Welcome to "the engines of my love," a regular review
of why I love you, Martha Ellyn Sharp Nelson, and no
other woman.
I love you because you have motivated me to use the left side of my
brain to write these Lovelets. I spent all day Saturday attempting to
get these caught up so I could give you a nice bound book for your
birthday next Wednesday. It is hard for me to write. It has always
been hard for me to write. It is especially hard for me to write
when there is little positive feedback. However, I know in my heart
it is the right thing to do. It is the right thing for me, to put
my thoughts and feelings in language so others can catch a glimpse
of what I feel inside. It is the right thing for you, because you
`have no friends' and need to be loved. It is the right thing for
our kids, because someday they will read these and they will know,
even if you don't, how much I truly love you. Hard things are never
something natural to take on. Worthwhile things seldom are easy.
However, my experience is that I find great satisfaction eventually,
if I just keep doing what my heart tells me is the right thing to do.
Sort of like when you came over to the house to take Melanie and
Marie to the airport, and you were willing to sit and talk to me for
a few minutes, I felt it was right to give you a hug and so I did.
Thanks for letting me briefly bond and show you I love you.
I took a break Saturday evening to go to the Adult Session of
Stake Conference. It was absolutely wonderful. It was nice to sing
two good songs with the ward choir. Carolee did a good job of conducting.
As I watched her lead the practice, I thought of the wonderful groundwork
you laid with your years of work as the Ward Choir Director. When Elder
Gardner got up after the closing youth number and said: `You can quote
me, You sing better in Katy, Texas than we do in Arizona' I was again
reminded of the thoughts the night before. Saturday evening President
Salazar, President Pickerd, a new 31 year old lawyer convert, the Mission
President's wife, the Mission President, Heather Keller, and Elder Harvey
Gardner spoke. He started of with the statement `We should be the happiest
people on earth' and he proceeded to give a talk which had everyone in
the audience laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes. I took notes,
but my notes do not catch the humor. He talked about how we should pray
every day, even though Brigham Young said sometimes it is easier to curse.
He talked about how his family had Family Home Evening every week, even
though many times the opening and closing prayer bounded the refreshments
accompanying Monday night football. He said the reason he is such a good
guy today is because he was a football coach and he promised God if he
would let him get that one first down he would repent of all of his sins.
There was a wonderful feeling in the room as we left, and I wish you
would have been there with me because I love you.
As I left Bishop Daniels cornered me in the hall to confirm the
divorce is final, to find out where I had been for three weeks, to
say he has been trying to contact Sara and Melanie and they (specifically
Melanie) have been missing appointments and not returning calls. He asked
if there was anyway he could keep up with how I am doing, and I gave him
the web addresses for my Thoughtlets and these Lovelets. They are written
for you, but I am not ashamed for the entire world to know I am sorry for
my mistakes, I am striving to become a better person, and I truly love you.
After the conference session, I returned to the house, changed clothes,
let Sara drive herself to Ryan's place, and went to the grocery store. I
know my way around Gerland's pretty good now, and everytime I go I think
about all of the years you did all of the shopping. Bishop Daniels came
running into the store in his suit, looking all over for something. I
said to him, it looks like you don't know your way around here? He smiled.
I'm glad you have helped me to not take this part of my life so much for
granted. Thank you. I love you.
I'm interested in sharing why I love you. I know how important
the written word is to you, and if you ever feel neglected,
ignored, or unloved, and would like an up-to-date bound copy of
these lovelets or any subset of these lovelets for any purpose
you might have come to mind, please tell me or e-mail your request
to rnelson@walden3d.com with the request 'lovelet update.'
With all my love,
Roice