Divorce Decree.

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Welcome to "the engines of my love," a regular review of why I love you, Martha Ellyn Sharp Nelson, and no other woman.

I love you because you have set your mind to something and are keeping after it until you are satisfied. I wish it were something other than getting the divorce decree finalized. I think of a lady I have got to know who ran away from her family, left her two daughters, left her house, and moved to Houston. She has said `I don't believe in divorce.' She talks about how unhealthy the relationship she is in now is. And how she likes the sex and is getting needs met she could not get met in her marriage. She has no intention of changing her circumstance in the near future. She is insisting on living out childhood issues again and again and again. Kind of like me and how I have run from financial responsibility because I wanted to avoid the fights my mother and father had, only creating the same or similar problems time and time and time again.

I did as you asked me to and took the papers down to Pattie Dunn. She reviewed them and provided an e-mail response as you requested later in the afternoon. It is easy to get angry, to take the cash you are getting (which you stressed is yours), and to attempt to figure out how you earned that cash, breaking things down into specifics you did for me, for our children, for our family, and putting a per hour or per job figure on the contribution. But it doesn't do any good. It doesn't do any good to get angry. It doesn't do any good to try and quantify why life and our divorce are unfair. It doesn't do any good to act like a spoiled little kid who is not getting what he wants when he wants it, just because this time you are getting what you want when you want it.

All I can do is love you, and hope this is still true when and if you decide to clean up your own stuff and give me another chance. As Dr. White said at PAIRS: `Mature relationships are beyond infatuation and illusion and projection of who the other person is and how they will fix your life. Mature relationships are beyond the boredom of daily relationships because the rush is gone which we have become habituated to through the chemicals our partner causes to be released in our brain. Mature relationships are where one has mature, caring love, and is willing to create the relationship the way one want it to be. It requires consciousness, caring, and connectedness. It is of critical importance to make this effort when there are children at home.' As one person in the class said, there is an old Persian Curse that says `May all of your dreams be achieved immediately.'

Dr. White also stressed we are only attracted to the very person who will most bring up our personal issues. Once we have worked through these issues and the associated ups and downs we can create a mature relationship. This is the stage were we stop personalizing everything wrong. I hope these words of response to being hurt and of insight can help you understand how, even with a fairly final divorce decree in hand, I can say with all my heart and complete and total sincerity, `Marti, I love you!'

I'm interested in sharing why I love you. I know how important the written word is to you, and if you ever feel neglected, ignored, or unloved, and would like an up-to-date bound copy of these lovelets or any subset of these lovelets for any purpose you might have come to mind, please tell me or e-mail your request to rnelson@walden3d.com with the request 'lovelet update.'

With all my love,
Roice

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Copyright © 1997 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.