Welcome to "the engines of my love," a regular review
of why I love you, Martha Ellyn Sharp Nelson, and no
other woman.
I love you because you have set your mind to something and
are keeping after it until you are satisfied. I wish it were
something other than getting the divorce decree finalized. I
think of a lady I have got to know who ran away from her family,
left her two daughters, left her house, and moved to Houston. She
has said `I don't believe in divorce.' She talks about how
unhealthy the relationship she is in now is. And how she likes the
sex and is getting needs met she could not get met in her marriage.
She has no intention of changing her circumstance in the near future.
She is insisting on living out childhood issues again and again and
again. Kind of like me and how I have run from financial
responsibility because I wanted to avoid the fights my mother and
father had, only creating the same or similar problems time and
time and time again.
I did as you asked me to and took the papers down to Pattie
Dunn. She reviewed them and provided an e-mail response as you
requested later in the afternoon. It is easy to get angry, to
take the cash you are getting (which you stressed is yours), and
to attempt to figure out how you earned that cash, breaking things
down into specifics you did for me, for our children, for our
family, and putting a per hour or per job figure on the contribution.
But it doesn't do any good. It doesn't do any good to get angry.
It doesn't do any good to try and quantify why life and our divorce
are unfair. It doesn't do any good to act like a spoiled little kid
who is not getting what he wants when he wants it, just because this
time you are getting what you want when you want it.
All I can do is love you, and hope this is still true when
and if you decide to clean up your own stuff and give me another
chance. As Dr. White said at PAIRS: `Mature relationships are
beyond infatuation and illusion and projection of who the other
person is and how they will fix your life. Mature relationships
are beyond the boredom of daily relationships because the rush
is gone which we have become habituated to through the chemicals our
partner causes to be released in our brain. Mature relationships
are where one has mature, caring love, and is willing to create
the relationship the way one want it to be. It requires
consciousness, caring, and connectedness. It is of critical
importance to make this effort when there are children at home.'
As one person in the class said, there is an old Persian Curse that
says `May all of your dreams be achieved immediately.'
Dr. White also stressed we are only attracted to the very
person who will most bring up our personal issues. Once we have
worked through these issues and the associated ups and downs we can
create a mature relationship. This is the stage were we stop
personalizing everything wrong. I hope these words of response to
being hurt and of insight can help you understand how, even with
a fairly final divorce decree in hand, I can say with all my heart
and complete and total sincerity, `Marti, I love you!'
I'm interested in sharing why I love you. I know how important
the written word is to you, and if you ever feel neglected,
ignored, or unloved, and would like an up-to-date bound copy of
these lovelets or any subset of these lovelets for any purpose
you might have come to mind, please tell me or e-mail your request
to rnelson@walden3d.com with the request 'lovelet update.'
With all my love,
Roice