Responselet 9647a
Date: Wed, 20 Nov 1996 13:25:18 -0800
Thank you for your kind comments regarding my earlier response.
We are very saddened at hearing of your and Marti's plans to divorce. Diane and I have come to love and appreciate you both, and would desire something far better for you all.
I hope your conversations and thoughts about motive will lead to the healthiest possbile conclusion. I feel it is that the "why?" question behind the search for motive is irrelevant as it pertains to others. To be given over to understanding motives simply binds one to a certain responsibility for the other soul's welfare. That notion is contrary to the rules of the game, and I believe is the source of an epidemic control issue.
You see, except as a teacher, leader, and example, I am not responsible for the behaviors of others, no matter what their motives might be. If I behave according to the loving example of Christ, I have the maximum opportunity in this life to have joy.
I am not required to forge greatness within the lives of my wife, children, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even the world at large, but only to set reasonable limits within my home and foster their good self esteem and desire to fulfill their purpose here as they choose. In short, I cannot be anyone's savior.
But I CAN make a contribution of value to others by fulfilling my greatest purpose at every turn, in every situation. I can cast my bread upon the water and make the best of the situation. To do so, I must maintain a "presence" or "immediacy" of my values in the moment. Remember, the only point in time where I have any capacity or power to create or foster change is the present.
Conversely, it is the failure to apply the same behaviors we consider "professional courtesy" to the relationships of those closest to us that destroys our lives and gives sway over to the adversary. Will they make mistakes? Yes, So will I. Will I be hurt by some of those choices? Yes. Will some of my choices hurt others? Yes. Does any of this give enyone licence to overrun another's life? No. Again, that is not God's way, and should be mine.
And finally, Roice, with all the kindness I can muster, there are simply no innocent parties to a divorce. Everyone goofs up. Marti's choice is her responsbility, not yours. Your choice is your responsibility and not Marti's.
And it's just plain sad that things have gone so far. You will all be in our prayers, and our fondest hopes will accompany you.
And it's just plain sad that things have gone so far. You will all be in our prayers, and our fondest hopes will accompany you.
My Best,
Chuck