Hello Everyone,
I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know that I had a wonderful time. I am so thankful for all that I have.
I have just returned from the LDS Hospital in Salt Lake. I'm sitting here at the computer trying to collect my thoughts on what I would like to write. However, I can't. Part of it could be that I have had 1.5 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. My mother is in very poor condition. She was scheduled for surgery at 10:30 this morning. As the doctors started the incision, they ruptured pockets of infection caused from the previous surgery. At that time the doctors temporarily closed the incision and stopped the surgery. Her vitals went down from that point. She was taken to the Shock Trauma ICU due to her not being able to breathe. The infection spread through her body, taking over her lungs. This was the cause of her not breathing. The infection took over her kidneys, her brain and other vital organs within the body. She cannot breathe on her own. Her body is very limited in what it can do on it's own at this point. She is sedated and does not respond to sound or touch. The doctors say that at this point the next 24 to 48 hours are very critical and she can go at any time. On top of all this, there is a malignant tumor that is progressively spreading. The doctors now say that it could be up to three months before she is to the point where she could have surgery. That is why Heather, Emily, and I decided to go up to Salt Lake. We arrived at 2:15 A.M.
I spent quite a bit of time with her talking to her about all the good times that we have had together. It was hard being with her and not having my mother respond to what I had said. Although I know that her spirit was listening. I played some music and talked to her some more. The nurses were coming in every 10 minutes to change her vitals. My father has not slept any more than I have. We are both a wreck. I wasn't able to eat anything until noon today. Although I have prepared myself, it was hard to see her laying there in bed lifelessly.
After much consideration we decided to come home. There is too much that Heather, Emily and I need to take care of that could not be delegated, like our finances for one. So here I am at home still not able to sleep. So I decided to get everyone up to speed.
9:50 P.M. I have just got off the phone with my Dad. He says that my mother has not improved but just a little. She is running a fever of 103. This however is a positive note, it means that her body is gaining strength and is fighting off the infection itself. The nurse asked her to squeeze her hand if she needed more pain medication and she did. This is good, it means that she is somewhat responsive. I will be going up this weekend. Friday through Sunday night.
Although there is a great deal of sorrow, I am grateful for this growing experience. I have faith in the Lord that he knows what he is doing and he knows what I need. I also know that he does not give us any trials that we cannot overcome. He knows our strengths and weaknesses. I do wish that our financial situation was at the point where I didn't have to worry about working. After much prayer, I feel that it is her time to go. That she has served above and beyond the call of duty if you will, and that it is time for her to go home. The only peace that I have found is being with her in her room. That is where I slept most peacefully. I have dozed here and there but it hasn't been longer than five minutes. It is taking a toll on me. I am physically weak. But I feel that emotionally I am at my strongest.
I for some reason feel that my words are inadequate. I feel that I have rambled on and have not got the point across. If there, was one. And for this I apologize. But, for a few moments I have felt peaceful expressing my words in this email. We have had many calls and appreciate the concern. My mother is a very loved person and she has earned it. Many people have come to visit but because of her condition the doctors only allow us immediate family members to visit her.
I don't want to step out of line, and I have heard that you are not supposed to ask for prayers, but the time is now that we need to be prayerful. Please remember my mother in your prayers. She needs the strength and power of the gospel. I would like to encourage you not to ask for her to live or die. But simply, that the Lord's will be done.
Please do not take this email in the wrong manner or light. It is not to gain pity or for you to feel sorry for us. I am listening to Denis Waitley's "Psychology of Winning" on tape. From that I have learned that optimism and realism go together. You cannot have one without the other. This is not meant to be negative or heart breaking. It is the pure truth. It is what I have experienced and I hope I have done it's justice by what I have said.
If you would like to get a hold of us feel free to call. You can call me at 435-701-5368 on my mobile or at the hospital.
1-888-301-3880 ask for the trauma waiting room and then ask for a member of the Pace family. I will do my best to keep you all updated.
Best Regards,
Nathan Pace
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