cc: file, Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, Claude and Katherine Warner, Lloyd and Luana Warner, Diane Cluff, Maxine Shirts, and Sherri Trittipo.
"This is intended to be a more positive continuation of last weeks comments. On about Wednesday, when I finally got to converting last week's Thoughtlet to an html file (0140.html), I realized I had used the wrong topic for the Thoughtlet. Maybe it is because it is the height of allergy season (../9738.html), and I never think as clearly during the month ragweed is out in Houston. Maybe it is because I miss you kids, and feel cut off. Maybe it is because I needed to vent some feelings. Maybe it is because one of you needs to read the words sometime in the future (it was pretty obvious from the lack of response that none of you read them last week). Maybe it is because I am worried about how my work is going and about meeting all of our obligations. And maybe it is because I let myself slip back into my poor me self-pity mode, which always gets me in trouble and never is of benefit to anyone (Hopefully none of you have this issue!).
I'm not sure where the word `jugded' came from, for what Mom actually said to me was `I hope I am not held resposible for all of the things you have done.' I guess the words can be substituted and the meaning can stay about the same. However, there is a big difference in tone between judged and responsible. I anticipate last week's words were simply a reflection of how many pressures I was feeling at the time (starting with nasal pressure, sneezing, and a very runny nose).
I recall thinking that the Old Testament says:
And D&C 124:50, where it says:
And I realize me, my parents, their parents, and their parents before them are/were no where near perfect. So maybe all of the trials in yours and my life can be sluffed off on those who preceeded us? Then I realized, this is what Mom was saying: She hopes she is not held responsible for all of the things I have done. Frankly, I hope she is not also. I have always been one to step up to the plate and to take responsibility for my own actions and my own choices.
So then I get thinking about you kids, and I wonder, do I want to be held responsible for your choices? Roice was the UT valedictorian of the College of Mechanical Enginering! Ben is a wonderful father and is doing great in his career! Paul is active in serving in very responsible positions in the church! Heather is a diligent student and a talented artist! Melanie married a wonderful man in the temple and has a testimony of the restoration! Audrey is a beautiful, social, talented, hard working woman! Sara is an elegant, smart, articulate, gorgeous woman! Rob is funny, talented, kind, and caring. Rachel has a celestial voice, is wonderful about seminary and church standards, and is a joy to be with! Matt is creative, talented, self-entertaining, and fun! Of course, I am weak, and it is probably natural to want to take responsibility for all of these wonderful characteristics.
With the positive comes the other side of the coin. So do I want to be held responsible for your bad choices? Of course, not, at least at a rational level. However, as a father, step-father, cousin, uncle, nephew, step-son, or son, I find myself stepping into a different role. I love each of you, and if it would be of any use to any of you for me to take responsibilty for your choices, I would gladly take on that responsibility. The more I think about it, the more I agree with Steve Joseph that fairness is not a principle. This means sometimes when the rain comes there will be floods and people will drown. If the person who suffers can be me rather than one of you, I welcome the opportunity for service and for proving unequivocally my love.
Then I think about what will be the best for each of you. Is it in your benefit for me to shelter you from the wind and the rain, the trials and the struggles, or do you grow more by facing the dragons of your life yourselves. The answer is obvious to me. And so I come down firmly with the same thing my mother said, `I hope I am not held responsible for anything any of you do.' Of course, I am am also saying, I am willing to do anything within my power to help any of you, because I love you. And at the end of time, we each get to stand before God and to be judged for the choices we made as an individual, in an environment where all of the books will be opened, and we will see exactly where we made what choices, the consequences of those choices, and will be willing to make an honest self-judgement based on the data. I hope each of you reach the point in your life where you are doing this type of self-judgement daily, and where it is helping your tomorrow to be better than your today. I'm still struggling to do this. I'm much better than before I married Andrea. And I still have a long ways to go. I hope each of you find a way to accomplish this and help teach me how to implement this type of manifestation of true love in my life.
As far as how my week went, except for allergies, it was good. I met with Dave Ridyard of Continuum Resources first thing on Monday to find out what was happening with the now $15,000 they owe us. It doesn't look very good to me. Then I had a four hour follow-up meeting with Woodside Petroleum. We agreed on the basic outline of how Dynamic will work with Woodside, and hopefully will have this reduced to a contract by the 15th of the month. I stopped at EarthView and reviewed the meeting with Sam LeRoy and we called Richard Nehring. On Tuesday I met with Ron Meers of BHP, making up for missing a meeting a couple of weeks before. This will be a long-term opportunity. I did not write down an appointment in my book, and in going to the BHP appointment, I missed a meeting with MXC (Mitsubishi Exploration Company), and ended up rescheduling it for next week. Oh well! I always have been somewhat of an absent-minded professor. Andrea and I went to Rachel's choir concert on Tuesday evening. I was appalled with the rudeness of several girls in the audience. Oh well! By Wednesday morning I was feeling absolutely terrible, and I stopped running outside in the mornings, taking medicine for allergies, and sleeping in. I spent all Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday catching up on things at the house: building a database of contacts, doing filing, etc. Hopefully one of the projects we have bids out on comes in so taking this time away from consulting doesn't cause us problems in November.
Friday evening Andrea talked me into going to the movie Serendipity after Matt's soccer practice. We both enjoyed it, although it is definitely a new age, fatalistic, girl movie. Late Friday night Ben, Sarah, and Ethan arrived. They went to Matt's soccer game with us at 9:00 Saturday morning. It was wet and cold. Ethan was so much fun. He ran the length of several soccer fields, and it was hard to keep up with him and to keep him from running into ponds of water. Matt's team played hard, and they lost by more than I've ever seen them loose by before. I was really stuffed up and had bright red eyes after the game from allergies. After a shower, we played with Ethan until Sarah and Ben left. Andrea and I went to the Saturday afternoon session of Conference. Matt went to the Priesthood Session with me in the evening. I ended up reading about 100 pages out of Andrea's Dad's book about the Iron Mission. It is really, really, really, really, really good! It is hard for me to read about the effort our ancestors made so we have the freedom to make choices they would be embarassed with. And I guess they are not responsible for my choices, any more than I am responsible for your choices. We all get to live with the consequences of our choices.
Conference was good today. We learned from the Prophet, during his talk in the morning session, that someone had passed him a note saying the U.S. has started missle bombings. It was good to hear his words as he continued with:
For those who have forgot the song Quentin Reed and I wrote about our conversions, I encourage you to reread the words to the song `Be Still, My Son, Be Still' (../0044.html). In the last talk of the afternoon session of Conference President Hinkley encouraged us to `pray for the great democracies of earth.' There was probably a time in my life when my ego was so expanded I would have felt responsible for what is happening in the Middle East. Not any more. And even when I pray tonight for a quick conclusion to the hostilities, I will not feel responsible for the choices of those who have brought us into these conflicts.
This evening, after the first Stake Choir Practice for the joint presentation with the Epiphany Catholic Church which is going to be on December 9th this year, Matt and Megan Reynolds stopped by to see us and to introduce us to their six month old daughter Emily. They asked for Roice's phone number in Austin, and in case any of you want to get hold of them, their new address is:
We had fun catching up and seeing how well they are doing. They are in very humble conditions, even compared to any of you kids. And they are going to do just fine. Good spirit, and you can tell where there heart is as you talk to them. Matt talked about how Roice brought him to the church, and how much he appreciates all this has brought to his life. He talked about how Roice seemed like just a regular guy, and he didn't realize he had won all of the acadamic awards at UT. He talked about what a blessing Emily has become to his Mom and his Dad, and how both of them are now talking about spiritual things. It was a wonderful discussion, and no, I am not responsible for what has happened to Matt. However, I will take responsibility for those things I am responsible for, and hope each of you will always choose to do the same."