cc: file, Andrea, Tony Hafen, Sara and Des Penny, & Maxine Shirts
"I have gotten so far behind on Thoughtlets since the death of my mother, Pauline H. Nelson, I, yet again, considered giving up on this effort. However, I continue to believe there will be good come from continuing to write about my thoughts and times. One of the blessings accompanying Mom's death is I no longer need to write the Thoughtlets keeping in mind how not to disappoint nor to make her too upset. It is sad to have yet another name taken off of the address list as to who gets a copy of these thoughtlets.
However, my nephew Brian came up to me at the funeral and said `Uncle Roice, here's my e-mail address, you can send me a copy of your Thoughtlets, if you want to.' Thanks for the interest Brian. Hopefully I will say some things which interest you, get your mind thinking in a different way, and won't offend you too badly with my frank comments. And when I do offend you, hopefully you won't take it personally, will see the love behind my words, and you will strive to learn from another perspective. As it says at the bottom of each of these "little notes" (too often epistles), if you want to review past Thoughtlets go to www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets. For your reference, at some point in the future, it is my intention to get a search engine tied into these pages, and to index them spatially, temporally, and by activity, so any of you looking for an analog about how to take on some specific challenge in your life, can have the context to find what I wrote relative to this topic. Who knows, these words might even prove useful when you write your own personal history.However, my nephew Brian came up to me at the funeral and said `Uncle Roice, here's my e-mail address, you can send me a copy of your Thoughtlets, if you want to.' Thanks for the interest Brian. Hopefully I will say some things which interest you, get your mind thinking in a different way, and won't offend you too badly with my frank comments. And when I do offend you, hopefully you won't take it personally, will see the love behind my words, and you will strive to learn from another perspective. As it says at the bottom of each of these "little notes" (too often epistles), if you want to review past Thoughtlets go to www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets. For your reference, at some point in the future, it is my intention to get a search engine tied into these pages, and to index them spatially, temporally, and by activity, so any of you looking for an analog about how to take on some specific challenge in your life, can have the context to find what I wrote relative to this topic. Who knows, these words might even prove useful when you write your own personal history.
I have outlined the Thoughtlets to catch up on. In a way it is appropriate to start with the title of the last completed Thoughtlet, and then give you a preview of what is coming up as I catch up:
06Apr03 .../2003/0314.html Blame and Shame
13Apr03 .../2003/0315.html Pauline H. Nelson
20Apr03 .../2003/0316.html Heavenly Harp Music
27Apr03 .../2003/0317.html Paul's Graduation from BYU
04May03 .../2003/0318.html Audrey's Graduation from SUU
11May03 .../2003/0319.html Black-Eye: Holographic Seismology
18May03 .../2003/0320.html Sara's Graduation from UT Austin
As I consider just the titles, it has been a very impressive 7 weeks. Not many folks open up about mistakes, bury their Mom, `parachute' into a distant town following an all-night flight in order to listen to take-you-out-of-this-world harp music, see three of their kids graduate from three separate universities, and help write the fourth novel in a popular writer's series, a novel which, based on the success of the previous 3 novels, is already being considered to become a Hollywood movie. Anyway, these words preview what is coming up in the next few Thoughtlets.
I was kind of drained after writing about Blame and Shame (0314.html). It is never easy to admit our mistakes, our pride, our brashness, our big egos, and our unwillingness to follow the Saviors teachings and to `be as teachable as a little child.' So when I woke up Monday morning, the 7th of April, I was not expecting to see a rather lengthy article about the passing of a professional acquaintance. His name was General Hugh Hardy. Somehow the newspaper article did not make it down to today in my piles. However, the following was in the mail about a week later:
I had promised Anne Simpson (0313.html) to visit her and
talk about her memoirs on Monday afternoon. Since it was
in the vicinity of the funeral home, I decided it would be
good to go to the viewing to pay my respects after visiting
with Anne. I had served on GSH committees with General Hardy's
daughter, Kathryn Hardy. I was very touched by the handout
his four daughters had prepared for those who visited.
It says:
Wulf Massell was at the viewing and we talked at some
length. Fred Hilterman was also there, and he seemed
quite touched by the event. I wrote more about my
feelings in the Easter talk I was asked to give at The
Nottingham Country Ward (0316.html). I left about
6:30 and just made it back to Katy in time to go to
Matt's Pre-UIL Choral Concert. Matt is in the Men's
Choir and they sang `I Wish I was Single Again,'
`Skye Boat Song,' and `Vive L'Amour.' They really
did a good job. However, the fact I was still
thinking about General Hardy's viewing was shown on
my Swallows Sheet, where I drank milk & honey before
going to bed.
Tuesday morning I had a meeting with Bob Sneider. It has been many years since Bob `fired me,' with a cold letter just after we returned from our church history tour, which was about the summer of 1995. Sometimes I wonder why I keep going back to folks who have hurt me so much. I do respect Bob professionally, and I guess I'm attempting to get him to accept me. It is a theme in my life, and relates to my relationship with my Mother. As I was sitting in his lobby, the cell phone rang. It was Andrea telling me Sara had just called, and Mom had died earlier that morning while eating breakfast. I turned off the phone and apologized to Sneider for the intrusion, explaining it was news that Mom had died. He expressed concern, and then proceeded to tell me why the things I had sent him about Dynamic Resources will never fly with an investor. His son broke up the meeting, and he apologized for not being able to go to lunch with me because of another meeting. His insights were interesting, and I left thinking how it is not possible to ever please some people.
As I walked out of his office, Randy Valk, one of the first employees at Landmark Graphics came off the elevator. He is working for Object Reservoir, John Mouton's reservoir simulation company. As we were talking, Sneider came out and said, `I promised you a copy of this report.
It is a report titled `Geoscience Data and Collections, National Resources in Peril.' I took it with me the next morning when I went to Utah, and it has become a discussion theme over the last seven weeks. As I read it on the airplane to Las Vegas, the idea was planted in my mind that SUU and Cedar City would be a logical place for setting up the Rocky Mountain Federally funded $35-50 million geoscience repositories. Sneider has been on a committee, and was the key author of this report, which was requested by Vice-President Dick Cheney, and which is the keystone of the Bush Energy Plan, which has yet to go to Congress for funding. When I stopped to see Ray Gardner on Thursday, he said it would be a good idea to take it up with SUU. I talked to Uncle Des about it, and as the retiring Dean of The College of Science and Engineering he was quite favorable to the idea. He attempted to set up a meeting with the Provost, who was busy, and we ended up meeting with President Steven D. Bennion on Friday afternoon. Andrea knew him, because he had attempted to hire her from David Grant to be his personal assistant when he first moved to Cedar City, and so she went with us for the introductions, and then took off. And I get ahead of myself.
Tuesday after leaving Sneider's office I went to the AGL (Allied Geophysical Laboratories) annual meeting (../9745.html, ../9816.html, ../9932.html, ../9945.html, ../9950.html, ../0146.html, and ../0149.html) at the University of Houston. It was the first time I had been to one of these meetings since the fall of 1983, and it was like stepping into a time-warp. Same discussions, some of the same oil company sponsors, and certainly the same issues. As I listened to the presentations, my mind would wander to Pauline H. Nelson, and a feeling of relief she is no longer tied down by her body. Gravity is such a blessing, and yet it can be so stifling. I could imagine Mom exploring time and space, seeking out the Crightons, Zona, Grandpa and Grandma Hafen, and others who have traveled to spiritual worlds prior to her visit. And the graduate students at the University of Houston talked about about a different view of time and space: seismic section travel-time, processing sequences, and locations. There were a few tears.
I thought about how nice it was Melanie spent 25 minutes on the phone with Mom on Sunday afternoon (0314.html), and about my last conversation with her Sunday evening. She said she was having spasms because she had fallen out of bed. She also asked how much of the farm she still owned? I told her the same as always. She said she had this nightmare that there was a city built on the farm. I said, `Well there hasn't been any city built on the farm. Do you want one built there?' She said, `No, I just want the value to be maximized.' It was interesting to me, because Darrel Krueger closed on buying the house from Uncle Des and Aunt Sara earlier in the week, and it was like Mom already knew this had happened. I called Aunt Sara later that Sunday evening, and she was truly upset about how Mom was doing and about not being able to tell Mom about selling the house. Hopefully none of the 10 of you will have to face the kind of trials with Andrea or myself which Aunt Sara has had relative to taking care of Mom after her stroke.
There were a bunch of phone calls Tuesday. Melanie was committed to a show in Austin, and so she was not able to come. I really appreciate that each of the rest of you and Roice and Rob were able to make the effort and to attend the funeral. I know it wasn't easy. Ben, with his job interview in California, Sara with her harp concert, Rob with his paper due, etc. Andrea was able to make the plane reservations for me for Wednesday morning, and also for her and Matt for Friday morning. Rob, Matt, and Andrea rode to Austin Thursday evening and stayed with Sara. Then Rob came with Roice and Sara Friday evening, staying in Vegas, and picking up Ben Saturday morning. Logistics of moving this many of us are complicated.
There were no issues in flying to Las Vegas, renting a car and heading out to Cedar City. There was an interesting phone call, which I described in my Easter Talk (0316.html), and so I won't repeat it here. I stopped in St. George and ate a blueberry malt at Larson's on the way to Cedar City. Aunt Sara had everything under control. My responsibilities were to get someone to conduct (Conrad Hatch, Mom's former boss), someone to speak (Harold Hiskey and Gen Gardner), to go with Sara to the funeral home and review everything, and to call insurance, social security, Medicaid, and retirement folks to get her taken off of their mailing lists. Sara and I went through a lot of boxes, sorting things. There were some very interesting things, including letters from the six Nelson children to Grandma Nelson sent maybe 15 years ago. One day at noon we went to the lawn by the SUU library and listened to Brian and Chelsea perform for the crowds of SUU students (crowds were a little bit thin, as far as crowds go). They are both very good and very talented. Sara, Des, Rachel, and Heather were all there to show support for Brian. I'm sure Grandma Nelson was there cheering Brian on also.
If I were to die now, I'm afraid my stuff would not be so simple to clean up as Mom's was. Although I guess it would be pretty easy to just toss all of the boxes in the garage. My cousin, Mark Nelson, went with me on Thursday to clean out the rest of the material in the Rest Home in La Verkin. He had a neighbor whom we gave the large moving chair to, and he took the oxygen to give to someone else. I went out and visited my Aunt Mary Mae Nelson, who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and only given a few months to live. There was a very interesting phone call from Tom Frantis at Exxon-Mobil, introducing me to Tom Myers at Sunreyes, a new virtual reality company. I also talked to Phillip Levine at T-Surf about being represented by Geo in China. I was a few days too late for Geo. Oh well!
Aunt Sara was overwhelmed. I'm sure it partly had to do with using some cream to burn off skin cancers, and feeling very self-conscious about how she looked. However, all of the activities did go very nicely, and there was no serious problems I noticed. I drove to Las Vegas on Friday to pick up Andrea and Matt. We stopped and ate lunch at Larson's with her friend Carole (I had another blueberry malt). Andrea, Matt, and I were back in plenty of time to go to the University and meet with President Bennion about the Geoscience Repository. I met Andrea back at Grandma Shirts' to get ready for the viewing on Friday evening.
Pauline H. Nelson looked wonderful. She hasn't looked so nice in many, many years. Working in a funeral home is definitely part artistic. It was nice to see old friends and relatives. There were a lot of folks who came to pay their respects. Aunt Sara sent me the following:
I could write for hours about those who visited, and things which were said and feelings which came up. This is already an epistle, and there are four other Thoughtlets I was hoping to get written tonight (obviously I didn't even finish this one last week). I won't, since I leave for the AAPG in Salt Lake at 6:50 AM tomorrow morning. I will mention one man, whose name I did not catch, and who visited on Saturday morning.
He had dated Mom before going in the Navy. She wrote to him, and evidently got tired of waiting for him to come back home. He lives out to Newcastle. He made an interesting comment about how `there are so many allergies in today's society because we are just too clean, and we don't let our bodies become used to the allergens.' I don't know if he knew Sara and my history with allergies or not. The thing that struck me was how much he looked like and talked like Dad. It will be really interesting, once we are all on the other side of the veil, outside of the limits of time and space, where we can talk through and understand all of the `little' decisions we made in our life, come to an understanding of what was the `real' basis of those decisions, and possibly even go back and watch them over and over from different points of view. Pauline H. Nelson. An extremely gifted and talented human being, who was extremely unhappy, for reasons only she really knows. And sometimes I don't think she really knew. Hopefully she will be able to find peace now that she doesn't have to worry about gravity.
Saturday morning I was at David Grant's place at 7:00 to talk to him, in his role as a member of the Utah Board of Regents, about placing a Geoscience Repository at SUU. He is all for it, and assured me he will do anything reasonable to help pull this together.
The funeral service itself was very nice. I have three CD copies (I gave one to Melanie and Jared at Sara's graduation (0320.html)), and expect one will get put on-line at some point in the future. I will not try to make comments on the nice talks that were given. The one quote I wrote on my swallows counting sheet, and which fits Pauline H. Nelson, was:
The program read:
The Eulogy Read (minus a sentence saying "It was Pauline's wish
that in lieu of flowers donations be given to the SUU Library."):
`Pauline H. Nelson died April 8, 2003 in LaVerkin after a lengthy
illness. She was born on November 21, 1929 in St. George to
Helen Forsha Hafen and Paul A. Hafen. She married Howard R. Nelson
on October 9, 1947 and lived in Cedar City after that time.
Pauline described herself as a book reader and bibliophile. In
her younger years she was active as an accompanist and civic worker.
She served as President of the Cedar City Business and Professional
Women's Club, Secretary of the Iron County Republican Committee,
Cub Scout Den Mother, and Secretary-Treasurer of Cedar City Music
Arts Committee.
She graduated from Dixie High School in 1947 and College of Southern
Utah in 1967. She earned a Master of Business Education Degree in
1969 from Bowling Green University in Ohio and also studied business
education at BYU in 1974-1975. She also earned the Certified
Professional Secretary designation.
Pauline's professional work began as a bookkeeper - secretary for
Southwick and Whetten, CPAs and office manager for Dixie Leavitt
Insurance Agency. She worked as an Associate Professor of Business
at Southern Utah State College (now Southern Utah University) from
1969 to 1974. Then she became an administrator until 1985 when she
had a debilitating stroke. As assistant provost she was one of
the top women in higher education in the State of Utah. She helped
write several grants which generated thousands of dollars for the
University. Pauline could see a student's potential, even when
they themselves were unaware of their skills. She encouraged
students and faculty to develop their abilities and made many
life long friends through education.
Howard cared for Pauline after her stroke for 12 years before he
died from cancer in 1996. She is also preceded in death by her
parents and several aunts and uncles. Her survivors include her
two children H. Roice (Andrea) Nelson, Jr. of Houston, Texas and
Sara (Desmond) Penny of Cedar City; 12 grandchildren, H. Roice
Nelson III, Benjamin Bengt Nelson, Paul Fredrick Nelson, Melanie
Robbyn (Nelson) Wright, Sara Ellyn Nelson, Robert Llewellyn Nelson,
Bridget Helen (Penny) Lee, Brian Noel Penny, Heather Nielson, Audrey
Nielson, Rachel Nielson, and Matthew Nielson, three great-
grandchildren; brothers Anthony Hafen of St. George and Glenn Hafen
of Heber City; and many nieces and nephews.'
Then I read the words to a song written on 08 May 1983:
The graveside service seemed to go well. Uncle Des couldn't believe I didn't write out what I was going to say. I explained I find myself learning as I listen to the words I say during priesthood ordinances like this. My cousin Darrel, who had been in Cedar the week before, flew back for the funeral. I introduced him, his brothers Roice and Eric to some of you as `the three Kruegers.' Roice said, `Yea, that is like the three Nephites.' I affirmed this is true, after which Eric said, `The only thing in common is the word three.' My point is life goes on, and it is appropriate to enjoy it, even in a moment of sorrow, like the death of your mother.
After the services we took Grandma Shirts back to her house and then went out to the church in the valley by the farm house for a feast prepared by Dad's sisters. We were a little late, and a lot of folks left shortly after we got there. Lot's of anger. Anne Nelson, my cousin Lynn's wife had been very offended by how Mom had treated her. I guess I have not visited them as often as appropriate when I have been in Cedar. Hopefully I can do better and repair or build a bridge. We sat down by Anne and Uncle Ted, and Uncle Ted's first words were to the effect, `Nice of you to sit with such lowly folks as us.' He had no idea about Mom's impact at the college before he heard the funeral talks and his comments were quite interesting at the time, although I don't remember them now. We all ended up at Aunt Sara's and Uncle Des' to play games in the evening. We also finished Mom's last request and all sang `The Beer Barrel Polka.' It was a nice evening.
When we got back to Houston, there was a beautiful plant from Andrea's walking ladies, and Symphony Cards from:
Of course, other than Aunt Connie and David Kessler, none of the other folks had even met Pauline H. Nelson. And hopefully we will all have an opportunity to meet and reflect on choices we made during our mortality, particularly the positive choices.
Aunt Luana sent the following note (referencing 0320.html):
There was also a very nice e-mail from a friend (and neighbor) in my High School class when I was growing up:
It is hard for me to put a wrapper on, i.e. write words of closure about, the person who has had the biggest impact on my life of any other person on the face of planet Earth. Maybe it is that way with each of us. Our mothers are who set our paths and who are our well spring of intellectual and emotional nourishment. Maybe this is why those who are mean to their mothers seem to lack something important. I certainly was mean to my Mom at times, and now I regret those times, those words, and those letters. We all will have the opportunity to stand and be judged for how well we kept the fifth commandment, the only commandment with a promise: `Honor thy father and mother that thy days may be long in the land.' I loved my Mom, and I did strive to honor and support, to visit and help, and to be a good son to Pauline H. Nelson."