March 27, 2004

Dad,

I had saved some letters to read sporadically because I got letters all at the same time that had been overflowing in Cotonou.

Well, that was the idea. Then I really just forgot about them. So last night, an hour before dusk (my favorite part of the day), I went to get a coke and settle into four letters all at once. I should let you know that it's really become a relaxation that I look forward to when I get the letter, I have an excuse to buy a coke and be by myself, outside, to read and get lost in your thoughts. It's just different than being in front of a computer and trying to get things done, rather than just being and enjoying the words. You always try and justify why you write letters but you really don't need to. I will say that I don't always read them and I didn't even get them for a long time (we both know Andrea wasn't always there to edit in tactfulness.) But I'll agree with you that I think it's mainly for you to write and express yourself and secondly, it is a gift that we all have to have this as a resource to our heritage and a light into who you are.

Anyway, I thought I'd start giving some feedback. Maybe selfishly because I don't want you to quit sending them. And two because I'm so terrible about keeping in touch, maybe I can get some brownie points. Three, I started tearing up when I was reading that you sit in your room with your guitar and sing my baby song. I love that song. Four, makes way for interesting conversation. And finally, and most importantly, I wish I could show you an ounce of caring that you've given me since I've been in Africa.

So is global warming really a bunch of bull? I obviously know nothing of the scientific aspect, all I hear is the environmental voice screaming at society for ruining the world.

In response to your motivations for creating a new type of city - I'm sure your motivation is a love for family and humanity and a desire to leave the world a better place. I've always seen you as a good intentioned guy who wasn't exactly sure how to follow through with the good intentions (as far as family is concerned - you've always cared more than you knew how to show.) I also don't think life is as black and white as you are often willing to label it. Just as I described my reasons for replying to this email. I wrote honestly and what came to my mind first and then so on and so forth for this very reason... So, the first two reasons are selfish, the third taking. The fourth, sharing and the fifth giving. Can the reason that I purely want to have something to give you that you will enjoy and appreciate be the only reason? Is the unselfish, giving reason for doing anything ever the only reason? I don't think so. But that doesn't mean that the sincerity doesn't exist. It just means there's other reasons - some maybe not so well intentioned that come along with motivations.

Another example for me being Peace Corps. I want to work for people. I want to give. I want to understand them and how they live and the reality of the third world while I exchange cultural ideals. I want to share. I want to have an income for two years. I want to take. I want to build my own experience and skills where I can appropriately use and improve my French and business skills. I want to take.

So are my motivations to live off the government, improve my standing for a job when I'm finished or even get a full ride to graduate school because of Peace Corps? Some people could say that. Or are my motivations, as I imagine, to work and live for people that actually need more rather than working to add to the overflow of meaninglessness that floods our society? I would say so. Even so, do you see me traveling to smaller villages and delivering water where it's so desperately needed? Am I using my income to alleviate the difficulties of those around me? No. But I am improving business practices and improving technological literacy. Is that what this country needs when people don't even have water? My motivation as well as my success and effectiveness are not so black and white.

Now in your case, I think there are other reasons that accompany your sincere desire to leave the world a better place. I don't see you trying to rule. But you like being right. You work based on that `fact' and therefore have a lot of pride in your work. Once it's been done, you want to see that it lives on. A perfect example is the church. You are right in your beliefs. You work hard to follow them and have pride in your lifestyle. You let everyone know about it. And then you try to make sure your `right' decisions are carried on. By the ten of us kids. So I don't know other motivations that maybe come along with your work. Maybe trying to do more good works so that you make it to the celestial kingdom. I don't know. My point being only that I think your motivations are as you believe them to be, there are just other advantages that at times can be selfish. And this is only my opinion. So just trash whatever you don't agree with.

I've been extremely long-winded and not even sure if I've gotten any clear thought across to you.

But before I finish, there's another letter comment - a while ago you wrote about digging ditches. I see people digging ditches here all the time and I keep thinking of introducing the blowing up method instead. These guys are not only doing the back breaking work you had to do growing up, but its also in over 100 degree weather. It's looks miserable. But watching them also gave me a realization. You are good at following through and it seems to have stemmed from doing things like this growing up. You had to do monotonous jobs and that has helped being on top of the day to day monotony and not get boggled down with it. Then you are free to move from there and do the fun and interesting things that don't come along every day. For comparison's sake, Mom gets bogged down on the everyday things, never feels caught up and then ends up just struggling on the day to day. She's never really created a platform from which she can dive into bigger things. So, although she is intelligent and interesting and a great writer, I will be surprised to ever read a book by her. It makes me think maybe it'd be good for me to some time working with someone in their field or digging ditches. Realistically, I feel like passing out even existing in this heat and so I doubt it'll happen any time soon.

K That's all for now. I hope you are doing well in China. Missed talking to you last Tuesday.

Always, Sara

PS: I have a powerpoint presentation with great pictures ready for you. Is there any way that I can upload it to walden3d via internet? This could avoid the difficulty I have of no CD burner and no way to transfer the data to another computer.