cc: file, Diane Cluff, Darrell and Nancy Krueger, Sara and Des Penny, Grandma Hafen via Tony Hafen, Claude and Katherine Warner, and Lloyd and Luana Warner.
"I got a new book this week which I think you all should put on your to read someday list: `Cutoffs' by Carol Netzer, New Horizon Press, Far Hills, NJ, 1996. I will probably spend two or three Thoughtlets talking about ideas and feelings which have come up as I have read from this book. It is amazing how well it describes my Mom, my Dad, and others I care deeply about. The parallels are also there for your Mom's family, both the Sharps and the Llewellyns. I think there is a grain of truth as to why our family has acted as a closed system (http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets/9805.html) for all of these years. I really will need to think about the concepts for a few months before I will be able to put any kind of `grain of truth' into words.
So I thought I would take one concept brought up through this reading, and use it as a basis to describe some of the stuff which happened this week. It will probably read as pretty esoteric, yet someday I expect one or more of you kids might like to be able to attempt to reconstruct how my mind works And so I will start this Thoughtlet by quoting the paragraph which got me thinking about `invasion of privacy:
As I read this, my thoughts went to a Christmas where Roice came home from UT and was looking at family pictures with Joy Stoddard, and I was attempting to get Ben to admit the consequenses of a choice. Roice later told me how much he resented my questioning, prying, and preaching. I also thought about a nice e-mail from Melanie, and how she is doing something hard, which is right, and which would have removed the questioning, prying, and preaching. I thought about a letter I recently got from Paul (will forward a couple of letters to you tomorrow) where he wrote:
Then I thought about Sara coming to our Family Home Evening group for the first time, last Monday. I thought about how I asked her in front of Sister Morlas to explain why she has cut me off from her life. She said `I am just busy. My work just keeps me busy.' I realized she is very angry at me because I was traveling with my work so much of her younger growing up years. Then I thought of Rob and how he is always `in your face.' At least always intruding in my face: touching, leaning, talking non-stop, and this weekend farting (although he claims I am worse). I wondered what is intrusion and what is just part of living.
I had a very interesting meeting on Wednesday. As mentioned in previous e-mails (starting with .../1997/9749.html) I have been talking to a variety of groups about funding WVS Corporation (Walden Visualization Systems). We have two separate groups that appear to be very interested in putting up enough money to do the project correctly. The European connection appeared, on Wednesday morning, to be the better business choice. I had arranged to use the VETL at 8:00 Wednesday morning for the Dallas connection. At 6:25 Tuesday evening I got a call which said they were going to cancel the demos because I had not signed a letter giving them a 60 day option on the deal. We had already arranged for SGI (Silicon Graphics Incorporated) to be there to participate with the demonstration and answer questions about getting a $1.6 million dollar computer into Russia to set up a Service Center in Moscow. It was too late to cancel SGI's participation, and I was leaving in 5 minutes for RePAIRS. I felt invaded.
So we had our meeting with SGI at 8:00 on Wednesday morning. The meeting went well and we agreed to a reasonable VAR (Value Added Reseller) discount and described the process necessary to get ongoing maintenance of the computers which the Dallas connection is planning to set up in Moscow and Kazakstan. I ended up staying at the lab to meet with a lady from England who is the director of marketing for a major geophysical contractor. She was looking at funding our participation in the AAPG in Salt Lake City. It turned out to be too short of fuse, and they are going to make a big splash with us at the SEG in New Orleans. Right now it does not look like we will have demonstrations in Salt Lake in mid-May, as I expected. Then I went to a meeting with an investment banker over in the Galleria area who wants to raise the $15 million for WVS. On the way there I got a call from the Dallas connection, saying `we would like you to be at the downtown Hyatt at 2:30 instead of 3:30.' Again I felt invaded. It seems every time I turn around this particular group is trying to pull a `fast one' on me. They include the greediest men I have ever met in my life. I rushed my 1:30 meeting and made it to the Hyatt by 3:35. I was not a happy camper.
There were three men waiting for me. Two of them were brokers who want to get 10% percentage of the company for bringing the investors to the table. After plesentaries I started the conversation off with the Dallas connection saying `It is important we set some ground rules. To start with we need to agree that the brokers will get fair recompense for bringing us to the table together to talk.' He agreed. I continued, `Furthermore, I think it is important the letter of intent be between you, the investor, and me, the technologist, and that the brokers do not need to participate directly in these discussion.' The brokers were somewhat nervous, and the Dallas connection didn't know what to say. So I continued, `You know the golden rule?' He acknowledged he knew the rule I was referring to: He who has the gold rules. I said `In the information age the gold is not only money, it also includes intellectual property, know-how, licenses to technology, and experience. Between you and I we have the components necessary to make a successful business and I think we are the ones who need to make the deal.' The brokers were dismissed, I explained I had no problem signing the Russian Joint Venture Agreement, and in fact did, and that I would not sign the investment letter of intent they had put together for me, and did sign it. I told him we would consider an offer of $10 million for 30% of the company, rather than $15 million for 60% of the company. He tried to talk me out of this approach. He said his people, who were waiting to meet with me, would not accept this. I would not budge. He excused himself, made a telephone call to his colleagues, came back and invited me upstairs to talk to one of the largest oil & gas investment companies in the world.
One of the brokers went with us and one excused himself. They were both upset. `Roice, this is the first time I have ever been invited to leave one of my own meetings.' I responded, `Well, hopefully I have learned a few things over my career.' Upstairs I was suppose to be really, really impressed. The Dallas connection said 30%, and explained the European connection was a couple of weeks further down the due-diligence and had my interest and attention. By the time the meeting broke up they had talked me into 30% for $15 million, and to have demonstrations and a dinner next Thursday to define the deal. It will be interesting to see how it turns out. In the hall as I was leaving, one of the principals referred to `honor among thieves' and made some other comments which I can easily construe as an invasion of privacy. It will be interesting to see what finally comes of the negotiation. As he also said, `In the end it will be up to you Roice, to decide what you want to do.' I agreed.
I am reminded of the Robotman cartoon last Monday. Moondog asks the nerd: `You're going to a computer dating service? Isn't that just a tad desperate?' The nerd replies `In the months since Loco and I broke up, the only ntimate contact I've had with a woman is when I get a shampoo at the hair stylist's.' Robotman says `So that explains the multiple visits to "SuperCuts" this week. Moondog responds `We should've known those split ends were a cry for help.'
Rob is with me this weekend, and Saturday his friend Joe was over here. It happened to come up Joe has a web page hosted off of my workstation which I had not been told about. Having spent about $450 per month for about 5 years to have a dedicated duel channel ISDN connection, and just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where there might be some money come in which justifies this learning and experiment investment, I felt taken advantage of. It is not a big deal, and yet it seemed to tie to the theame developing this week.
My mind went to D&C 121:34-42 (-46):
Yesterday your Mom brought some stockings over to Rob. I had some of her
mail in the car and she followed me up the driveway to get it. I told her
she looked very nice, put my arm out on her neck and attempted to give her
a kiss. She said `No Roice,' and I realized I was forcing feelings,
creating an invasion of privacy. I said `I love you' and went in the
house. There was an advertisement Rhonda had left me, which
I have scanned for each of you to
review this Easter weekend: 
.
I hope you each realize I do love you. When I have tried too hard in the past, looking beyond the mark (Jacob 4:14), I loved you. If I am now not as involved in your life as you would like, let me know, because I want to be, I am trying to give you space and be long-suffering and patient, and I still love you. After the events of the last few years I am very cognizanct of even a perceived invasion of privacy. Communicate with me and I will get better (kaizen)."