Novel.

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Dear Roice, Ben, Paul, Melanie, Sara, and Rob,

cc: file, Mom, Sara and Des, Darrell and Nancy Krueger, Diane Cluff, Tony Hafen, Claude and Katherine Warner, Forest and Amy Warner, Ivan and Chell Warner, and Eric and Renee Miner

Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea, belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail box at any time.

"Things are starting to slow down just a bit for me. I'm still behind 111 e-mail messages, have not posted the last three Thoughtlets, have a dinning room full of boxes of stuff from HyperMedia Corporation, and a bedroom overflowing with boxes from my mission, Amoco, Mobil, Computer Genealogical Services, The Seismic Acoustics Laboratory, Landmark Graphics Corporation, Walden 3-D, Inc., Dynamic Oil & Gas Corporation, HyperMedia Corporation, Advanced Structures Incorporated, genealogy, scrapbooks, newspaper clippings, professional publications, magazines with articles of interest, etc. We had the last PAIRS class today. There is a pot-luck dinner and final meeting tomorrow night. I more than ever think this four month course on relationships is something each of you should participate with with your fiancees prior to getting married. It costs $1,500 each and is worth every penny. I feel like I should pay the fee if you attend all the classes, and yet I worry you won't get as much out of it if you don't pay the fees and show your own commitment. I would appreciate discussion on this point. This course is taught all over the world, and yet I doubt if anyone could present the material as well as our instructor, Dr. Nancy White. I do have Federal Jury Duty tomorrow (which has been postponed twice), our first High Priest Group Leadership meeting Tuesday evening, work in Austin Wednesday and Thursday, Stake Missionary Training on Thursday, and catchup on Friday. And really, it does look like things are starting to slow down a little bit.

On the twenty-forth and twenty-fifth of June I received e-mails from my good friend Rick Hawthorne. They speak for themselves and he said I could share them with you in this forum:

`Hi Roice, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I have also been taking the time to read the thoughtlets and responselets. How are you? I smiled reading about Paul's crotch blowing out of his suit. I still remember the suits you wore, as a young missionary, in England. You had two, I think. A predominently, light-green one?, and a dark blue, pin-stripped one. I remember they were, let's say, "well worn." I would like to talk to you. Best regards, Rick'

Then on the next day I received:

`Roice, Yesterday, I read your Thoughtlets, as if it was a fresh, exciting and inspiring novel. It's given me new insights about you, as a person and your family. Thank-you for sharing this address with me. I've already benefited from them. I see it as a father's attempt to love, instruct, share, guide and befriend his family -- all the while, knowing as I read, that a hollow despair was being created, by the divorce. In short, it was riveting and beneficial reading. It's unique, candid and revealing. I want to immediately incorporate the same messages, ideas and inspirations, in my family. I think everything that is discussed in Thoughtlets, contains valuable and necessary information, that would be useful for every family, LDS or otherwise. I wonder if there is a way to create a Hawthorne-volume, within the thoughtlets, as extended-extended family? As I read your thoughts, and gain from your wisdom and strengths, I realize my own inadequacies, failings and short-comings. As a father; as a Priesthood holder. I have been commuting, heading on two years. I have been traveling to Huntsville, for the past year. Being home, only on weekends, has created some problems. Being a weekend father, just isn't good enough. My youngest, Ricky, just turned 13. He needs Dad around. Ronnie, my 19 year-old, is completely misdirected, in his goals, aspirations and motivations. He's attending church rarely. This started with a job, where Sunday scheduling, was routine. As a father, I should have taken a stronger stand of non-support of that activity. I didn't. Maybe I justified it, because his boss, was LDS, and a friend. He manages the new United Artists, 10-plex. And that wasn't the first time. It was 1990, when Pat and I wrestled with the idea, of supporting Ronnie, with little league involvement, in New Mexico. They played games on Sunday. I decided to support that, rationalizing that my relationship was weakest with Ronnie, and that my support would help that, and that there were only 2 or 3 games, that would require Sunday, after church attendance, in the evening. One Sunday evening, Pat and I went to Ronnie's game. The rest of the family stayed home. Roice, who had just returned, the day before, from a week's long, Gila River rafting trip, also stayed at the house. As we left the house, little did I realize, that image of Roice sitting in the living room, would be the last time, we would see each other. While we were gone, 3 friends/tennis team mates, of Roice's, came by, and picked him up. The accident occurred later that evening. You may recall, my timing was horrible. I felt moved to contact you. The following day, your secretary informed me, you were at Disney World. I think she contacted you, immediately thereafter. Had I been a better father, and a better Priesthood holder, I would've been home, because I would've refused to permit Ronnie to participate in a league that plays on Sunday. Consequently, I would've been home, when Roice's friends stopped by. Maybe he wouldn't have gone, if I would have been home... As I have examined the circumstances, over the past seven years, I know that that single event, did not determine the results of June 10, 1990. I've been able to celebrate Roice's life; his accomplishments and look forward to seeing him again. An event, I feel certain, that will occur, in the not-too-distant future. Self-introspection, is a good thing. It affords us a capability of reviewing ourselves. Thoughlets is a magnificent tool, for doing that. You have created a motivation, in me, to approach my communications, with my family, with greater determination. There were a good number of things I wanted to say, as I read through them yesterday. I don't remember them all, at the moment. I do recall, you talking about the song you wrote for Roice, in July 73 or 74. About that time, either going to or returning from Ricks College, we met, at our motel. You and Marti sang a number of songs, which I taped on a little recorder-cassette, which we still have, secured away. I know it was written, for your son. But I couldn't help relate it to our Roice. I remember the words, at least partially. "Baby, so close in my arms. I long to be with you, and your charms..." Is that right? Hopefully, we can catch up on what's been happening with me lately, and the work I'm doing with work flow managers -- automation tools, for complex business processes, and other things. At any rate, consider me a regular reader, from here on. I am certain Pat will appreciate this as well. Thanks again. Rick'

I have not been sharing the address for Thoughtlets with very many people, and despite the fact they point out a few of my weaknesses as a Father and when I was a Husband I have been pleased with the comments made about this effort. Rick's comments were the most novel of these comments and shared a word which captures what I am striving to do. These Thoughtlets are a novel of my life, being written for you kids one week at a time. I was very pleased to learn Roice passed the Internet address on to one of Paul's friends at Sam Houston State University and to get her comments when she wrote and to me. I am particularly pleased to get comments from you kids about this effort, when we talk or when you send me an e-mail. Hopefully you will grow to find this set of Thoughtlets a useful resource as you sort out the emotions of your own lives.

For instance, I bet none of you ever knew I wore such well worn suits at some stages of my mission a convert would remember them 27 years later. Shortly after I left Ipswich, where Rick and Pat were baptized, I was riding a bike in Norwich and the entire inner thigh on both legs of the green suit wore through. The blue pin-stripped suit had worn out earlier and at that particular time I only had the one suit. This left me with no suit for about a week while I got a new one tailored. I borrowed a suit from a Zone Leader. Mom and Dad were having significant financial trials because of the shutting down of Nelson Meat Packing Plant 1 1/2 years earlier. I had earned quite a bit of money for my mission working at Pan American and at The Red Barn the summer of 1970. However, I was not about to spend anything I didn't have to in order to absolutely minimize the financial strain at home. Grandma Hafen sent my Bishop a check each month. Mom and Dad refused to ask for any help from the ward when the money I had earned in Denver was used up. Pride. I am sure this is one of the reasons I have been so tight with money all of these years.

As my mind wanders to The Red Barn and the summer of 1970 in Denver, Colorado, it focuses my mind on these Thoughtlets being a novel of my life and times. I have driven you kids by The Red Barn several times when we have been in downtown Denver. It is amazing how small decisions can make such a profound change in someone's life. I'm going to take a few minutes of your time and recall leading up to and then the summer of 1970 and the circumstances which ultimately led to the birth of each of you.

When I was deciding which college to go to I was not active in the church. Maybe because Dad went to Utah State University and maybe because my best friend Ray Gardner was going to follow his father's footsteps at The University of Utah or maybe because of the views of the hired hands in the meat packing plant, I had no interest in Brigham Young University. When the scholarships were announced I had Honors-at-Entrance Scholarships at Utah State and Utah. College of Southern Utah (now Southern Utah University) did not offer me a scholarship and so I decided to go up north. The question was whether to follow Dad's footsteps and go to the agriculture college or to go to Utah with Raymond and study mathematics and science. There was little hesitation on the decision since finances were similar in either place.

Ray and I joined the Phi Sigma Kappa Fraternity shortly after arriving on campus. I will save stories about some of the stuff we did for another time. The key is during Fraternity Rush we decided to join a fraternity and it came down to joining Sigma Kappa Epsilon (Dad's old fraternity) or one with some guys we were really impressed with. I strayed from almost-tradition and Ray joined with me. I was assigned Bob Otis as a big brother in the fraternity. The first quarter I got a 3.5 grade point average and it was the first (and only) time Bob got the Fraternity Big- Brother/Little-Brother Scholarship Award. He was estatic, because he is a good student. Bob wanted to do something to help me and he talked me into going over to his department (Geology and Geophysics) and applying for the most prestigious scholarship in the College: Pan American's four year full tuition and books scholarship. I applied and was accepted. I should also note I got a 2.5 grade point average the next quarter and graduated from college with a 3.07 grade point average.

The summer of 1969 I worked on the farm and in the meat packing plant, as has been described elsewhere. Because of the scholarship and in reaction to pressure from my Bishop, Dan Crawford, to take one of the missionary quotas keeping kids out of being drafted and sent to Viet Nam, I went back to Utah in the fall of 1969. Since Nelson Packing Plant was no longer in operation the following summer and since I had decided I really wanted to serve a mission, I took advantage of one of the Pan American Scholarship options and went to work for the summer in Denver. Pan American later became Amoco Petroleum Corporation. This is how I found myself in Denver for the summer of 1970.

I lasted two days before I was bored to death. Amoco didn't start work until 7:00 in the morning and they quit at 3:30 in the afternoon. I had never known there were such luxurious working hours. Because I knew money was tight with regards to serving a mission, because I had had to give up the last two years of the Pan American Scholarship to serve a mission, and because I was bored, I decided to get a second job. I choose McDonald's which was half-way between Security Life Building and the apartment complex on Corona Street. They turned down my application. I was hurt. However, ever the optimist, I applied at the next fast food place, which was across the street from Mammoth Gardens, the rock concert hall of Denver. I was accepted and this is where I met your Mom, as we cooked and sold hamburgers and french fries.

It is late, I've already written too much for this week, and I have to drive downtown early in the morning, so I will save the details of this part of the novel until next week. Hope you all have a novel week and enjoy each day one day at a time. I love each of you more than you can know at this stage of your lives."

I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of daily life. If you ever want to download any of these thoughtlets, they are posted at http://www.walden3d.com/hrnmen or you can e-mail me at rnelson@walden3d.com.

With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)

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Copyright © 1997 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.