Uncle Dick
Dear Family and Friends,
Welcome to this week's "Thoughtlet."
These words are my personal diary and a weekly review of ideas,
beliefs, thoughts, or words that will hopefully be of some
benefit to you: my children, my family, and my friends.
"This week was dominated by the news of Uncle Dick dieing from cancer. At the Nelson Reunion, when I mentioned it would have been nice if the reunion could have been in 2007 instead of 2006 so my kids could plan for it, I was quickly put in my place and told that it was felt that some of the family would not be here in 2007, and it was important to have the reunion as soon as possible (0628.html). At this same family meeting it was specified that Uncle Dick did not want the family to have church services on the mountain, that he felt very strong about this, and this is why we didn't do that. I got the strong impression this was to minimize hurting feelings of family members who are not involved with the LDS church. It was obvious my oldest cousin, Darrell Krueger, was deferring to Uncle Dick on any family questions. And when I went to the Central Iron County Water Conservancy District (CICWCD) meetings (0618.html), and in follow up conversations with Scott Wilson, it was just as obvious Uncle Dick had a major positive impact on the activities of the CICWCD. When I told Scott Wilson Uncle Dick would not be attending because he had been diagnosed with cancer and was in St. George undergoing tests, there was a distinct sadness and disappointment and even anger with the news.
I was never as close to Uncle Dick as I was to Uncle Bud, Aunt Marie, and Aunt Luana. Uncle Ted and Dad always were angry at each other, and so there wasn't much room for a relationship there, although we have got along fine since Dad's death. Aunt Shirley Gurr always lived in California and Aunt Clara Jean Bills always lived in Sugar City when I was growing up, and so we did not become as close as with the first three listed. Mark, Uncle Dick's oldest son, was a year older than me, and we did a lot of things together. For instance, we had it timed so that we could catch rabbits in the Bryant farm in a cross-fire, and usually kill 2 or 3. The bus dropped Mark off , then stopped at the Bryants, then stopped at our house. By the time I changed clothes, got my 22, and ran to the southwest corner of the farm, Mark was entering the south end of the Bryant's farm. We had a place the rabbits liked to congregate, and we would both drive rabbits towards each other at that place and help keep the rabbit population down. Mark's younger sister, Kristeen is younger than me and older than Sara. We were not kissing cousins, and we were friends. Rhea, Ray, and Glen were younger, and I did not know them that well.
My understanding is that Grandpa Nelson worked his boys so hard they never had time to date or have much of a social life. Within a couple of years of Grandpa dieing from the accidental electrocution when unloading a loader alone, near where the house I grew up is, and hitting a power line, Ted, Dick, and Dad were married. The accident happened on the 21st of April 1947. Uncle Ted married Aunt Vana on February 27th of 1948, Uncle Dick married Aunt Elaine on August 25th of 1948, and Dad and Mom were married on October 9th of 1948. I think the boys hoped the spouses would become best friends. However, that did not happen, and I expect a lot of it was Mom's issues. I remember Mom telling me how angry Aunt Elaine was at her, and how she said she was going to have Uncle Dick put a pig pen on the property he owned across from the house. He never did, and he did sell the property for subdivisions, which gave Mom the neighbors she hated and was extremely mean to. At Dad's funeral, the most immediate neighbor expressed his remorse and Mom verbally tore into him about raping his daughter and not being punished. This emotional over reaction is one of the reasons I have long felt there was Mom was sexually abused in her childhood. Anyway, there is no question about my Mom's influence on my relationship with Uncle Dick.
The classic interaction was at Marti and my wedding reception in Cedar City. Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine came through the line, and Marti said, 'I remember the wonderful expression on Roice's face when we received your gift and card. He looked at me and said, 'Well, Aunt Elaine must have some good in her after all.'" Thankfully Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine were able to laugh about it. Then once we visited them during one of our treks to Utah. It was winter, with lots of snow. Our shoes were soaked, and so we took them off and placed them on a heater to dry out and went inside talk. The heater melted the rubber in the gym shoes, and created a terrible smell in the house. Oh well!
Uncle Bud and Dad lived the law of consecration. They always shared each other's tractors or other equipment. Uncle Dick was also involved. He built a grader, which we used to level the fields. It was about 40 feet long, with a blade from a road grader in the middle. We pulled it behind the tractor, and it leveled out any high places in the fields, which occurred because of sinkholes, plowing, sand channels, or other things which affected how level the fields were.
Uncle Dick was always there in the background. Even though I didn't know him as well as some of the other Nelson siblings, I was impressed by his three missions, his kids, and all of his interactions with me. Earlier this summer, at the advice of Eldon Schumtz, I made a special effort to go over my water presentation one on one with Uncle Dick. I was very pleased by Uncle Dick's positive reaction and positive comments. When Scott Wilson went on and on about Uncle Dick's contributions to the CICWCD, and then when he reacted like he did to Uncle Dick's cancer, it seemed like it was my responsibility to take Uncle Dick's place supporting the CICWCD. In fact, after the first two meetings I went to, I was ready to quit my job at GDC and to move to Cedar City without a new job, just to be involved in the CICWCD water planning. Andrea has tempered my jolting reaction somewhat, and I still feel a pull and an interest in doing this. Time will tell.
For several weeks Aunt Sara has been keeping me updated on Uncle Dick's condition. She sent the following on July 12th:
"Dear Roice,
We just talked with Aunt Shirley. Uncle Dick does have cancer of the
bladder. They are requesting a family fast on Sunday for comfort and to
help the doctors know the best course of action.
She was down to St. George to see him and said he's in pretty good spirits,
but tired from all the tests and prodding.
Love,
Sara"
Then on July 16th this:
"Dear Roice,
Annette called tonight and spoke to Des. She says that they are giving
Uncle Dick six months. From my experience with friends, neighbors, and Dad
that is a pretty standard response. It could mean two weeks or two years,
but it gets people focused to get their affairs in order.
I'm glad that we had the reunion this summer so he got to see lots of family
right before the diagnosis. Aunt Elaine has been bad for quite a long time,
but she seems to be doing better. It's crazy how health issues can change
in a moment. ...
Love,
Sara"
Then on July 23rd was this additional information:
"Dear Roice,
Uncle Dick is in the hospital for a few days. He had blood clots in his
lungs so they gave him blood thinners, but then he was coughing up blood
and got pneumonia. They expect him to stay in the hospital for three or
four days. He told Des yesterday that he'd had a good life and felt
comfortable with the six months he's been given.
Thanks for the Time article on siblings. It is interesting and I'm very
much aware that you were reacting to our parents and their struggles more
than trying to be mean to me. ...
Gary Howe made us copies of the sheep film. Shirley and Luana were hurt
that their photos and Dad's were left off, but I figured it was mostly about
Ted's family so he could put in what he wanted. At least he's being civil
to us now, which is an improvement.
Love,
Sara"
The next note was from Des on July 31st:
"Dear Roice:
I've talked to Dick. He is now back out of the hospital. He's
philosophical about the fact that he has about 6 months. He will go through
the radiation to try and slow the progression of the cancer. He does not
want to do the chemo. ...
Sincerely,
Des"
On November 4th Aunt Sara sent this note:
"Dear Roice,
When I got home from my workshop and concert there was a message that Uncle
Dick died today about 5:30 p.m. Today. I just called Darrell and he thinks
the funeral is Wed., but they don't know for sure yet and everyone will
totally understand that you can't take off in the middle of the week to take
another trip to Utah. I'll save you a program. ...
Love,
Sara"
There were other phone call updates and other e-mails besides these. The point I'm making is there was communication over the four months from when the cancer was identified and when Uncle Dick died. Not to throw out scary thoughts, I grew up in the same fields as Dad, Uncle Dick, and Grandpa Hafen, each of whom died from cancer tied to the nuclear tests in Nevada. I have always always felt my life will be cut short, and it is one of the reasons I have done my best to live life to the fullest. David Kessler and Moshe Reshef, each of whom served in the Israeli Army during active campaigns, and I have had discussions about those who have faced death tend to be more focused on living their lives. Certainly this was the case with Uncle Dick, his three missions, his service to the CICWCD, his temple and church work, and his concern for the Nelson Family as a whole. I certainly wish one of my deals had come through so we could afford for me to go to Cedar and attend the funeral. They haven't, and so I didn't. Oh well! At least he was able to live life to it's fullest until he was 78, Dad until he was 80, and Grandpa Hafen until he was 61. What is so sad is the 4 months after detection Uncle Dick had before dieing. I did pull Uncle Dick's obituary off of the Southern Utah Mortuary website:
'Richard "Dick" Nelson
(February 29, 1928 - November 4, 2006)
Richard (Dick) Nelson passed away Saturday November 4, 2006 at his home in Enoch,
Utah. He was born February 29, 1928 in Cedar City Utah. Proceeded in death by his
parents Roice Benget and Emma Lambson Nelson, two brothers Howard Roice and
Garth Bengt (Bud) Nelson, and one sister Marie Nelson Krueger. Survived by his wife
Elaine Wilcken Nelson, three sisters Clara Jean Bills of Sugar City, Idaho, Luana
(Lloyd) Warner of Bloomington, Shirley (Willis) Gurr of Enoch, one brother
Edward A. (Ted) (Vana) Nelson of Cedar City, five children Mark Richard (LorRetta)
Nelson of Cedar City, Kristeen (Gary) Bybee of Santa Clara, Rhea (Thomas) Dearden
of Panquitch, Ray Wilcken (Lisa) Nelson of Sandy, Glen Almon (Marcia) Nelson of
New York City, seventeen grandchildren and fifteen great grandchildren.
He married his sweetheart in the Salt Lake Temple August 25, 1948. He was educated in
the Cedar City schools and received his bachelor degree from Southern Utah University.
He owned his own farming and land leveling business until health problems made it
necessary to change professions then he went to work with Western Rock where he
was a part owner. He also worked for several years for the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints running canneries and storehouses. He loved his work but most of
all he loved his family and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints where he
served the Lord in many positions including Bishop and a counselor in a Stake
Presidency. With his wife he served three missions for the LDS Church in Nauvoo,
Philippines and Halifax Nova Scotia. He will be greatly missed by family, neighbors,
and many friends. He was a leader among all who knew him.
Funeral services will be Wednesday morning at 11:o’clock at the Enoch Stake Center
at 3600 N. Enoch Minersville highway. Viewings will be at the Southern Utah Mortuary
Tuesday evening from 6 to 8 pm and from Wednesday morning 9:30 to 10:30 at the church.
Interment will be in the Cedar City Cemetery under the direction of the Southern Utah
Mortuary. The family would like to express their thanks to Southern Utah Home Health
Health and Hospice for their loving care given to Dick. In lieu of flowers the family
would like to recommend a donation to the LDS Church for the "perpetual education fund".'
Matt called Monday, and I also asked him to go by the mortuary and to sign the guest book for me. He did go over Tuesday night. Matt, I am very proud of you for doing this, especially since you had never met Uncle Dick, nor his family, and are not a blood relative. Thank you again.
Wednesday morning I sent the following e-mail in response to a Houston Chronicle Editorial:
'Sent: Wednesday, November 08, 2006 9:38 AM
To: McGovernCenter@dwu.edu
Subject: Council of Elders[Scanned]
Ladies and Gentleman,
I was impressed with the editorial in today's Houston Chronicle written by
David S. Broder and describing George McGovern's idea to form a group of
wise men and women to offer the rest of us counsel on public policy. I
have always voted, and I have not otherwise been very involved with the
political process. Probably because the process is political.
As an earth scientist I have long felt there needs to be an advisory group
for guiding decisions being made across the decision spectrum: from
individual to family to community to state to national decisions.
Having spent my 35+ year career in oil and gas exploration, having worked
in most major basins across the world, and having had an opportunity to
participate in changing the way all oil and gas companies explore for oil
and gas, it seems to me there are very foolish energy decisions being made
across the decision spectrum today. However, I am not aware of a viable
forum for providing nor for receiving viable counsel on matters tied to my
area expertise. Your proposed Council of Elders might lead to such a
forum. And this will happen only if (1) the council provides a framework
for collecting, distributing, and enhancing scientific and experience
based advise, and if (2) the absolute power tied to such a council is
controlled from the beginning.
Fifteen years ago I became acquainted with an information language
developed by the U.S. Air Force which was designed to take complex
processes and entities, such as maintenance of an F-14, and to "dumb it
down to bubba" so a trained technician could make correct decisions.
Colleagues and I spent a lot of time and money translating the F-14 of
the oil industry, hydrocarbon reservoir discovery, management, and
maintenance, into this information language. An example of one small
part of the process, real-time drilling, is available for review at
http://www.walden3d.com/og1/.
Over the course of doing this work, it became obvious to me this approach
could be applied to all branches of science, providing an extensible
evergreen checklist for those making complex decisions. The key would
be to identify experts in different branches of science, including political
science, and have them model their expertise and experience in a common
information language. A peer-reviewed forum, an extension of the French
Academy of Sciences from the late 1700's and early 1800's, could use the
Internet to create, maintain, distribute, and enhance decision check lists
in order to enable improved decision making across the decision spectrum.
For example, let me ask a question outside of my expertise: What if a
sugar intensive crop like sorgum cane were planted in all farms currently
kept fallow because of government subsidies for the purposes of (1) paying
the subsidies, (2) generating ethanol, and (3) producing meal? It seems
this approach would lower government expenditures, as well as build energy
and food self-sufficiency.
Given a high profile and respected Council of Elders responding to this
question, discussing the implications, and distributing the answer on the
brain we call the Internet, one can imagine rapid positive change.
However, an issue with the Internet is the froth from the turbulence of
missing context. In other words, would the advice make it to decision
makers? A common information language holds the promise for formal
communication between humans and natural systems and artificial systems,
like database, through providing context. Languages which begin as data
base control have long demonstrated power as problem definition and
exploration languages by forcing the user to define and articulate their
ideas in a structured format. In fact, problem definition languages
become their own search engines. These languages allow us to search on
an idea, not just a word or keyword. Spatial, temporal, activity, and data
type context allows decision makers access to relevant guidance tied to
physical reality, to measurements, or to the conceptual spaces they are
working in.
I applaud George McGovern's idea, and hope the words in this e-mail can
benefit the effort to create a viable contributing Council of Elders.
Best Regards,
H. Roice Nelson, Jr.
Concerned Citizen
e-mail: rnelson@walden3d.com
(send 2 copies of the first e-mail to get off the spam blocking whitelist)
Office Phone: 713.840.3338
Home Office Phone: 281.579.0172'
Later in the morning, at GDC, I read the following response sent to rnelson@walden3d.com:
'Dear Mr. Nelson:
Thanks your kind words regarding the Council of Elders. In a few days I
hope to post more about the Council at the McGovern Center website
(www.mcgoverncenter.com). If you don't mind, I'll add you to our contact
list and send you more information about the Council as we get things
organized.
Things are very busy at the moment, but I hope you won't mind if I
contact you when things slow down a bit to bounce some ideas around.
Sincerely,
Senator George McGovern
McGovern Center for Leadership and Public Service Dakota Wesleyan
University Mitchell, South Dakota 57301 www.mcgoverncenter.com
Phone: 605.995.2935
Fax: 605.995.2893'
It has cost a lot to transfer from the Sun to the Linux system (0630.html), and things like remote access to e-mail make it worth it to me. Andrea seems OK with the money we have spent on the computer system upgrade. Time will tell if it was worth the money.
On Tuesday the following e-mail was in my box:
'Dear Brothers and Sisters,
We just wanted to invite everyone to MiKayla's Baptism this Sat. at 1pm at the
Stake Center. This is an important moment in our family and in MiKayla's life
and we would enjoy it if you could make it.
The Malick family'
In my typical word struggling way, I read this as Milich, whose daughter seemed to me was named Mikayla. So after thinking about it a few days, on Friday morning about 6:20 AM I sent the following e-mail:
'Sister Malick,
Thanks for inviting me to MiKayla's baptism. I look forward to attending.
I've been teaching CTR-8 ever since you left the ward. I know how much MiKayla
enjoyed the guitar, I have sang at 3 of my CTR-8 kid's baptisms, the kids seemed to
enjoy it, and I had a feeling it might be appropriate to be presumptious enough to
offer to sing at MiKayla's baptism. I totally understand if this does not fit your plans.
Best Regards,
Roice Nelson'
Well, about noon, I received the following:
'Brother Nelson,
We would love to have you sing and play guitar at MiKayla's baptism.
I actually was looking for something to be done while she and her dad are
getting dressed to keep the little kids happy. If you are willing to do this for
me I would be so greatful. Please let me know tonight so that I can
add you to the program before I print them. By the way we are in
Katy 2nd ward and have been since we moved here a year ago.
But I think I know your wife from quilt group on Thursdays.
Thanks,
Brother and Sister Malick'
This e-mail was when I first realized what a mistake I had made. I quickly responded with:
'Sister Malick,
I'm obviously mixed up. Are you Hugh and Sandra Johnson's daughter?
If not, I'm embarrassed. I'd be glad to play while MiKayla changes,
although, if she is who I thought she is, I thought she would enjoy it.
Maybe I can tack one song on the end after she comes back in.
Best Regards,
Roice Nelson'
Sister Malick was very gentle with me. She responded with:
'Brother Nelson,
No I am not Hugh and Sandra's daughter. I have a mother in law named
Vicki Malick though. That's' all right the name MiKayla is very common
anymore. Your still more than welcome to come and play though, in fact
our MiKayla LOVES the guitar, she even took lessons at onetime, but
was to young and didn't take them seriously. I will add you to the program
if you still want to come. As I mentioned earlier I must have got your email
from Andrea for quilt group, sorry for the confusion.
Sister Malick'
All this occurred by 3:00 PM while I was sitting at my desk. Boy did I feel foolish, and boy has Andrea made a big deal about it. Oh well! Sister Malick called Friday evening and confirmed I would sing one song at the baptism. The biggest issue with all of this was that Melanie had sent an e-mail saying her and Jared were going to the temple on Saturday and wanted to invite us to join them. The last session was at 3:00 PM, and the baptism was at 1:00. It turned out the baptism lasted a little longer than an hour, and it was 2:10 by the time I got home. Then there was an accident on the Katy Freeway. We still made it to the temple by 2:55 and were able to sit with Melanie and Jared. It was nice to be in the temple with them, even if getting to the temple was a bit hectic. When we got home there was another note from Sister Malick:
'Brother Nelson,
I just wanted to say thank you one more time for the beautiful song that you sang today
at MiKayla's baptism. It was very special and made her feel that way. It gave the
baptism a special feeling. Thank you again and if there is anything that I can do
for you in the future please let me know and my husband and I will do the best we can
to get it done.
Thank You,
Piper and Lori Malick'
So maybe it wasn't such a terrible mistake after all. And it gave something for Andrea to gloat with in her conversation with Carole Hulet, and later with others. A couple of things I missed by telling the Malick baptism story as a single event. Thursday evening I spent a couple of hours with Joe Roberts talking about one of my exploration ideas. He is very excited about it, and promised to get funding for the first phase of the project. On Friday evening I got home from work in time for us to go to the 5:05 PM showing of 'A Good Year' with Russell Crowe. I liked the movie. It was pretty tame for a new movie, and the story was a nice statement about how foolish it is to be all caught up in money and greed. Saturday morning I wrote Thoughtlet 0616.html, as the last step in my commitment to post one Thoughtlet each day mail is picked up and we are home until they are all caught up. The other four only required being converted to html. This one had to be written, and when I got it finished, just before the baptism, Andrea pointed out that it was Veteran's day, and there was no mail service. Oh well! And on Saturday, after going to the temple, we were going to take Jared and Melanie out to dinner. However, Melanie needed to get back to the house to nurse Halle Nalise, and then she was doing a party at a friends house, where they sell modest clothes.
So Andrea and I went to Perry's Steakhouse and Grill for a nice dinner. It was the first time in a long time we have gone out to a first class restaurant. The food was great, and was not as expensive as I thought it was going to be. We caught up on a lot of things that had happened during the week over shared pear salad, French onion soup, and a steak, lobster, and shrimp shiskabob. I expect we will go back there at times in the future, especially as the restaurant is right by 249 on the way back to the Tollroad and home from the Temple.
Sunday my Primary Lesson was on service. There were only 3 of my 10 kids there. There are a lot of folks with the flu right now. Tim Gebauer and a High Councilor were the sacrament meeting speakers. The both gave good talks. We left from sacrament, ate dinner, and turned around and came back to Jonathan Schmidt's baptism. I was one of the witnesses, and Andrea was the one to speak this time. Her topic was The Holy Ghost, and her talk was very well done. One of the things common between the MiKayla Malick and Jonathan's Schmidt's baptism was the song:
'When I am Baptized
1. I like to look for rainbows whenever there is rain
And ponder on the beauty of an earth made clean again
I want my life to be as clean as earth right after rain
I want to be the best I can and live with God again
2. I know when I am baptized my wrongs are washed away
And I can be forgiven and improve myself each day
I want my life to be as clean as earth right after rain
I want to be the best I can and live with God again'
The Schmidt's had a full dinner after the baptism. I ate too much. Then I went to a Youth Fireside and Andrea went to the Epiphany Choir practice. Phillip Miller had asked me to play the opening and closing song with my guitar, 'I am a Child of God' and 'Love One Another' respectively, and then to sing campfire songs in the backyard while they had a bonfire and cooked somemores. It was fun. None of the kids were interested in singing campfire songs, they just kind of liked to listen. So I ended up singing all of the songs I have written for you kids, some songs written on scout campouts, and some of my other favorite songs. It was fun for me, and I think it was appreciated. When we got home, after setting up Andrea's seminary room, I worked on this Thoughtlet and wrote a note to Corwin and Andrea Slack saying we would not be able to make it to Craig and Brittney's open house the Saturday after Thanksgiving because we would be in St. Louis visiting our Paul and his family (0648.html.
Stealing a little from the next Thoughtlet, on Monday the mail included a letter from Aunt Sara about Uncle Dick's funeral, and enclosed was the obituary above and the program from the funeral service. Aunt Sara noted 'all of the children are so different. It was interesting to hear their perspectives. Glen had some really great poems. Clara Jean came back down with Shauna. Dale and his wife were there . They live in Spanish Fork now. ...' The comment about how different the children are reminds me of Dr. Winkleman's comment about how different each of you are, and my response that it is wonderful we raised you in such a way you could each become yourselves and are not just replicas of your parents. This is certainly something I did right, just like Uncle Dick."
Since the 38th week of 1996 I have written a weekly "Thoughtlet"
(little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me).
Until the 43rd week of 2004 I sent these out as an e-mail. They
were intended to be big thoughts which mean a lot to me.
Over time the process evolved into a personal diary. These notes
were shared with my family because I know how important the
written word can be. Concerned about how easy it is to drift and
forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of
daily life, I thought this was a good way to reach those I love.
It no longer feels right to send out an e-mail and "force" my kids
and my family to be aware of my life and struggles.
Everyone has their own life to lead, and their own struggles to
work through. I will continue this effort, and will continue to
make my notes publicly accessible (unless I learn of
misuse by someone who finds out about them, and then will
aggressively
pursue a legal remedy to copyright infringement and I will put the Thoughtlets
behind a password).
The index to download any of these Thoughtlets is at
http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets,
or you can e-mail me with
questions or requests at
rnelson@walden3d.com
(note if you are not on my e-mail "whitelist" you must send 2 e-mails
within 24 hours of each other in order for your e-mail to not be trashed).
With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)