Responselet 9712b
Date: Tue, 25 Mar 1997 09:43:02 -0700
Roice-
Hi, how are you doing? I just read your last thoughtlet, and I have to respond to one of your comments in it. I want you to know that I didn't just take Rob's jokes in good humor because you bought dinner. Despite what you might think, I got a kick out of listening Rob tell his jokes. Even if I had bought dinner for everyone, I still would have enjoyed spending time with you and Rob. It wasn't the "who payed for dinner", but the opportunity to even have dinner. If the money is the issue, our offer still stands and always will stand to take you out or to make you dinner. I think what is most important is the time spent together, getting to know each other, talking and listening more than anything else. The money shouldn't be a big factor. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I just wanted to let you know how I felt.
I know that Ben and I offered to make you dinner this Friday, but yesterday my mother invited us to go see my sister at her house in north Dallas this weekend. She is expecting her baby any day now. In fact, she went to the hospital tonight because she was having some discharge, and wanted to get things checked out. We would leave Friday afternoon and not get back until Sunday, so we would miss our dinner together. Do you think it would be possible to reschedule for the following week? I would really like you to come. Please don't let the money issue come into this. I understand where you are coming from. You might think that we are thinking, "Hey, a free meal!", but that's not it at all. As I said before I think it is most definetly the time together. Sorry about repeating myself, but I feel very strongly about this.
Anyway, I wanted to get that out in the open and tell you about this weekend. I hope we are able to get together next weekend. Have a good week, and tell Roice I said "Hi" and I'll try to write him soon if you see him.
Love,
Sarah
25 March 1997
Sarah (and Ben),
I am sorry my sarcasm offended you. Bad habits die hard. I am not exactly sure why even the thought of money grubbing is such an issue with me, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with my family of origin and my strong reaction to how too many (which means any at all) of the resources I have provided to my family have and are being stomped on and misused. The emotions associated with an unwelcome and unwanted divorce are certainly a major part of this emotional overreaction and slips of the pen like that you rightfully point out.
Hopefully you also saw the positive things in the Thoughtlet. I really do appreciate your willingness to express your feelings instead of keep them inside and respond with passive aggression (which is too common in my family and which creates more resentment than I seem to have the emotional tools to handle). You are a breath of fresh air, and I am very proud of Ben in his choice, his commitment to you, and his excitement about your marriage.
It is no problem about this weekend. In fact, I worry about not being home on Friday evenings, because Marti seems to disappear these days on Friday, and a few weeks ago I spent Friday evening in the emergency room with Rob.
With Love,
Roice