Judging

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Responselet 96.41a

Date: Tue, 08 Oct 1996 15:18:22 -0700

In reading your musings, I'm drawn to consider my own issues along the same vein. I hope that these thoughts will add, rather than detract, and as always, should be jettisoned without further thought if not of some use.

I've been accused many times of being "judgemental" or "unfair", when I felt I was accurately (if also too factually, even critically) giving a name to someone's behavior. I was troubled by the "judge not lest ye be judged....." tone others applied to my expressions. The source of my discontent in this regard is the apparent disparity between the above comment and teachings we all heard from childhood like: "choose your friends carefully", or "you shouldn't spend time with THEM, they're trouble", and so on. Clearly, in the above context,these are judgemental statements and applying the advise requires me to make judgements. This dicotomy between being "judgemental" and using "judgement" (preferrably good judegement) is apparently less understood than I ever imagined.

I now believe that what people were saying was that I was too critical, and mis-applied a scripture in an attempt to illustrate the importance of avoiding criticism (manipulation by guilt). The paraphrased results of my research (I'm on my lunch hour and without my notes):

  1. We are commanded to excercise sound judgement following correct principles ("...it is given them for they are agents unto themselves..") We MUST each decide things for ourselves, and MUST make choices in order to survive, live, and function in this life. These things require evaluations, descisions, and actions...... all of which point to "using good judgement" and acting on it.
  2. People may mis-label criticism as "being judgemental". Perhaps it is the exercise of judgement NOT following correct principles that is the root of criticism).
  3. "Judgement" as used in the above paraphrase is not the same as the currently popular subject colloquial phrase. In this context, it is my understanding that "judgement" refers to a specific condemnation, or "sentence passing". If followed by action to support such would surely lead to some wrongdoing.
  4. When words of criticism also touch too close to home, listeners recognising the same (or similar) behavior in themselves will often rise in defense of the "target", when in fact, they really are defending themselves.
  5. When criticism is not perceived as "too much like me", behavior such that described in #4 above rarely occurs. Rather, more often a "Yeah, that bum always...!" response occurs.
  6. Bishops are our common judges in Israel. They have specific responsability to assign culpability and recompense when members in their stewardship bring a claim before them. The rest of us have no such burden.
  7. In truth people shouldn't criticize any more than they should judge (biblical sense). They should always, however, exercise sound judgement.

The resulting acknolwedgements that apply to Chuck?

  1. I have far too often been critical of others.
  2. There is never cause to be so.
  3. As I come to love myself more, I will likely criticise others less.
  4. If I focus on assisting others to have any joy they can find in this life, I will be more likely to share in that joy, whatever it may be.
  5. Any criticism is an error deserving of immediate repentance...but it is wrong, Wrong, WRONG! when used to control or manipulate others. RUN from it, FLEE for all you're worth! ALWAYS RESPECT ANOTHER'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE....even when I can't respect the choice itself. They, like me, are the only ones that can benefit or suffer the results of their choices. I may suffer with them (out of empathy, and because I love them) but never FOR them. Respect for that fundamental right is paramount to my growth. Anything less is inconsistent with the whole plan of salvaltion.
  6. It is NOT wrong to able to see the possible results of someone's choice before they make it, but it IS very wrong to try to drive them to my idea of the "right" choice, and it IS wrong to criticize them for their "wrong" choice (even if they really are making a wrong choice!).
  7. Other's behavior does not define me, (no matter what the neighbors may say) I define me by my behavior, my choices, righteous or unrighteous. The obvious corollary to this is that my children's success or failure does not define me either (ESPECIALLY if anyone else thinks so!)

guess the heart of the matter for me is to remember to include myself when I sing "As I Have Loved You, Love One Another". With that, if I also exercise the correct principle to "keep all criticisms to myself and remain thankful for every challenge, irritation, and failure the day long....as these are the seeds of immortality".....

May God encourage you in this writing you do. It has struck a chord in me, so it must have also touched others, if they have the heart to listen. I pray you will always see my comments as expressions of my thoughts, opinions and beliefs, and based in a sincere desire to understand and be understood, not as retorts or attempts at correction.

:-]

Chuck Cluff


08 October 1996 18:34:45 -0500

Chuck,

Thanks for the comments. Right on. May I post them as part of a dialog for others in the family to respond to and to refer to?

Best Regards,

Roice


Thu, 10 Oct 1996 12:46:49 -0700

Sure. You're welcome to post anything I contribute that does not ask for privacy (can't believe I'm saying THAT).

In the words of Bill and Ted, "Be EXCELLENT to each other!"

From: Chuck Cluff


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Copyright © 1996 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.