cc: file, Andrea, Tony Hafen, Sara and Des Penny, & Maxine Shirts
Some time back I planned on this Thougthlet being dedicated to the 100 year anniversary of human flight by the Wright Brothers. However, things change, and so did the topic for this Thoughtlet.
"It is amazing how much can happen in a week. The rest of the story is it is hard to know what to document; i.e. how much is too much; how much is not enough; what will interest folks; or what will prove useful in the future. Up to now, in these Thoughtlets, I have erred on the side of writing too much, believing I will develop and implement indexing and search tools which will allow folks to hone in on specific events they want to use as the basis for a college paper or a talk in church. Of course, maybe I'm just fooling myself. Maybe no one will ever go back to the archives and review these words. However, even in this worst case scenario, I have gained from writing, and feel like it has been useful to make and continue to make the effort. So this week was dominated by Todd & Michelle's funeral.
Monday morning I went in early to finish up preparing the data to take to GDC. I missed a couple of things, and the CD included 625 MB of data and 1,432 html files. Just based on the html files, it turns out to be $11.17 per page. I wonder if that is standard for all of the html pages at http://www.walden3d.com? I got to GDC's offices on the 21st floor of 1 Riverway at 1:25, and by 1:35 I had loaded the OpenOffice software and was ready for the presentation. David Johnson had to leave for a telephone call for 20 minutes. Mike Dunn and he were with me until about 4:30 reviewing what had been put together. I was pleased, they seemed pleased, and hopefully it will turn into a full-time opportunity with upside starting in January. It would be nice to not be worried about making ends meet at the middle of each month. I was burned out by the time I got home. Andrea read from the book `Skipping Christmas' for our Family Home Evening. I finished preparing a contribution for Todd & Michelle's Memorial book from three Thoughtlets this year (0349.html, 0324.html, and 0325.html). It turned out to be 50 pages of notes (no wonder I seldom get comments back on these epistles). Then I hit the sac.
Tuesday was spent redoing a couple of things requested by Dave Johnson. It took all day, and I will be able to bill them for several days work once this rework is finished. There were phone calls with Swede and others on the way back to the house. Rachel arrived for the holidays on Tuesday. Rachel, it is wonderful to have you here, even if I didn't get enough sleep last night. Tuesday evening I was wiped out, and went to sleep early.
Wednesday I did something I had been planning for some time as a Christmas present for Ethan, Grant, and Colby. I got really frustrated with the copy machine and lost my cool. Matt happened to get in the way. I'm sorry I yelled at you Matt. Wednesday evening Andrea and I left for the airport at 5:15. We had an 8:00 PM flight on America West to Salt Lake via Phoenix. It was late, they made up the time, then it was late leaving Phoenix, and Paul had to wait for us for a while. Marilyn and Corey Grua sent us an article titled `Why Bad Things Happen at All - A Search for Clarity among the Problems of Evil.' Andrea and I each read it on the flight. I particularly liked a quote from `The Truth, the Way, the Life' by B.H. Roberts, where he says:
It would be useful reference material to quote the entire
article, and I won't because this will be too long for many
of you to read it anyway. It was 2:00 AM Houston time when
we hit the sack at Paul's house. Paul and Kate have this
really neat portable air bed that is really comfortable.
Thursday was Todd & Michelle's Funeral. We slept in until 8:00 Provo time (9:00 Utah time). After some egg nog, shaving and a shower, playing with Grant, talking to Kate, and arranging to meet Audrey via a couple of phone calls, Paul, Andrea, and I headed out to Spanish Fork at 11:15 AM. We arrived at the Stake Center at 11:30. It was set up like for Stake Conference, and most of the chairs were filled by the time the funeral started. We sat on the next to the last row on the left side, facing the front. The entire center section was blocked off for family, and they still ran out of room for family members. Paul saved our place and Andrea and I went to go through the line. Todd's parents were by the two coffins. The man before us had flown up from Houston. He was in the Elder's Quorum Presidency with Todd in The Woodlands. He lost his composure and Brother and Sister Staheli were comforting him. They are strong people. When we introduced ourselves, Sister Staheli said, `We know that name.' And tears came to my eyes. We had a nice discussion. We then walked over to Wesley, who gave us each a nice hug. She told us the kids would be staying with their Aunt Teri Sadler. We got the name, address, and phone number. Then we introduced ourselves to Chad, who said he read my entire epistle. He was not sure where the kids would be staying. It depends on if they are able to find Todd's will and what his wishes are. Both are very nice people. I feel better about the kids, and believe there will not be issues of attempting to get insurance money, the house in Eden, etc.
We talked to Madison. Carly didn't remember us, and we just said hi. A cousin pointed out Logan with one of his other cousins, and said `He is the one in the tuxedo.' It was actually a new suit. We went back into chapel and traded places with Paul. It turned out Marilyn Grua's sister Edith and her family sat right behind us. We had a very nice conversation with her and her husband. Ray and Beth West had come in while we were talking, and I went up to the front to talk to them. Beth said, `Roice, don't start, I've been crying straight for two weeks.' Ray looked the same as when he taught seminary in our ward. However, their son Devon has really grown up. He has received his mission call to the southernmost mission in Brazil. Understanding glances were exchanged at this news. They flew in from Boston to pick up Devon and to come the the funeral. Then Chris and Cynthia Songster came in. They had flown up from Houston. They were with Chris Clawson and his wife, whose name I don't remember. She remembered teaching Melanie and asked all about the family. They flew up from Los Angeles. Paul and Karen Sullivan flew in from The Hague in Holland. Jordan and Carole Burns flew in from Phoenix with their new adopted baby and their daughter Meagan, who is one of Sara's friends. There was a lot to catch up on, and the time seemed to fly. Audrey and her friend Jared arrived and sat with us. Rachel Lunt and Cassandra(sp) Dukes were there. Nottingham Country Ward was certainly well represented.
The program for Todd & Michelle's funeral read:
I took notes, both for me and for each of you. Each of Todd's
sibling's talked during the Staheli Family tributes. I do not
know them, and so I will probably mix up who said what.
I think it was Kelli who talked about Todd always saying: `That is not acceptable!' She also told how Todd brought Logan to Utah from Rio for the deer hunt, how he flew his parents around the world, and how she hopes heaven has a Harley for Todd. The second sister to talk was Erin. She described how Todd spent hours and hours teaching her how to do a back flip on the family trampoline. She talked about how Todd helped her sister Julie and her to help a group of orphans in Kiev. She said Logan reminds her of Tarzan, where he lost both his parents and was raised by a bunch of monkeys.
Christi was the third sister to talk. She described how Todd was a tall good looking man and the problems he had with the working girls in Kiev. Finally someone taught him to say `Het cnacnbo a roaobou' (which Paul wrote out for me), which solved the problem. Later Todd learned it means, `No thank you, I'm gay.' Paul said they used this phrase a lot in Siberia. Interesting how unexpected things are brought up at unexpected times. Christi talked about how her and Todd got in a nasty card `gottcha last' game. For example, Todd sent her a birthday card which said, `I was going to get you some flatware for your birthday,' and when you open it up said, `but I decided you should buy your own bras.' Then when in Rio, she sent him one, expecting he would not be able to find anything there in English to respond with. He sent an express package, which was how to survive geriatrics. He called the day after it arrived to make sure she got it. She talked about how they played Batman and Robin, and how Todd was always Batman. She said there were a lot of people waiting for Todd when he arrived in heaven. Not only family, but those to meet the first lawyer to make it there. She is 14 months younger, and even though Todd will always be 39, he will also always be her older big brother and her best man next to her husband Jim.
Brad, Todd's youngest brother, said Todd is still with Michelle, and this makes me happy. Chad talked about how Todd & Michelle have a life worth celebrating. When he was 15 years old and Todd was an intern in Washington D.C., he became Michelle's chaperone for a week. Todd got all gooey and mushy with Michelle. Michelle was cool. She could impersonate a duck taking off of water. She was Todd's first and only true love. He knows Todd knows his redeemer lives, and knows families can be together forever, and that Todd and Michelle will be together forever.
Terri Sadler spoke for the Davis family. She pointed out how there are no rough sides in the Staheli family. They are solid and strong. Michelle was her best friend and her hero. She was a very busy child like Carly. She knows there was a glorious reunion with her parents, whom Michelle missed every day. She always looked beautiful and made sure the kids looked beautiful. She kept relationships alive. Michelle loved the Lord. Her inner beauty was enhanced by her physical beauty.
Larry Haslam from Logan talked about how hundreds of lives around the world have been changed the last few weeks. We have all gone through a mighty change in our lives. We fell in love with four children. There have been names on temple prayer rolls around the world. We have become kinder, gentler, and more humble. Their death, though tragic, is having a marked positive impact on our lives. This senseless act has brought hundreds, if not thousands, to better love or Savior. In only 3 weeks we are all better people than we were. Though it is difficult, like all things, it is good if we do what the spirit teaches. He was Michelle's Bishop, Stake President, and taught at the High School. She was out of control in primary. But she taught everyone around her. As a youth, she had too big of feet and was awkward. She lost her father when she was a senior. She continued to teach. He interviewed her for her temple recommend. He was at her wedding. In Proverbs it asks, `Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is greater than ruby's.' In Michelle we find one. Both Michelle and Todd had rose colored glasses on. They looked at the flowers and not at the weeds. This is not the time to ask why questions. It is the time to ask what questions. Questions like, `What do I do to stay close to the Savior.' Or maybe where questions, like, `Where do I go for help.' He promised Wesley, Logan, Madison, and Carley they will grow up to be wonderful children of God, gathered in the arms of His love. He told them `God will take away your fear and you will hear the spirit of your Mom and Dad. Your family is eternal. Only through death can any of us reach our full potential.'
David Brinley was a law student with Todd at BYU who also went to work at Shell. Todd migrated from legal to commercial. He talked of trading baby-sitting while they were both in London and how Michelle had the rare gift to give love to other people's children as much as to their own children.
Karen Sullivan talked about meeting Todd and Michelle in Nottingham Country Ward 13 years ago in Sunday School. She talked about how their children had grown up together. About a trip to Israel, the Dead Sea, and Masada. Todd ran to the top of Masada so he could share the experience with Michelle. She talked of Michelle being a Young Women leader in Katy. She talked about how Madison is a spiritual giant. She talked about how Todd and Michelle are united in the gospel, refined, and how their love for our Savior was evident in their lives. She pointed out how eternal covenants are now in force.
Zera Staheli, Todd's father, talked about how Todd always had agenda's, whether on a motorbike trip or talking to a family member. He sometimes got tired of hearing `This is unacceptable.' He pointed out that when hard times come you get through them with a firm belief in God, a firm belief in the preexistence, a firm belief we are His sons and His daughters, a firm belief life is real, a knowledge agency is a gift of God, although at times this gift is hard to comprehend, a firm belief God still lives, a firm belief we are his children, before and after death, and a firm belief there is life after death. Todd and Michelle are still alive. We receive great strength from each other in families. He described how much better he now understands the calming effect that comes from when prayers are said in someone's behalf. What does a father say about his son? He quoted from a letter from someone in Shell who said `Too many people hide their values. Todd was not like that. He challenged how I practice my private values.' He quoted from an e-mail to Todd from his Mom a few weeks ago where she pointed out that when Todd came into this world he came in crying, and how he had to have good lungs to be the oldest. Todd's response was, `Thanks Mom. I am and always have been incredibly blessed.' Todd called the Bishop and told him he was regularly traveling to Bolivia and he would bring things to his son who was about to leave for a mission there.
Roger Merrill, the Area President, whom I met when I did some consulting work for The Covey Leadership Center, was next to speak. He talked about how the war in heaven continues on earth now and how the issues are the same. The role of the Savior and agency are key. And when evil takes over agency there are terrible things which happen. He pointed out that no damage that comes to our body is permanent because of the atonement of Christ. Sin and death are real. So is the resurrection real. We live in an environment of mercy. This was a very good talk, and my notes do not do justice to what was said.
Elder Donald L. Staheli, a General Authority and 70, was representing the First Presidency and also as a cousin is a member of the family. He has a Todd a few months older than Todd, and has had dozens and dozens and dozens of calls asking if this was their Todd. Although he did not know Todd, he feels like he does now. He pointed out how each of us need to go home and rededicate our lives to the legacy Todd and Michelle left behind. He pointed out from the New Testament the words: `I have no greater joy than to know my children live the gospel.' Then he read a letter to the four children from the Prophet and the First Presidency. The letter points out how Todd and Michelle are now held by a loving Heavenly Father. It stressed how Todd and Michelle want the children to stay close to the Gospel. And it closed leaving witness that Todd and Michelle live, just as does Jesus Christ. It was a very, very, very touching and eloquent letter.
I took quite a few photos at the cemetery. It was a very touching scene. These photos will be at http://www.walden3d.com/photos/Friends/Staheli_Todd_Michelle for those of you interested. I want to commission a painting by Ken Turner capturing this moment and what I felt as we talked to family and friends. I spent a few hours today pulling out notes from Prime Words, and I have outlined how to expand Prime Words from 7 Chapters, to 17 Chapters, and the basic concept behind paintings for Heather, Audrey, Rachel, and Matt, as well as Wesley, Logan, Madison, and Carly. If you are interested, I would love to start a conversation with each of you about my ideas, so it can be modified, refined, improved, and become your idea too. If my thoughts hold up, Wesley's painting will be of the Spanish Fork Cemetery. As I was looking for these notes, I came across a handout from the Nottingham Country Ward Teacher's Quorum on 11 July 1993 with the following quotes from Todd Staheli:
And
I also came across some notes I made last week, which I
forgot to include in the last Thoughtlet. First were some
words from Mr. Perez from Israel, who won the Nobel Peace
Prize and who said about politics:
Todd was focused on becoming a politician, and the words are
haunting, considering the last few weeks. Then there was a
possible stanza for Prime Words which was written last Sunday
based on comments by Wade Hutchings in Sacrament meeting:
Wade further pointed out that we do not use the cross as
a symbol of Christ, because it is a symbol of his death.
Rather, our individual lives become a symbol of the living
Christ. Certainly Todd & Michelle were a symbol of the
living Christ.
There are three images from the funeral that will haunt me the rest of my life. The first was as we sat in the chapel, with the entire middle section roped off, Logan came in with some of his cousins. He slipped under the ropes, slid to the center, and glanced back. As he looked back, he saw me, his gaze started to wander off, and then he looked back, I waved, and he waved to me. I sensed a friendship not unlike I had with his father, who was 14 years my junior. The second was at cemetery, where Logan put his arm around Michelle's coffin and held on for all he was worth. Shortly after, Andrea hugged him and told him how 10 years with Todd & Michelle was worth 40 years with many other parents. Then I noticed as Andrea hugged Wesley how she was staring off into space, unfocused, and not really there. As Logan finished hugging Andrea, he walked over to me and gave me a hug, in the same way a child gives a hug to someone their Mom has told them to. I felt like I was holding all of my loved ones in my arms and as if I could see into each of your hearts. I felt as though I held:
It is hard for me to find words to describe how I felt as I held Logan Staheli, somewhat like one would hold a 5 foot tall limp noodle. I believe it was a small sample of what the love our Savior feels for us is like. It is certainly not captured in the photos, in the sacrifice of attending the funeral, in the conversations, or even in the words I have written. Hopefully it will be captured in my involvement in the lives of Wesley, Logan, Madison, and Carly over the next 20 years, and, of course, in my involvement in each of your lives over the same time-frame, given I am blessed to live that much longer.
I could probably write for another several hours about Todd & Michelle's funeral, and I won't. I won't because some of you won't read it. I won't because it is late. I won't because, hopefully I have captured the essence of my experience above. And I won't because I want to what happened Thursday evening, and the rest of the week, and this is getting too long to be called a little statement of big thoughts.
And looking back, when we left Todd & Michelle's funeral at about 5:00 Thursday evening, it feels as if our week was just beginning. We went back to Paul and Kate's and played with Grant and ate some pasta salad. And before we knew it, it was time to meet Randy and Kathryn and their family at Bombay House for an evening feast. Heather had arrived in town for Christmas with her Dad, and chose to not join with us. However, Audrey and Jared came. Kate's sister Lori baby-sat Grant. Catlin, Kristen, and Erica were with Randy and Kathryn. It was a feast, and I ate too many swallows. Oh well! I really enjoyed the conversations and the company and Randy insisted on picking up the bill. Paul and Erica played a game of `gottcha last' as we left. Andrea and I dropped Kate off at the house and Paul off at the church to play basketball with some friends from work and we went up to visit with Randy and Kathtyn and to see the remodeling they are doing. They have replaced the carpet in the music room with wood flooring like is in the kitchen. The echo in the room, once the carpet was up, was really nice. I could imagine really enjoying playing the guitar in a room like that. Randy was busy putting the final coat of paint on the room. It was a nice evening, and I was definitely ready to go to sleep when we got back to the air mattress.
I kept thinking and dreaming about Logan Staheli, and kept waking up. I had the alarm clock with only four times marked, and it was set for Houston time. So I ended up getting up at 3:30 Utah time and being finished with my shower by 4:00. Oh well! We left for the airport at 5:15. The lines at the airport were longer than any flight I have ever been on except a Christmas time flight on Southwest out of Las Vegas. The airport in Phoenix was just as busy. In fact, they called for volunteers because of overbooking, and Andrea and I volunteered to take a later flight. We had to wait at the airport for another 3 hours, and we each got a $300.00 travel coupon. It made it feel like we could afford to have gone to Todd & Michelle's funeral.
We got back to the house at 6:30 PM and at 7:15 PM we left with Matt and Rachel for Cinemark and `Return of the King.' It is an OK movie. I feel like it was hyped a bit. I will be surprised if it wins at the Academy Awards. I can imagine a future time with large screen projection in the living room and family sitting through 9 hours of DVD `Lord of the Rings' or `Star Wars.' I think that will be more fun than the movie was Friday night. Maybe I was just tired.
Saturday morning I didn't wake up until 8:30. We were to be at the Jain wedding for Rita Hathorn's daughter Julie at 9:30. It turns out I took the shortest possible route, and on the way Andrea was so frustrated with me not following the map she was crying. Oh well! We made it, I buttoned up her dress after we arrived, and we were both blown away by the Jain ceremony. The groom was part of a dance parade in the outside world (telestial), was welcomed into a nice room by the bride's family and friends (terrestrial) and everyone was ushered into the wedding room (celestial). There were washings and anointing, an endowment starting out in the universe and offering sacrifices on an alter. A white veil held up between the bride and the groom prior to their being bound together for eternity. There is a ceremony to wash the feet of the bride and the groom. The new husband and wife became a God and a Goddess, to be worshiped, and were taught to always worship the two most important Gods of their life, their Mother and their Father. I will quote the scroll we were each given as we were ushered into the wedding room:
I thoroughly enjoyed this experience. The experience reminded
me of a song I wrote on November 1st of 1992, and which a quick
search of previous Thoughtlets shows I have not recorded yet:
There was a nice Indian lunch afterwards. Really good eggplant
lasagna. I ate too much, continuing Thursday night's dinner
at the Bombay House in Provo. There were interesting conversations.
Some of Andrea's walking ladies and their husbands were called on
to participate in the ceremony. They had the red marks on their
foreheads. There were lively conversations about all that
happened. Mrs. Land from Taylor High School was there. She
wanted to know all about Todd & Michelle's funeral. We got home
about 1:00, and I could hardly stay awake to catch up on reading
the papers. In fact, I took a two hour nap after reading
Thursday and Friday and before Saturday's paper.
We left for the Christian wedding at 5:30. We knew the way to go this time. Both weddings were held at The Texas Ballroom, about 10 miles south of the George Bush Park, where the Ward has had several Ward Activities. What a production. Sam Hathorn told us neither Julie nor Ankur felt married after the Jain ceremony. I found this comment interesting, especially with the Christian Ceremony's focus on divorce at the end of their life (`until death do you part'), compared to the Jain focus on being eternal companions. Talk about low cut and tight semitransparent bridesmaid dresses! The walking ladies and their husbands all were invited for a photo with the bride and groom and the Hathorn's after the wedding. There were stuffed jalapenos and vegetables and a bar, and then they opened the doors to a dinner banquet, with an extensive program, video's, skits, and dancing. We sat with the walking ladies. It is fascinating to me that these walking ladies have been more important in Andrea's transition to Houston than the members of the Ward. And we had a very nice evening. The whole experience helped me to appreciate that much more Karen Sullivan's words at Todd & Michelle's funeral: `Eternal covenants are now in force.' We are very blessed to have the eternal perspective of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. It was almost midnight when we got home, and Andrea stayed up once we got home. This resulted in a reasonable and good conversation on Sunday evening about curfew's when kids come home to stay with us.
The Ward Choir sang for the Christmas Sacrament Meeting. Words to one of the songs I really enjoyed are included for your review and consideration:
These words reminded me of my three moments with Logan Staheli
at the church and at the cemetery in Spanish Fork on Thursday.
And the words were punctuated by (1) a comment George Schultz
made in Gospel Doctrine when commenting on Revelations 3:10 he
said we need to `step between the raindrops,' and (2) a comment
by Bishop Vaughn Camp[a], which I turned into a possible stanza
for Prime Words:
And this summarizes the message of Todd & Michelle's Funeral."