Monastery

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Dear Roice, Ben, Paul, Melanie, Sara, and Rob,

cc: file, Sara and Des, Diane Cluff, Tony Hafen, Darrell and Nancy Krueger, Eric and Annette Krueger, Eric and Renee Miner, Claude and Katherine Warner, Forest and Amy Warner, and Ivan and Chell Warner.

Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea, belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail box at any time.

"Allergies have kept me down all week. I drove to Austin Wednesday morning early and could not believe how tired I was all day. At 5:00 I called Melanie because we were going to go out to dinner, left a message, left the Bureau at 5:15 PM, a couple of hours earlier than I usually do, checked into the LaQuinta Inn and fell asleep. I woke up when Melanie called me at 7:30 to say she had been studying and wanted to do lunch on Thursday instead of dinner. I went back to sleep, and when the alarm went off at 5:30 for my morning run, went back to sleep. Sunday I slept in, and slept after church. I slept so long, I didn't get my Thoughtlet written yesterday. Today I had an important lunch meeting and when the meeting scheduled to follow lunch got postponed, I borrowed a friend's couch and took an hour nap.

When you kids were growing up and this time of year came there were two things which invariably happened: (1) there was a big soccer tournament, which I went to and enjoyed and was thoroughly miserable at; and (2) I tried to schedule a 2-3 week trip out of town and out of the country to get away from the ragweed. There was no soccer I participated in this weekend, I mostly slept (I didn't even turn the computer on to check mail from when I got home from Austin Saturday afternoon until this morning). I was going to Venezuela this weekend, and the Bureau decided to postpone my visit until the final presentation later in October. I am going to go to Utah from Thursday until Monday. Hopefully the trip will give some relief from the ragweed.

In the meantime, I have been talking to Bob's parents about what can be done to help him out when he gets out of Harris County Jail in 36 days. Since I have never believed there can not be a solution found to a serious problem, I have been doing my normal thinking outside of the box. I remember in my first year in college reading a book called `Summerhill, a radical approach to childrearing.' I remember reading about the great Monastic and Convent Orders of the Catholic and Orthodox Churches. I remember the scientific breakthroughs in heredity which were accomplished in these places of learning. I wondered how important these orders were for providing a home for those who did not fit into society to experience life in a productive manner. I thought about Bob's Patriarchial Blessing of helping the downtrodden and realized the only way he can do this is if he is helped. I thought of a letter I had ghostwritten for his Dad last year:

`30 November 1996 Dear Elder Bateman, I am writing to you because my son needs help our family can not provide. You are aware of some of the struggles our son Bob has had since returning from his successful mission in Scotland. I am pleased to tell you he is no longer on the streets, he has been sober for 9 months, and he is living at home. However, he has never adjusted to `civilian life' after his mission. One of my friends has estimated that in excess of 1% of the of the missionaries (over 500 at any given time) have a similar struggle. Hopefully their issues do not last as long as Bob's have and as long as it appears his issues will last. Thinking through the importance of the role of a Singles Branch in helping youth like Bob, the welfare program and specifically how welfare square has been used for years as a way to help and provide self-esteem to the physically handicapped, and also historical experiments both in and out of the church which have provided a place of structure and stability to folks, some with mental handicaps like Bob, we have a suggestion. Most of the worlds great religions have developed monastic orders over the years. These environments have met a great need and provide a structured way to generate useful contributions by most of the participants. Imagine two new dorms on the BYU campus, one dedicated to males in the circumstance Bob finds himself in, and one dedicated to females. Although these dorms could become permanent homes, the goal would be to prepare participants for a successful transition to normal life in the real world, possibly being a means of introducing couples like often occurs in a singles branch. The temporal goal would be for the dorms to be sustainable environments, taking on research contracts for various groups associated with BYU, teaching at the missionary training center, and doing other self funding operations. For the sake of this scenario lets call the male dorm Bunkerville and the female dorm Orderville. Imagine couples with professional experience as councilors who are called to serve as mentors and dorm parents. It would take seed capital or donations to start such an `order.' However, the human impact results would quickly justify the investment. In fact, the project might actually be justified as a self-funding operations from the beginning if the right individuals were identified and given an opportunity. Providing an environment that gives folks like Bob another chance, a structured opportunity to create a new life, seem like the basis of what the restoration of true gospel love is all about. We would be glad to provide funding for Bob's housing and living expenses until such an operation could become self-funding. Please understand we are not trying to pass Bob of as a burdon to someone else. Rather we are searching for a way in which we can help him achieve his fullest potential. Thanks for your consideration of this proposal, and I look forward to your comments and reaction. A loving and very concerned father,'

As far as I know the letter was not sent. I discussed the idea with my new friend Rick, and he said he has a friend who could easliy raise the money to start such an establishment. He also said `You need to have a definite plan put together before you approach her though, so she has something to focus on.' Bob's Mom is actively exploring a variety of options, and I am acting as an advisor as she prepares a business plan for a modern-day, LDS value-based Monastery.

Sometimes, like this weekend, when Sara didn't visit nor come to church, when Melanie came to homecoming and didn't visit and didn't come to church (she did call when she got back to Austin), when I only spent 5 minutes with Rob as he was leaving church (since he didn't come and sit with me), when I missed a dinner with Ben and Sarah because I had to work Friday night at the Bureau, when I get an e-mail from Roice and respond in a concerned way and yet fear I have offended him, and when Paul sends a letter that makes me want to run to Siberia and hug him with pride, yet realizing I can't, I, myself, want to live in a Monastery. In some ways, maybe this is what the house has become for Brother Law and me. I know I certianly miss all of you, even the messes and the fighting, and I definitely miss your Mom. Oh well! I guess life goes on and we learn experience from all these things (D&C 121). A few minutes ago Rob called all upset and wanted to move back here. Who knows how it is all going to turn out. A quote from Paul's latest letter provides context:

`I was talking to this man named Anatoli. ... We have only taught him and his family a first [discussion] but [have] been there 4 or 5 times. We can't keep teaching because Anatoli is drunk everytime we go over. Well last night we went over to teach a 2nd Discussion, but that didn't happen because he was drunk again. Well he comes in and sits on the floor in front of me and just stares at me. I stare back. He starts to tell me `Nelson, I am 55 yrs. old. I just don't understand. . . How can you a 19 yr. old boy know so much about life. I am an evil person. Nelson, explain to me. Why can't I be good. How come I don't know anything aobut life. Explain to me Nelson.' All I could do was stare at him as this 55 yr. old man told me that I was smarter than him. I just could tell him that God loved him. I thought a lot about how if everyone just lived by he principles of the gospel, then Anotoli wouldn't be a slave to Alcoholism. I couldn't help to cry as I stared at the pathetic state of this grown man. Then his wife Arera told me that she doesn't want to continue. She only wants to help their children grow-up. She's not happy. I told her there's hope. THey are a great family and the gospel will help them tremendously. It's such a blessing to see the gospel work in people's life. Its so much easier to understand why we have commandments and scriptures, the gospel, when you see what happens when people live exactly the opposite. Well, there's always hope through our Savior.'

I remember when I was a child, way out of town (5-7 miles) on the farm, I felt very, very, very isolated. Most of my school friends lived close to each other and could walk or ride their bikes to each other's houses. I was too fat and too lazy to ride my bike all of the way into town. I did ride it home one time, but never again. My bike was not like the nice 10-speed bikes we have now. However, I did learn to enjoy my own company. I learned to use my mind, to find things to do, and to explore whatever I could find. In some ways it was like growing up in a Monastery, and in many ways it has prepared me for what I find myself facing now. I certianly hope none of you will ever find yourself in this circumstance, and yet since I expect there to be more and more dissolution of even good and well intentioned families, I hope I am setting somewhat of an example as to how to endure the trials of these emotional pioneering times. In the meantime we are connected electronically. Ben and I have started playing chess again. Anyone who wants to monitor the game can go to http://www.walden3d.com/dialog/chess and Roice and Melanie, Rob and Sara, I'd be glad to take any or all of you on in another game. It could also be checkers or scrabble or something else you are interested in. Have a great week. Recognize and enjoy as many of your blessings as possible. I know I am blessed and I thank our Heavenly Father for my many, many blessings, especially each of you."

I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of daily life. If you ever want to download any of these thoughtlets, they are posted at http://www.walden3d.com/hrnmen or you can e-mail me at rnelson@walden3d.com.

With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)

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Copyright © 1997 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.