Responselet 9646a
Date: Mon, 11 Nov 1996 10:05:24 -0800
For many years I thought it my duty to "improve" on my parents. Sometimes I would console myself with the words, "My mom and dad were never able to do this or provide that for us." But it was empty consolation (in fact, it was a blatant cop-out!), because at the end of the day, I am responsible for how I perform to my gifts and talents and against my flaws and shortcomings, not theirs.
The world is full of people who managed to "let go" of their baggage and create a life they could enjoy. So, rather than use my parents as my yardstick, I choose to remember them as people (with all that that entails) that did the best they knew how with who they were and what they had.
For myself, I can keep my emotional integrity if I strive to better myself, using my past performance and behaviors as my yardstick, and my current goals and dreams as my "playing field". This way, it's easier for me to free myself of their burdens and my own "victimness", and move on to better things.
I know this seems a little like splitting hairs, but the subtly different mental and emotional posture makes all the difference to me.
I think my parents would feel terrible if I let their mistakes and victories define mine. Far better to define my life in terms of who I am capable of becoming, rather than who I am right now.
In short, I have it if I choose it and maintain it, and I can only do that in the present.
God Bless,
Chuck