Change

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Dear Paul, Ben and Sarah, Melanie, Roice, Bridget, and Rob,

cc: file, Grandma Hafen via Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, Claude and Katherine Warner, and Lloyd and Luana Warner.

Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea, belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail box at any time.

"For several years now the Walden 3-D Vision Statement has been to:

`. . . Continuing to Make a Difference . . .'

If there is a theme of my life it has been change. I still remember when I first heard of the book `Future Shock' by Alvin Toffler (it was first published in July of 1970 and my copy is the 20th printing, which is dated sometime after 1972). The words he wrote resonated with me. Certainly my professional career has been centered on fundamental change, and this has certainly migrated over to my personal life the last couple of years.

I already mentioned to you kids what Ray Gardner told, as to whether it will be me or you kids who make the more significant difference (.../9849.html). Maybe that is why I have attempted to capture change as a process, a process of continuing, where it means continuing to make a difference. This week I didn't feel like I was contributing much to this process. However, I recognize there needs to be lulls between the squalls.

Monday I had meetings with Schlumberger at the VETL. They went very well, and there were some good contacts made. Monday evening Rob gave a wonderful Family Home Evening on repentance. He used clorox to clear food coloring out of water. It was very effective. It was Rob's birthday and he was disappointed the Smiths didn't make it to Family Home Evening. I gave Rob a Fly Tieing kit, and hope to be able to help him use it at Philmont this summer, and maybe we can make it to some of my favorite fishing holes in Southern Utah sometime this summer. After I took Rob home I talked to Andrea for a couple of hours on the phone. In some ways, I feel like a kid again. Tuesday was my birthday, and Rhonda had a big sign over my door when I came in. I took it right down. Then a little while later Andrea called and wished me a happy birthday. Terry Smith, Blaine Taylor, and I had a nice lunch with our friends at NeoSoft. We were talking to them about automating the Knowledge Management Blaine and I (and the HyperMedia Team) have been working on for several years. Later in the afternoon Rhonda got everyone at the office in the kitchen and had a black and white checkerboard frosting, half white and half chocolate cake,with those trick candles that won't blow out on it. I handled it all ok, even though I am embarrassed if anyone makes any kind of fuss over me. I served cake to everyone, and that blew away several of my co-workers, namely that I would do the serving on my own suprise birthday. Tuesday evening was monthly Personal Priesthood Interviews for Home Teaching.

Wednesday was a day of finishing up some writing and catching up. Gary Crouse has gone to work for MuSE and we are his main account. He is really good, and has helped us a lot. There were a couple of near meltdowns with MuSE during the week. It is hard to have a partnership work. Any kind of change is hard. Wednesday evening Brandon Peterson called to say one of his roommates is moving out in January and asked whether Paul has a place to stay yet or not. I told him Paul wants to take that room, and I would pay for it the two or three months before Paul makes it up there. I'm sure Paul will be estatic with the news. Thursday and Friday were more of the same. I did talk to Andrea again for another couple of hours on Thursday evening. I'm not looking forward to seing my phone bill.

On Friday I had lunch with my long-time friend Townsend Dunn. Townsend works for Conoco now, and we were in the same group when we first went to work at Mobil. He has a daughter at UT (and I will pass Melanie's name and contact numbers onto him for her. Ben do you remember taking a video of her bottom? Townsend's older daughter is moving to California at Thanksgiving. She wants to be a movie star. Roice, there is a neat picture of you and Delanie on a blanket together right after you were born. I will pass on your contact numbers for Towt to give Delanie. We had dinner with the Dunns a few years ago and as I recall Roice and Ben were both quite impressed with Dad's friends.

Friday night I went to pick up Rob, and he wasn't there. He had gone to a play with your Mom and had not let me know of the change in plans. We had said we were going to go to the movie Antz. I was pretty dispondent as I drove home, and as I got to the house I couldn't believe the lights were on upstairs. As I parked this car pulled up behind me and this beautiful woman got out. It was Melanie's friend Keri, and she told me Melanie was there. It was sure nice to have a suprise visit, even if it kind of appeared like the only reason to come and visit was to do laundary. I spent most of Friday night and Saturday morning reading and filing Project Mind e-mails. There were a couple which gave me the theme for this week's Thoughtlet. The first one was:

`The discussion about tranformation and the need to change oneself, reminded me of something I had downloaded a month or so ago.... Thoughts worth pondering as we enter the period of contemplation & cheshbon hanefesh (soul searching and accounting) surrounding the Jewish New Year and Yom Kippur... L'shanah tovah (Happy New Year), Ilana Rosansky Start With Yourself The following words were written on the tomb of an Anglican bishop in the crypts of Westminister Abbey: When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it too seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lay on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world. By Anonymous from Condensed Chicken Soup for the Soul Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Patty Hansen'

Then I read this:

`BIG ROCKS or KEEPING PRIORITIES A while back I was reading about an expert on subject of time management. One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I'm sure those students will never forget. After I share it with you, you'll remember it too. As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?" Everyone in the class said, "Yes." Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. Then he smiled and asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was onto him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he the question, "Is this jar full?" "No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good!" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?" One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!" "No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you"ll never get them in at all." The title of this letter is The "Big Rocks" of Life. What are the big rocks in your life? A project that YOU want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. Ask yourself this question: What are the "big rocks" in my life or business? Then, put those in your jar.'

I am so afraid of failure, I try to do everything, and sometimes end up not doing anything, if you know what I mean. I hope these Thoughtlet's are a big rock, and over time will make up a little for me not being around enough as you kids were growing up. Saturday at lunch Sara and Rob came over, and Melanie joined us and we all had a nice lunch at `Black-Eyed Pea.' It was nice to have family together, to talk, joke, hug, and just be together. Rob and I went and got some Christmas presents for Paul for him to use or give away and not have to carry home. I bought a Christmas Present for each of you when I was in Norway, and I will keep Paul's here until he returns. I am writing a separate note to Paul, and to keep the rest of you informed, I have decided I can not afford to go to Russia and pick Paul up. It will cost about $4,500 and there are just too many other things to spend money on to go that much more in debt. Especially after the Prophet's warning about debt at General Priesthood meeting (.../9842.html). Then Rob and Joe and I went to see the movie `Antz.' I really enjoyed it. I have always liked animation, and the expressions of this computer animation were truly marvelous. While Rob and Joe were playing chess I gave Andrea a call, and she wasn't in. However, she called back a little while later and we talked for about forty-five minutes.

This morning, as we were riding to church, Rob and I had one of those heart-to-heart thirty-second conversations on change. He said something like `I don't understand why you would want to take Mom back.' I responded with `Because I love her.' He said, 'Yeh, but I think it is just because the church says you should stay together as a family.' My answer was, `Yes, that is a factor. And if I am not willing to forgive, how can I expect to be forgiven for all of the mistakes I have made in my life.' There was no follow on comments from Rob.

I just came back from High Priest Group Leadership Meeting, and the new Quorum Secretary talked to me afterwards about how he had his first real visit with Marti, and came away with the distinct impression the two of us `would be together, after the kids are gone.' I described how I have given your Mom some nice openings the last few weeks, and how she has made sure I know she has no intention of ever changing her mind. I also mentioned I have met a lady I really like, and have seen the possibility of another path. His response was `Well a man's got to do what a man's got to do.' My response was `I wish there were clear answers as to what the future holds so we could make sure we won't hurt anyone, including ourselves.' I wish I knew the answers and had a crystal ball. I wish you guys knew the answers and could give me some guidance. Oh well! We will just go slow on making any decisions, and see what change tomorrow holds. Who knows? Maybe everything will actually become crystal clear. Maybe I will actually be able to remember the future (Alma 13:1).

Bridget, I expect as you read these notes you find it kind of wierd for an `old guy' to be pouring out his deepest feelings. I admit it, it is wierd. I just hope you kids can learn something from my experiences so you can build on them, make good change in your own lives, not repeating the mistakes, and using the positive things I have learned to build a life of peace, happiness, and true joy for yourselves and yours.

Stephen R. Covey summarizes this concept nicely in his book `The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,' which I recommend you each read. He says:

`A tendency that's run through your family for generations can stop with you. You're a transistion person - a link between the past and the future. And your own change can affect many, many lives downstream. ... Change - real change - comes from the inside out. It doesn't come from hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior with quick fix personality ethic techniques. It comes from striking at the root - the fabric of our thought, the fundamental, essential paradigms, which give definition to our character and create the lens through which we see the world.' (pages 316-317)

It is my hope and prayer you will each seek, slowly and carefully, to find the real, fundamental, basic changes which can enhance your life."

I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of daily life. To download any of these thoughtlets go to http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets or e-mail me at rnelson@walden3d.com.

With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)

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Copyright © 1998 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.