Family Update

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Welcome to "Updates." This is a compilation of the thoughts and writings of Nathan W. Pace.

I don't know where to begin. I finally got to sleep at 2:45 AM. I was then woken up by a phone call at 3:30. It was my brother Jeff. My mother is in very critical condition. The doctors do not think she will make it through this afternoon. Ready to drive right up there I was asked to stay and be with my Grandmother. As much as I love her I want to be by my mothers side. Instantly I became sick to my stomach and weak. It is now 4:45. For a little over an hour I have cried like never before. I cannot find the words to describe the feeling. So much sorrow and grief yet peaceful and calm at the same time. It is all together a new and different emotional feeling. I feel better by writing my words down. It brings an even more peaceful feeling into my heart and mind. There is a song that I have listened to over and over since I have been up.

(Female Voice) Another day, I'll try again but can you tell me will the hurting ever end. I've been told, and I believe but it's been a while since I've been on my knees I need you by my side I don't have the strength to make it on my own Lord do you hear my prayer how soon will you answer me (Male Voice) I know you're weary, I know you've had all you can bear And know you ask of me on bended knee I promise I'll be there I've watched you struggle, and yet I can see how much you've grown Child could you feel my power in your darkest hour you are not alone be still and know that I am God I'm by your side whom shall you fear I'll give you strength my child I am here be still and know that I am God and there's no prayer that I won't hear lift up your head my child I am here.

It helps me to realize that the Lord really is there. And that he know more than I do and I don't understand the full plan because I am not meant to know. That's why we have faith. If we knew the Lord's plan to the full extent I don't think we would be here. However, I am having a difficult accepting the reality. No matter how one prepares themselves, there is no way to explain it. Other than, when am I going to awake from this dream.

I cannot give up hope, there is still a chance. Maybe it's not her time to go yet. I just feel more comfort accepting the fact that her work here on earth is done. As hard as it is to swallow, this is my feelings.

It seems weird to be up at this time. It's now a little after 5:00. This is usually when I am fighting the alarm clock and getting up. I cannot imagine my life without my mother in it. She was the one I went to if I had a problem. She is the one I went to when I made an accomplishment. I am so close to her. I love her.

There is a poem with a picture of a young man that my mother gave to me while I was going through some rough times. I would like to share that with you.

To My Son; I look at you, my son, and try to understand. Where is the child? Instead I see a man. Then a wave of memory moves gently on my mind. As I walk awhile with you through the sands of time. And I see you again, a baby in my arms, with little fists clenched tight. Smiling, sometimes crying, as I hold you in the night. Such an innocent little, and oh, how you needed me then, my son. Then I remember how, as a little boy, you'd pray and play and laugh. And fill our home with immeasurable joy. Then off to school you went and tried to become all that life expected of you. Even then you needed me my son. Now as you walk through that open door, I know you don't need me so much anymore. And that's okay, for I can see you've become the man I hoped you would be. Keep your faith strong, for your work's just begun, and never stop needing the Lord my son.

For the longest time I could not imagine myself going to someone other than my mother. The priceless advice and the endless answers to all my questions. But because of the way she lived her life. It was of the Lord. My only hope is that I can be an example as my mother was. To inspire those to do what is right and do what the lord asks.

I appreciate those who respond to these emails. It means a lot that you would take time out of your busy schedule to let me know how you feel as well.

Best Regards,

Nathan W. Pace

You can read these and download these updates at anytime. Just go to http://www.walden3d.com/nate

To: "Nick Steed" <nsteed@propoint.com>, "Patti" <RdWngsFn@AOL.com>, "Paul Nelson" <p.nelson16@gte.net>, "Pete Fontanoe" <pedroman74@hotmail.com>, <pwick@PlanetAll.com>, "Rachel" <reggie_117@hotmail.com>, "Richard & Tami Moreland" <rick-tami@home.com>, "Rob" <cheesyball@AOL.com>, "Robyn & Nate Tullis" <robyn-tullis@leavitt.com>, "Roice Nelson" <rnelson@walden3d.com>

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Copyright © 1999 Nathan W. Pace