Responselet 9708a
Date: Mon, 24 Feb 1997 23:32:48 -0600 (CST)
Dad,
I don't know if what I am about to say is even partially correct or whether it is just my paranoia, but I hope you will try to understand why I might think the way I do. As I read some of the thoughtlets, I read a great deal of elitism and judgement in your words. As much as I know you are trying, many times I don't feel like you are talking to us, but down to us. Behind every email is the concept of the "true" and "good" motivations contrasted with lower, self-serving motivations - in this case, the "empowering" and "selfish" risks you categorized. When I saw this weeks topic, I was excited. I feel like we are getting closer, and albeit slow and tedious, we are understanding each other better. But although you didn't outwardly label my activities as "selfish" risks and yours as "empowering," I felt the language and wording defined how you see things clearly enough. From coversation leading to the November 17th thoughtlet, "Selfishness," you know I don't agree with the distinctions you made anyway (I believe everything is selfish, and I challenge you to find any one of your activities that is not motivated by your personal needs), but even this aside, I think what I hoped to give you by sharing the poem was lost. Please don't take from me what I hold important by labeling it negatively. My activities are not about an adrenaline high. I enjoy activites like motorcycling because they are an opportunity to grow, learn, improve, and most importantly to celebrate life. The selfishness comes from wanting these things, but I see absolutely nothing wrong or useless (or inferior) in it. I want you to understand, but you do not, because such things are not a part of you nor will they probably ever be. How I perceive you feel is that you wouldn't waste your time with them, and the sooner you can get me to see the world as you do, the better - but that will never happen completely and it is unlikely to happen even to the degree you would want. I would like to suggest that you should not always try to be the teacher and the parent with your children - I think that we have significant insights too, that you may learn from them. I am sorry if this letter is a little harsh. I did not mean it to be. I just wanted you to know how the labels you put on risks made me feel. It is just that every once and a while, I really wish I could be understood instead of judged. And since I know the bridge of understanding is infinite and impossible to cross, sometimes all I really want is to be accepted instead of judged.
with love,
Roice