cc: file, Mom, Sara and Des, Lloyd and Luana Warner, Darrell and Nancy Krueger, Charles and Diane Cluff, and Claude and Katherine Warner, Forest and Amy Warner, Ivan and Chell Warner, and Eric and Renee Miner
"Uncle Lloyd sent me a copy of a letter he sent to his kids this week, and I realized I have a couple of more e-mail addresses for extended family members. I really do not know Renee or Ivan as well as others on the list, but went ahead and added you to my mailing to be consistent. I guess that I have the hope that if you get to know me and my family better it will be easier for us to get to know you and your families.
My thoughts have centered around the word `judging' this week. As you kids know, I have been going to a therapist fairly regularly this last year. For those in the extended family who didn't know, I expect this is a good place to start contemplating the concept of judging. The last time I went in he talked about the Briggs-Meyers concept of `judgemental' vs `perceptive.' Specifically he described how these researchers identified how people of a sad countenance tend to be judgemental, insist on being to the airport an hour before the plane leaves, and have other unique psychological characteristics. The other side of this coin are those who go with the flow, and are uncomfortable arriving at the airport before people start to board the plane, etc. I havn't found their book `Gifts Differing' or the book `Please Understand Me' by Keissey yet, and so I don't know how these concepts apply in my life (other than there is no question I tend to be judgmental and have been accused of having a dour countenance). I do know it is hard to understand why it is hard to communicate in a family sometimes, and it makes sense to me innate, individual perspectives are a big part of the issue.
Last Sunday in Priesthood meeting the teacher based the lesson around a scripture Brigham Young provided: `If thour art merry, praise the Lord with singing, with music, with dancing, and with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with supplication, that your souls may be joyful' (D&C 136:28-29). I will leave it to each of you to look up the circumstances and context of the revelation. My point is that both kind of people seem to be part of our lives, and there is much we can learn from each.
Monday I had my second `opportunity' to be on a criminal jury. The first one was a few years ago, and we conviced a man of rape and sentanced him to life in prison. It turns out he had been in prison before for the same thing prior to our conviction. This time the crime was for possession of less than 1 gram of cocaine. This jury was a lot more lively, including whether this was a complete waste of taxpayer dollars. There were three panelist who debated for a long time there was reasonable doubt. Finally after there was a guilty decision, we found out the defendant was out on parole from his 6th felony conviction. In determining punishment there was a lot of debate, but by different jurers. A Chinese lady on the panel said `In my country we would have just shot him.' Someone responded, `This is your country now and we don't do that.' We finally ended up with a sentance of 4 years and a $1,000 fine. It was a very long day. The theme was definitly all about judging another person.
With Roice's permission, I sent a copy of a letter he wrote me to several friends and one respected General Authority. Early in the week I received a copy of two letters sent to Roice at this request. One letter was to the point and could be seen as being judgmental. The other was a loving and caring plea for me to `Make certain that Roice knows that no matter what happens, (I) love him.' It turned out that our scripture reading the next morning included II Nephi 9:40 where it says `Do not say that I have spoken hard things against you; for if ye do, ye will revile against the truth; for I have spoken the words of your Maker. I know that the words of truth are hard against all uncleanness; but the righteous fear them not, for they love truth and are not shaken.' The scripture reinfoced my appreciation of both of the letters.
Ben sent me a nice e-mail this week, in which he told us that he and Sarah want to get married during the summer of `98 and wanted to know what comments I have concerning their decision. Both Mom and I really like Sarah and I hope that my response clearly expressed love, along with my natural tendency to stress the importance of doing the right thing for the right reasons in the right way.
Paul came home from Sam Houston State to go to homecoming and to tell us he just received his mission call to Novosibirsk (in Siberia). I thought of the problems of being falsely accused of burgerly of school property last year, and all of the associated hastles. I thought of how hard I have judged Paul in the past and yet how proud I am of him for his choices now. I wondered how much Paul learned about following rules that he will need in serving a successful mission in the center of Russia. On the atlas it is not that far from Uruamuchi in the People's Republic of China where I gave a talk the time Grandma Hafen went to China with me.
Melanie had homecoming last night, and she didn't spend the night where she said she was going to, and when questioned she went for a walk and didn't come home for several hours. Sara went to the same dance, and it is only a few weeks after her 15th birthday. Rob said he did not want to go to priesthood meeting last night, but then Marti helped him change his mind and he seemed to enjoy the talks. Judging and loving are a big part of trying to be good parents and such a big part of life. In watching the presidential debate tonight, it was hard for me not to judge the candidates harshly. Hopefully we are right more than we are wrong.
In attending and taking notes at General Conference the last two days, I realized again how we all have to balance judging and loving, and how everyone does it slightly differently. Quentil L. Cook summed up my week for me when he said `We tend to judge others at their best and ourselves at our worst.' I hope that sometime in the future, maybe if you have occasion to re-read this thoughtlet, you will realize how much we all struggle with rules and judging, love and understanding, and keeping the proper balance given our natural tendencies one way or the other."