19 August 1997
Dear Marti,
You asked me to communicate with you by e-mail concerning schedules and stuff. This is my first attempt to do this since your request. I am sure I will cover more material than you want me to and apologize in advance, if I unintentionally offend you.
My schedule for the next two weeks is:
I have approval on a house loan, subject to getting an Oalty Deed. They will want you to come to the closing and will give you the check. They will not provide you a suitcase with $160,000 in $20 bills in it. I only have today, tomorrow, and next Wednesday between now and September 10th to close the loan. I do not know if there is any deadline on the approval. If you want to ask directly you can contact Lee Johnson at 713.272.7000.
I also have a lead on selling the lot in Utah. I can not find my copy of the appraisal and would appreciate your providing me yours so I can try and get the price up above $27,000, which is what he has said he will pay. Even though I should be able to meet the court orders (less closing fees) through the house note, I need to sell the property for as much as possible in order to be able to pay off the credit card bills for the many plane tickets to Utah, and because I want to put some money towards Ken and Judy Yano's daughter's memorial fund. I would like to be able to fax the appraisal tonight. Also there is a large stack of mail here for you and the kids.
Despite your total rejection of me, I continue to love you. I continue to have faith you will choose what is best for our family, to hope I will learn to communicate in a manner which does not offend you, and to attempt to show true charity. I recognize `it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone,' and I do not intend to stay alone for very many years or months. It is my prayer I will not find another companion until your heart softens and you look at recent choices in a different way. By different, I mean in a repentant light with a similar depth of feelings to those you expressed (though not to me) the night you played your harp following the youth simulated airplane crash and subsequent exploration of the purpose of life at the Katy Chapel. I do believe I am a much better person due to the events of the last year, and for this blessing I am truly thankful. For what it is worth, even though I have friends all over the world who are looking out for me and attempting to `set me up,' it is not going to be easy to find a new companion who comes close to measuring up to you. I wish you would recognize how wonderful of a person you are and how much I love you.
Melanie told me about a conversation where she said `What do you and Dad have to fight about once us kids are gone?' After which you asked if you have made a mistake. We all make mistakes. We can all repent. You asked me to go and get Sara to come home when she ran away. You said you figured her comments about my breaking the TV were just an excuse. I agreed, and believe the same thing holds true relative to breaking china. It turns out she didn't want to come home because she was working on Sundays and didn't want to face Dad. I am truly sorry my relationship is in such a poor state with my children and with you for I truly love each of you and only want the best for each of you.
Much to my chagrin I have not written a Lovelet to you since the day after your birthday, 12 June 1997: #836, Attribute Analysis. I defined several topics I was going to write about, and did not do the writing because:
Along the lines taught in the cartoon book from PAIRS called `The Two Step,' I recognize I must not pursue. I do long for the days immediately after my mission when I was pursued. It was one of the few times I have had the joy which accompanies this part of life's experience. The joy of being wanted.
I hope this e-mail captures a small portion of the depth of my feelings and specifically helps to meets ongoing logistical requirements. I will continue to move my e-mail communications to ../hrnmen/men for review.
Love,
Roice