Andrea, Matt, and I played Risk. Matt beat us all really good. Then Matt went to the airport with me to get Paul, who arrived at 12:50 AM. We got back to the house about 2:00 in the morning. It was 2:30 by the time we got to bed.
Aunt Sara called on Friday to ask if Sara is OK in Benin, since there was Boeing 727 that crashed on a beach in Cotonou and killed at least 82. I told her Sara was not in Cotonou, and that she was fine when we talked to her on Christmas Day.
Saturday morning slept in. Paul came in and woke us up at 8:00. It turns out Alma's wedding in the Houston Temple was at 8:00. It also turns out, we had a little announcement of it in the reception announcement, and neither Andrea nor I remember seeing it. So Paul came down for Alma's wedding, and didn't make it. Oh well! After reading the paper and talking to Paul I went on another run. I've put the five pounds since the news about Todd & Michelle. I still keep counting swallows, and for the last few weeks I have not been posting them everyday, and thus have not been limiting the total number of swallows at the end of each day. Oh well! We are approaching a new year, hopefully I will do better this new year.
Alma's wedding reception seemed to happen before I knew what was up. It was in the Louetta Building, where our ward was assigned to be for the Houston Temple Dedication. Alma catered it himself. He had prepared everything, and Paul had spent all morning helping put everything together. There were not a lot of people, and there was a real good spirit. I was soooooooo impressed with his wife Ruth. Told them it was good to see the Old Testament Ruth getting together with the Book of Mormon Alma. It was the first time for me to meet Clayton's wife. Clayton served a mission, was married in the temple, and has three children. He makes cabinets, builds houses, and does construction. Says it is really nice to see how much he has accomplished at the end of the day. I told his wife about the time I had a Chinese delegation that wanted to go to McDonalds. Roice, A.J. Swope, Clayton, and Steven Jones were with me. As I sat down to eat, the leader of the Chinese delegation, a woman, said, `Mr. Nelson, I'm sorry to ask this, but which one is your son? They all look the same to me.' Andrea and I spent quite a bit of time talking to Ruth's Mom and some time talking to her Dad. Her Dad is a Veterinarian Professor at Colorado State University in Ft. Collins. This is one of the hotspots for the equivalent of Mad Cow Disease in mule deer and elk. It was very interesting to get their perspectives. They do not even believe the 18 cases in England can be tied to beef. And they think the media is creating a hurricane out of a wind storm. Interesting perspective, and it is still scary to me. Maybe because we used to feed protein from the byproducts plant to our cattle.
We drove straight to Bethany and Brandon's wedding reception. Much more formal, and in the clubhouse on Westheimer Parkway. I think this is the first time I have been to the marriage of two kids, both of whom I watched grow up from little kids to where they are today. It is always good to see the Reeds. Alan Peterson was worried about the sound system in the dinning room. They had shrimp and roast beef and pasta and fancy hors d'oeuvres with salmon and tomatoes and cream cheese, etc. We sat down and the Pickerds and Salts joined us. Then the Grua's came in and we had a nice conversation with them. Corey and Mike and I were talking with the High Priest Group Leader in Mike's Ward came in. Mike is in the High Priest Group Leadership again (the three of us were the Nottingham Country High Priest Group Leadership for a few years). Lots of good memories and lots of good friends. Hard to remember those days when I thought I had no friends.
Paul had several of his friends he went to High School with at the reception. He was tired, and he had a good time talking with them. He left early, because I asked him to go out to pick up Matt from work with me. Matt really wanted everyone to come out to see his work. The girls had already taken off their makeup and didn't want to get dressed again, which is reasonable. Matt was unreasonable in his response, and we had a bit of an altercation on the drive home. The interesting thing is that earlier in the day Andrea had a big discussion and was once again told how she was responsible for all of other folks hurt feelings because she was so stretched and was not emotionally available to them when they were growing up. And when Andrea later pointed out that Matt wanted the girls to come and see his work place, the response was, `It wasn't my fault! Don't blame me for the fight!' This kind of seems like wanting to eat and keep your cake, and I think we all need to be a little less sensitive about feeling people are blaming us for something, especially when they aren't blaming us, they are just passing on data.
Sunday Paul, Rachel, and I went over to Vidor to go to church with Melanie and her family. It was good to see Paul's interactions with Colby and everyone else. In Priesthood Paul introduced us and said, if anyone wants the real lowdown on Melanie he would be selling it for $18/item after church. When he told Melanie, and offered to sell the data to her on an exclusive basis for $40, she simply said, `Paul, I've got more on you than you've got on me.' The conversation ended. I wonder what else I don't know! The Wrights had a feast, and let us share it with them. They talked about my swallows and I had to correct Jackie that it is not chews I count, but swallows. Leah Whitrock, a young girl whom Andrea Visit Teaches, had a serious car accident by Beaumont, and we ended up going by the hospital to see her. She is lucky to be alive. She is Scott Whitrock, my Home Teaching Companion's, sister. Her baby and her boyfriend were in fine shape, but she had broken bones and a damaged spleen. Rachel drove both to and back from Vidor. I read and slept in the back seat.
When we got back, Paul went with me to Home Teach the Riches and Hayden Hudson. When I introduced Paul as my `little boy' the Riches kids were not sure what to think about it. Then I told them he has two big brothers. Paul said corrected me and said Roice and Ben are older and smaller. It was a nice day and evening, and the perfect end to Christmas 2003."