This email is kindof old because there have been difficulties with internet, even when I traveled for it. BUT as I write, it is from SAVEs new cyber cafe!!! It popped up out of nowhere and was a shocker to everyone_especially me and the guy Im working with to open up a cyber here. I guess now we just have to take into account competition and for the mean time...I can communicate!!

I miss you all...enjoy the email from leap day...

February 29th, 2004

So before anything else, I have several HUGE announcements! My sister, Melanie, just had a beautiful baby girl on February 15th. Her name is Taylor Robbyn Wright. My dad said she looks just like Jared with dark hair and the face of a Wright. Congratulations! My sister in law, Kate, is pregnant with a baby girl on the way! Congratulations! My grandmother is in love and is getting married in April. Congratulations! So much is happening, and I get news in bulk so it's all really exciting.

And now a little from Save. This email is much more serious and gets into issues in Benin/West Africa. Despite some of the negativity, I am doing really well. This is just a bit about the culture underneath.

Frustration sets in. Mentally. I've decided I have a lot of things that I need to come to terms with or else this will become two years of allowing those things to eat away at me until I disappear.

Here's a quick summary:

• racism
• treatment of women
• relationships
• treatment of children
• hobbies and interests and work

First of all, I have not figured out how to have a decent relationship here. All the men want to marry me and all the women stay at home and wait for their husbands to come home (who are out searching for another wife.) That was a terrible generalization, but it's just how I'm feeling right now. There are several parts to this. First being there is this overt racism. People trust me when they won't trust each other. I am always given the better seat in the taxi, or the cold drink, or the chair in the front with the cushion on it. I am also given the higher price and expected to have money growing on trees. I am often a white trophy for organizations I work with. Rather than actually wanting to work together, they want me to show up to an event just for my presence. It makes people believe the event is somehow more important or the information to be shared more valid. In one sense, it makes me realize how lucky I am (racism leads everyone to want to be my friend, marry me and treat me better than they would anyone else - rather than in the states, the minorities deal with much more negative aspects) and in another keeps makes me lonely (because intentions are all based behind the assumption that I have money or can bring them to the states or give them something, so there's rarely true interest in who I am or to be a true friend.) The discrimiation is hard to handle sometimes. It's so sad to watch as the Beninois judge each other and then judge themselves because of the tint of their skin.

Second, women are terribly oppressed. Many don't have a decent education and therfore French which makes it difficult to communicate. And if they do, there've been held back, resulting in daily tasks of fetching water, cooking, cleaning, and raising (beating) children (there's another point I'll get to.) The culture forces them into submission. So there's no time for education or interests or hobbies or much that I consider living. When you quit learning, you don't build new ideas and search for more education and you lose interest and ability. So all they do is gossip about each other and others. There's really nothing I have in common to talk about and I really can't sit around and listen to conversations about food or babies or gossip for long. It's hard for those who have to give up their comforts in order for the oppressed to be free. Men have it made and they don't want to give that up. And the oppressed are manipulated by those who have power over them. Women are also manipulated sexually because sometimes that's the only way they can get what they want and/or need.

So being a woman in Benin, I definitely experience the effects of a woman's expected role. Normally, a woman would have a father or a husband to look after her (keep her at the house where it's appropriate for women.) So when there's a woman who is alone and has noone looking after her, she is considered loose. Yup, that would be me. It doesn't mean anything that I have a fake fiance. Nobody pays any attention to the ring. Because I don't have someone here to "protect" me and therefore, I'm there for the taking. Then when men hit on women, women are expected to say no several times even if she really wants to date him. It's a game that is understood by everyone. So women are hit on constantly and are constantly turning down men (if they want to or not) until there are pressures from family or from the community for her to give in. She gets worn down and eventually agrees. Well this means that men are non stop looking for women. And because of polygamy, it doesn't matter if they are married or not. I've gotten two love letters (ironically, they've imported the French romanticism despite the culture that isn't at all a breading ground for it) and a Valentine. I get hit on practically everyday. Because I start to get to know someone and then it starts (if they had the decency to not start right off the bat), it's so hard to have a decent relationship with any man here. And I'm talking about work relationships here. Its hard to deal with, but for me, it's temporary. Even more, its hard to watch the women's life-long reality of this.

Third, relationships between men and women are nonexistant. Again, this is a generalization and I have met some couples that have amazing, true relationships. People get married to have children, and that's that. It has nothing to do with what we think of as a relationship. There is a huge distance between the husband and wife. In many cases, I think the wife is closer to extended family than to her husband. This only generates the multiple marrages and the continued opression.

Children. Child labor. It is not abnormal that little girls are really short. You know why gymnasts stay short? They work their young bodies so hard that there isn't enough fat on them for their hormones to work correctly and this stunts their growth. If they don't quit beore they start menstrating, it will remain stunted for their entire lives. If they do quit before, their bodies can catch up and they will be their intended height. These little girls work so hard doing all of the labor for the house that it stunts their growth. Then if they refuse, they get ruthlessly beat. Crying, screams, scars. It's constant. I can't stand it. Of course the little boys run around and do whatever they want.

There's a tutor that comes over to work with the kids in my concession (kindof like apartments) and they decided to use my porch for the lessons. I heard the tutor slap the hands of a little girl, Norah, and then she started whimpering, wanting to cry but holding back. My face got cold and I wanted to cry. I went outside, interrupted the class and said that I don't mind if they teach on my porch because I value education and I think its wonderful what he's doing. But if he's going to hit a child then, he can not do it at my house. He responds that the children are used to it (their reasoning for most things) and that's how they learn. I couldn't believe that he talked back to me (he's a highschool student in my business club) and I just repeated myself, but stronger this time. If he is going to abuse a child, it will not take place at my house. I can't control what he does elsewhere, but I can control what happens at my house. I went inside and cried and then went to work. So their next meeting was at my neighbors house. I would have given anything for them to keep having the class on my porch.

Hobbies are rare. Interests are limited. Sorry Aunt Sara, there's not much interest in playing music, although I do try and raise people's awareness of musical hobbies. Pride in one's work almost nonexistant. It's almost as if people were raised to think a blank. To refuse stimulation. What happened to the ambitious gene? The type A gene? People eat and kindof work and sleep. Their definition of work is being at the office or market. It's not actually doing anything. It's just the presence that's important. There's little to talk about. So much for sharing ideas, huh? It's tiring. And I'm bored.

So beyond the frustrations, life is going well. Especially work. That's really my favorite part. Because not only do I get to meet all the people that are interested and have ideas and want to do something and the people that have the power and the say. And I get to be involved in a real way. I'm not the entry level position - making copies or fetching coffee. So here are some of the things I've been working on. I'm working on bringing the internet to Save. So we're making the business plan, doing some market research within the town, figuring out estimations for income and seeing if it'll be profitable. We'll present all the information next month to the finacers. I'm working with a teacher who has a dream of a bilingual boarding school. He majored in English and taught at an American school in Cotonou for four years, so I get spoiled with English when we have meetings. I'm almost done creating the cirriculum for an introductory computer class. There is so much creative energy concerning computers. It's really fun that I can quench it. I am also preparing to give classes on basic accounting, marketing and business management. My clubs are going really well. The girls club has doubled since we started doing little activities at my house after the club (last week, I taught them how to make cake). We have fun and are also learning computers together. And the business club students are really enthusiastic. They want to start a real business together. Maybe this year will be theory and our pretend business and next year we can really start something. We'll see!

And I spent the weekend refueling in Parakou where we had our early check in, which is a meeting with all of the business volunteers to talk about the first couple of months at post. So I got to see everyone I hadn't seen since before Christmas and talk about all our towns and jobs. I soaked it all up. It was wonderful to talk and be understood.

So now I'm hanging out in a hammok, the heat of the day leaving with the sun and marinating chicken in yogurt and Indian spices, getting ready to cook with the 12 others who are also waiting around for Monday when the bank opens. And I'm thinking of all of you. I miss y'all. Thanks for packages and letters and emails. I love each and every one!

Gros Bisous!

Sara Ellyn