Welcome to "the engines of my love," a regular review
of why I love you, Martha Ellyn Sharp Nelson, and no
other woman.
I love you and wish you would have been with me to hear
Dr. White's lecture at PAIRS Monday night. She talked about androgyny,
which is the combination of Andros - male, and Gynos - female.
It was really interesting, and so I am going to attempt to
summarize some of the key points.
Her basic preposition is that we all have both male and
female components and often times when we get in relationship
trouble it is because we ignore part of ourselves. We are 70%
ego based on our sex, and 30% anima based on the opposite sex.
The male, or yang, is the active and intellect part of us, and
the female, or yin, is the passive and intuitive part of us.
Both parts are necessary in order for us to be a whole person.
The yang is the seeker, male energy, and the yin is the sought,
female energy. Together they form the tao. Often, as in my case,
the disowned shadow part is projected on our partner. When we are
born we are gender typed and we disown the subordinate part of
ourselves. Birth almost kills men, then men are dependent on a
women as a child, and finally women take away men's power or
erection. Often males project on females what they need, and
do not care who the female is. When a male continuously wants
sex it is not about the partner. In these circumstances the
partner does not want to be objectified. Until a man can see
his mother as a woman he will see all women as his mother.
When we can see the wounded child in our mother we can love them.
We know there is nothing to forgive when we see them as a wounded
child. However, when a parent gets their love needs met through
a child it creates big problems for the child. She pointed out how
90% of our strong reactions are from a time when we felt unsafe,
and very little has to do with present day reality.
Love is a feeling, and as such it is a feeling we generate
inside ourselves. Marriage is a contract, and as such will not
work unless both partners are willing to fulfill their part of
the contract. Relationships are work, requiring two people to
make the effort to make them viable. If in fear, get to the anger.
If in anger, get to the pain. If in pain, express the feeling full
measure, and find the joy and peace on the other side of this expression.
As I re-read these words, they do not have near the impact they
had on me when I listened. I wish you were participating with
me in PAIRS. When you decide it is time to work on you, I strongly
encourage you to consider PAIRS. I would love to go with you, and
yet expect you do not want me too. However, I will pay for your
participation in PAIRS, if you would like. I will not attempt
to force this because I love you.
I'm interested in sharing why I love you. I know how important
the written word is to you, and if you ever feel neglected,
ignored, or unloved, and would like an up-to-date bound copy of
these lovelets or any subset of these lovelets for any purpose
you might have come to mind, please tell me or e-mail your request
to rnelson@walden3d.com with the request 'lovelet update.'
With all my love,
Roice